Divorce…the Gift that Keeps on Giving! Part 5

Divorce…the Gift that Keeps on Giving! Part 5

Divorce secret # 5: All Endings are New Beginnings

Once the reality of divorce settles in, we inevitably ask, “What is next?” The ground beneath our feet is unstable, it’s rocky at best.

We put a lot of faith in the idea of commitment. However, it’s better to look at commitment as a quality to be felt in the present, not a promise for the future. We believe when we get married that both parties are making the same commitment.

If our soul, our higher self, has anything to say about it, it might say something like this: “Your real commitment is to further the growth of your soul and you are spiritual partners specifically for the purpose of evolving your soul.” Now, that might sound a little out there, but I think at some level you really feel the truth behind this position.

How can you commit to get what you need for your soul’s growth rather than just what you want?

Divorce secret # 5.  Divorce is like a forest fire, you can rage internally and be miserable for years, or be like the smoke, you can blow in many directions. The choice is yours…and you do have a choice. All endings are new beginnings.

Flexibility is one of the greatest gifts we get from a divorce.  We think and plan our lives to go one direction, then poof, it all changes. You didn’t have a choice; at least you think you didn’t. And then you are stuck trying to figure out how to modify your life’s plan. What you thought was your life’s plan. I believe more and more people are going through divorce today specifically to do some spiritual growth work and become more flexible in their ways of thinking and believing. 

When my mother went through a divorce in the 1960’s, she had no one around to point out the gifts and benefits. She raged internally for at least 20 years. Her anger was poisonous. It hurt all of us. You don’t want your children or loved ones to ever have to deal with that much anger. So, choose to take on the new value of flexibility in your life. I don’t want to get too preachy about this, but it is important to be in charge of your own happiness. No one else can force you to live in pain, anger and hurt.  Choosing the path of flexibility, understanding, compassion, acceptance and ultimately forgiveness will bring you to a place of peace, happiness, and hope.

Divorce can lead you to a spiritual path when you start asking, who am I, what is my purpose?

Since this is the final part of a 5 part series, I want to give you an assignment that I believe is a fantastic first step towards healing.

1. Write down what happened from your perspective, pretend you just ran into an old friend and allow yourself to just rant and rave about what happened to you.

2. Now, put yourself in your spouse’s perspective, get into a meditative state and allow his/her words to be used, tell the friend what happened to the marriage.

3. Next, write the truth of what happened in your marriage. (My personal aside – I believe there are 4 truths to any situation/story – your side/perspective, the other person’s side/perspective, the middle ground, and the spiritual plan. Each person has a valid perspective. And no matter how objective you think you are, it will never fully encompass the whole. But that’s just my opinion.)

I want to leave you with this last thought:

“What we remember - what we CHOOSE to let go and what to keep - is purely up to us.  We can remember our love at its best, as it was in the “springtime.”  There came a time when it simply needed to be over.  But at one time, however long ago, it was, oh, so sweet.” 
                     Starting Over, Meditations for Divorced Women, by Ellen Sue Stern

Lori S. Rubenstein, JD, PCC spent 18 years as a divorce attorney-mediator, however, her passion for helping others led her down the path of divorce, relationship and forgiveness coaching. She is the author of three transformational books and has a special gift of holding sacred space for people to transcend their “stories” and step into a new, more empowering life. Contact Lori now to set up a 15 minute consultation to learn how you can start to mend your own relationship hurts