Getting Over A Breakup? Why Rebounds Aren't The Answer


When a relationship ends, it feels so awful, and those around you can never seem to understand it. "Oh, just get over him," they may say. Or, "You just need to find someone else to get over him."

If you heed this advice you may find that the solution works, but only for a short while. And that is because the withdrawal symptoms return. "Love," as anthropologist Helen Fisher puts it, "is one of the most addiction substances on earth." In fact, she says, it is even worse than cocaine.

Helen Fisher gave a TED talk on love, and I wanted to share it with you today. She talks about the biochemical responses in our brain when we love, and how we literally feel withdrawal pain when that love is gone. Her presentation, "What happens to our brain when we are in love?" shows the powerful effects of love, and you should watch it here!

But what I see in so many people is that when the love is gone, they feel this immediate need to replace it with something else—or worse, someone else. Perhaps we underestimate the effects of love on our brain, so our search for that "something else" goes unnoticed as an addiction. In fact, it feels only natural to feel good again, thus, our craving gets stronger and will only subside until it is fulfilled.

So while our brain is saying one thing ("get more love"), our true source and inner spirit gets overshadowed. But our spirit must always have the voice. Our true source knows what’s right, not our brain.  Remember, the brain releases the same chemical, dopamine, when we are in love as when we smoke cigarettes, do drugs, and drink alcohol. Therefore, we must be fully aware that our brain doesn't always make the right choices.

It's up to YOU, your spirit, to help guide you. 

You must also know that when you replace a void with something else before you are fully healed, you are setting yourself up for even more disaster, more hurt, and more anguish. Thus, the cycle continues, and you may find yourself a very unhappy person for many, many years.

No, you can never replace the loss of someone with someone else. Why? Because when you aren't in full alignment with your true self, you will only attract someone who is in the exact same state. And because you are both looking to complete each other, the relationship is already doomed from the moment you meet.

So how do you become aligned with your true self? It's pretty easy: love.

"Wait, what?" you ask. "Didn't you just tell me to stay away from this love drug?"

Well yes, but no. I'm talking about love for YOU. Love yourself, be gentle, say nice things, treat yourself to something good, have date nights with yourself, think positive thoughts.

It's okay to say to yourself, "I AM AMAZING!!"

You don't have to wait for someone else to do it. You can do it!

It's time to undo all the things you were told as a child, or better yet, what you weren't told as a child. It's okay to love YOU. It's okay to say nice things to yourself. When you do that, you will never lower your standards. 

Don't jump into a relationship when you are still hurting. Love yourself, stay true to your source.

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And if you can't find your inner source because it's been hiding for way too long, I'm here to help you. Just email me and say, "I need to find it!"