8 Secrets To Help You Find (And Keep) The Relationship You Want
You have to put yourself out there to live the life you want.
tabitha turner | Unsplash We are the sum of our relationships and the people we spend the most time with. We accomplish everything in life with or through other people. Relationship mastery is essential to an extraordinary life. When we don't, the result can be pain, heartache and destruction.
Here are 8 secrets to help you find (and keep) the relationship you want:
1. Put people first
You have to prioritize meeting people and building relationships. If you don't, you will encounter a lot of challenges, heartache, disappointments, and failed interactions. But you can't put yourself second in the process. It's critical that you love yourself first and set clear boundaries in your life with people otherwise you will create unhealthy relationships.
2. See every opportunity
Everywhere you go is a potential meeting place. I've met fantastic people in line at Starbucks, at the grocery store, and waiting in line at the dry cleaners. Some of my best friends now laugh about how we met somewhere just like this. What became a great relationship started with a simple, quick conversation. Every relationship starts with an initial interaction. Think of it as five-minute conversations that turn into lifelong relationships. The more people you meet, the more opportunities you have to create abundance and learn life skills, and you'll also have a greater chance of meeting the right people for yourself and others.
3, Realize, don't rationalize
Stop rationalizing why you are not meeting other people or building the relationships you want. Stop using the excuses that you don't have time, you don't know what to do, you can't do that, and/or you're just not good at it. Social, communication, and emotional skills are learned behaviors. You have to practice them daily to get better. Taking action is the only way to create new relationships.
4. Start simply, simply start
All it takes is a few words, "How's everything?" or "How's your week going?” to meet new people. That's it. Just take the first step and start with a simple, short communication. It's not complex, but a lot of people overthink this, giving themselves an excuse not to put themselves out there. Your nonverbal communication is much more important than what you say! Delivery trumps content.
5. Conquer fear
We're constantly comparing our lives to what we see on our friends' Facebook newsfeeds. It's easy to think that everyone else has a great life, while you're still struggling in yours. Well, realize that most people don't share their skeletons on Facebook. No one's life is perfect, and everyone struggles with fear of failure and fear of rejection. Realize that you have the power to move forward and create what you want. Though you may never eliminate all your fears, they can be managed and you can understand them much better.
6. Empower yourself
Your success is directly correlated to your psychology because your thoughts turn into the actions you take and the results you generate. Your mind is extremely powerful, and it will either propel you forward or cripple you. You need clarity, focus, and compelling motivations to move toward the life you want. It's critical to remove inner conflicts that may be holding you back as well.
7. Love learning
Social skills are learned behaviors, not something you are born with. Anyone can learn to master being social, no matter what your background is, what you look like, or where you went to school. It just takes practice. If you commit daily to this process, you are bound to have success. It is a lot like working out. You get very sore initially as you break down the muscle, but you are building it back much stronger. Well, when you first go out to meet people it is a process and it takes time to improve, and it won’t go well all the time. You are going to have rough days. But you will learn from this, get back up, implement a new way of doing something, move forward, and create breakthroughs.
8. Emotions, like intellect, must be mastered
You are going to have to master your emotions on your life journey if you want to be successful. One question that comes up a lot from clients is, "How do I stop being jealous? Or angry? Or nervous? Or envious?" Well, first you change your psychology and how you interpret and process information in your brain. That will help you see the world differently and eliminate the thought from occurring. But some negative emotions will seep through no matter what you do. You can't control every emotion you feel, but you can control how you behave and act (or react to it). For example, "I am angry," is a lot different than "I feel angry." You may feel anger when something happens, but you don't need to act or dwell on it. Language is very powerful, so notice how you use it and how subtle changes can make huge differences.
It's easy to fall into the comparison trap or to start thinking you're life is lacking when you are blasted with:
- All the images from the media showing how much people are spending and the message that buying things will make you happier than you are now
- Social media posts that make it look like everyone is living their dreams (and you rarely see any negative posts)
- Managing the onslaught of questions from friends and family about your personal and professional life
- Dealing the questions about your personal life at company parties and work functions
And that's just some of it. Seeing and dealing with all of that craziness can get you down. Don't let it! Take control of your life and choose to take positive actions to move your life forward. Building strong relationships is extremely hard to do, and it's not a skill we're born with. Relationship building requires learned behaviors, skills, and habits. That's why you have to build a focused plan for your life and all your relationships and develop the mindset to get what you want.
Jason Treu is a business coach who has 15+ years of HR, Talent, and OD/OE experience driving change and innovating to solve the most pressing business, culture, and people challenges in complex environments. He has worked for Apple, Netflix, HP, and more.
