Sex Positions For Women With Small Vaginas (And Other Vaginal Challenges)

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Love, Sex

I can’t think of anything worse than getting all hot and ready for sex with my lover and having it hurt as soon as he enters me. 

Many women experience pain with intercourse for different reasons: virginity, anxiety, menopause, and vaginismus among them. Recent research had 30% of women reporting pain the last time they had vaginal intercourse.

If you are having pain during sex, first go get checked out by the doctor (preferably a gynecologist). She can rule out infections of all types which can cause pain with sex. She will also see if your uterus is in a position that can make some sexual positions painful.   

It could also be due to vaginismus, which is when you have involuntary contractions of your pelvic floor muscles.   

Penetrative sex need not be painful. But some positions make penetration easier than others. 

There are also lots of things you can do to make penetration easier.


1. Let’s talk virginity first.

Even today, most women report that losing their virginity was painful and not much fun.

For many, losing virginity is very painful and puts them off sex for years. It may be the 21st century, but young women still rarely have lots of good information before the first time.

Here are some tips for how to make the first time you have sex easier:

  1. Talk about sex with your partner before you have sex! Take the time to talk about your desires and about what feels good versus what doesn’t.
  2. Set aside a lot of time and spend the extra time on foreplay. Your arousal will lower your pain perception and of course a rise in excitement will increase lubrication. 
  3. Add extra lubrication.
  4. Start penetration slowly. Use a finger first. Then add another. Some people don’t like doing it this way when there is an intact hymen. One of my clients shared, ‘I just wanted him to do it quickly. That way it was a sharp pain at first. Then we went slowly and the pain disappeared. I didn’t come the first time but the second … wow."
  5. Best positions for the first time vary. Woman-on-top allows you to control the penetration. Missionary position makes it easy to communicate with your lover.


2. Vagina too tight? That’s fiction.

Vaginas are meant to expand — a lot. That’s what they do during childbirth! 

It’s really rare to be too tight anatomically. Usually, things are too tight when you aren’t excited enough, are anxious, or haven’t yet taken the time to warm up. 

Sometimes if he is really big, and you tend towards being tight it can take some extra lubrication and extra time.

When people talk about small vaginas, they often mean that the man can feel the woman’s cervix when they are having sex. Some women love this feeling and others hate it.    

Best sex positions when your cervix is easy to bump into are:

  1. Climb on top of him and you can control the depth of thrust.
  2. Spooning, where both of you lie on your sides.
  3. Missionary, but with your legs flat on the bed instead of raised.

3. Let’s talk about menopause…

I have always loved sex and was devastated 6 months ago when we started and it felt like razor blades were cutting me inside. 

I had to ask my husband to stop. He gathered me in his arms as I cried.

I have had clients who have experienced the same issue. I tried everything, as at first I thought it was a lubrication issue. But it’s not just that. It is related to the tissues thinning from less estrogen.

Here are some things to try if you are menopausal and sex has begun to hurt:

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  1. Topical hormone replacement.  There are gels, insertable small pills, creams.
  2. Coconut oil, which provides you with more than just lubricant
  3. Full hormone replacement in gels, tablets or patches. Make sure to carefully weigh the risks and benefits.
  4. Natural methods of increasing estrogens including phytoestrogens (plant based like soy for example). These will include tablets to take and foods to eat. Consider Macapause which has significant research results and also improves energy.
  5. Lots of time spent on foreplay and lots of lubricant. This works in combination with other methods.
  6. Try woman-on-top. Like women in the group above, climbing on top might help women going through menopause to control the pace and depth of penetration.


4. Vaginismus, which causes many women to suffer in silence. 

Some women who have vaginismus cannot even get a finger inside comfortably.

Specialist sex therapists and other medical professionals can help with treatment. 

There are a number of vaginal dilators that are used to treat vaginismus. SH! toy shop in London makes a set of dilators that is like a sex toy out of silicone that come with a bullet vibrator to make treatment as easy and as pleasurable as possible. 


Sex should never be painful, unless you want it to be so. 

If it is, rule out medical problems first.  Then get some help from a sex coach or therapist to help you get back to having ecstatic intercourse.


Dr Lori Beth is a sex & intimacy coach, registered psychologist, speaker, educator and author who works with individuals, couples and polyamorous groups to find and create their ideal intimate relationships.  She has a special expertise healing individuals from sexual trauma and is kink knowledgeable. If you want explore more about sex positions, book a 30 minute strategy session with her here or email her. Listen to her podcasts, The A to Z of Sex and Sex Spoken Here on iTunes and Stitcher.