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Once upon a time, you were little and helpless, and you perceived yourself as a victim.
By Katherine Agranovich — Written on Dec 28, 2020
Any time your partner, parent, associate or boss patronizes you, invalidates your needs or feelings, manipulates you, or gives you the silent treatment, you may feel victimized.
This implies that you feel powerless, trapped in a gloomy prison where it seems impossible to break free.
But if we zoom in to the very core of the victim mentality, we discover a small child, lonely and afraid, curled up in the corner of a sunless cell.
Let’s set him or her free.
Your mind can free your inner child.
Your mind is amazing. It’s very obedient to your desire for an emotional shift — it’s as if it wants you to feel confident and in control.
And believe it or not, there’s a part of you — your adult self — which already feels that way, and it’s that part who will rescue the victimized child.
Stay with me and don’t worry about the silliness of playing "childish" games of pretense, because to your mind, these imaginary games are real and true. It’s like when you’re watching a movie: You get hypnotized by what’s unfolding on the screen.
And even though you know that what you are seeing is not real — people making love or killing each other — your mind accepts it as true and initiates a burst of chemicals in your amygdala, the part of the brain that processes emotions.
As a result, you feel either pleasure or fear. So, why not trigger positive emotions by playing a mind movie in which you go on a mission to rescue your inner child?
An exercise to empower yourself and release helplessness.
Your inner child is trapped in the stale cell of your mind. Free them, so that instead of helplessness, you feel empowerment.
Imagine your Confident Self (wise and mature, capable and strong), even if you’ve never felt its presence in your mind, as being a real part of your psyche.
You may adapt the attributes of a confident person you met in your life, and for the sake of this imagery you become him or her. See them in your mind as they approach the musty cell holding a young child with a victim mentality held captive within.
Now, I want you to reach into your jeans pocket and find a key to the massive lock on the cell’s door. Notice how easily the rusty lock clicks open and falls at your feet, capitulating.
“I am here,” you tell the child cowering in the corner. “Your suffering is over.”
Take a few moments and feel the liberating feeling of relief wash over you. And then, pick up the child’s fragile body and take her out of the jail cell and into the sunlight and warmth of today.
We repeat patterns from childhood as adults.
No matter what happened to you in the past, back then when somebody hurt you physically or emotionally, remember that you were little and helpless, and you perceived yourself as a victim. This is where the mental-emotional pattern of helplessness originated.
Children are irrational; there is no cognitive maturity yet to discern grownups’ nasty attitudes and behaviors, so they internalize all the assaults by thinking disempowering thoughts, such as:
“Something is wrong with me.”
“I am bad, not good enough, and powerless.”
“I am unlovable and unworthy.”
These feelings become habitual, and when we grow up, we tend to repeat them in adulthood, unconsciously recreating circumstances in our lives where we feel powerless.
This is often how we find ourselves trapped in toxic relationships. This ends now.
Our subconsious mind is a powerful tool.
Another brilliance of the mind is that on its inner, subconscious level there is no concept of time.
This means that all decisions made in the present moment — like the ones you are making right now, such as: “I am worthy and deserving of a good life,” “I am capable, smart and strong enough to create a life that keeps me happy and satisfied,” “I respect myself,” and, “My needs matter because I matter” — can alter your childhood mentality of helplessness.
In fact, it has already happened. The moment you took control and imagined rescuing your inner child, you liberated yourself from the prison of your younger self.
The victim became victorious.
Now, as your healthy self-esteem mindset is formed and takes charge, you shoot the stream of neurons — the brain’s informational messengers — to your past, updating your victim mentality to a grown-up, self-empowered outlook.
Suddenly, the brittle child in your arms fills with the light of self-esteem and personal power, running free in an open field of luminously green grass.
With every breath of refreshing freedom, her mind and body fill with eagerness and zest for life, and you reassure her:
“I am here. I know what to do. I am capable and smart. Never again will you need to be worried or afraid. I’ve got this, and I am good at playing this game of life. (Or at least, I am doing my best and improving daily)."
Watch how your life changes.
And now, what begins to happen is your life shows up differently: You look at your circumstances through the lens of your mature, confident self, which now replaces the old lens of the victimized inner child.
As Albert Einstein once said, we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. Now that your thinking has changed, perhaps you can make a plan and decide to leave a toxic relationship, or find ways to work on it and make it better.
You are no longer afraid to speak your mind, communicate your needs, and set up healthy boundaries. You know that you deserve better, and you shock people in your life with your newly emerging attitude of bold confidence.
You check in with yourself numerous times a day, asking, “What would a confident person do or say right now?,” reinforcing the attitude of self-empowerment.
You decide what works for you, now.
Bottom line: You’ll be deciding what works for you (jobs, partners, friends, and living conditions), rather than dangling on the flimsy thread of fate.
And in time, life begins to happen on your terms, bowing with respect to you, and echoing back the way you feel inside: victorious.
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Katherine Agranovich, Ph.D., is a medical hypnotherapist, holistic consultant, and author of "Tales of My Large, Loud, Spiritual Family." As the founder of the Achieve Health Center, she helps people attain mental-emotional alignment and close the gap between where they are and where they want to be.