9 Get-The-Girl Secrets Every Guy Should Really Use

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how to get the girl

Back in the day — before women became more independent (thanks, women's rights movement!) — gender roles were clear and well defined. For the most part, dating was easier: A man courted a woman and both of them knew the end goal if courtship went well: marriage.

Now that both genders are evolving socially, dating is far more complicated. "Hanging out" and "hooking up" have replaced traditional courtship. Sex is no longer sacred and potential partners are far quicker to jump in the sack.  

Some would consider this new direction advantageous. Yet despite this, many men and women seek dating advice that helps them figure out how to get the girl and find that meaningful connection they still yearn for (and haven't found despite these "advancements" in modern dating).

Having that meaningful connection, one that's more than skin deep, takes effort but is immensely rewarding. The real difference between men and women is that each goes about looking for this connection in different ways.

In a moment, we'll look at what you can do to date successfully. But first, let's look at some seriously outdated dating approaches that just don't work for you anymore, men. If you're doing one or more of these things, you're unknowingly repelling women of worth.

  • Focusing mainly on your job and not making dating a priority
  • Misrepresenting yourself in your online profile (Examples include not being truthful about your height, appearance, age, interests.)
  • Being closed off to women who aren't in your desired age range
  • Getting overly caught up in a woman's appearance and measurements
  • Sending boring messages, one-size-fits-all messages or cheesy pickup lines to women online
  • Texting and emailing for weeks, instead of talking on the phone and asking her out
  • Saying what you think she wants to hear and not meaning what you say
  • Taking advantage of a woman's money, generosity, sex, fragile state
  • Dragging things out with the wrong woman because there's no one else you're interested in
  • Leading a woman on by making her think you're dating exclusively when you’re also seeing other women
  • Trying too hard and giving off the energy of desperation
  • Focusing on sex too much (Examples include making sexual innuendos, saying what you think she wants to hear so that she'll have sex with you, and rushing/pressuring a woman to have sex.)
  • Dating women who deplete your energy (Examples include women who take advantage of you, are drama queens, selfish, too critical or hypersensitive.)

So, for men who want to be with women of worth and enjoy more dates that lead to a meaningful connection, here are the best secrets and tips for how to get the girl.

1. Be your true self.

Present yourself as the same person online and offline. Women are pleasantly surprised to meet a man who portrays himself accurately. Trust is necessary and starts with being honest about the superficial things (i.e. height, appearance, age, interests).

Communicate openly about who you are, your beliefs, and your views on life and love so your dates get to know who you truly are. Let her make an honest choice if the real you is right for her. 

2. Be a gentleman.

Treat a woman the way you'd like a man to treat your sister, daughter or someone you care about. This means dating responsibly. Take care of your appearance and hygiene. Be a man of your word. Be well-mannered, courteous and respectful in your words, behaviors, and actions.

Take the time to learn who she is and what she's about, and share who you are with her. Let things unfold as they're meant to instead of trying to rush having sex with her. When you are a gentleman, having sex will happen naturally.

3. Have integrity.

Be honest. If at the end of a date, you don't wish to see her again, don’t say, "I'll call you and let's do this again." Empty words and empty promises create false hope and end up being more hurtful. In this situation, kind honesty is best.

Say something like, "Thank you for meeting me. I really enjoyed talking with you, though I didn't feel a romantic connection. I wish you well in life and love."  

4. Ask her out first.

Though women lead every day in their professional lives, many of us prefer men to still make the first move romantically. If you're interested in her, ask her out. Contact her based on what you read in her dating profile (i.e., referencing common interests, asking her a question about something that sparked your attention) before the window of opportunity passes.

The caveat is: Don't make mention of her appearance in a creepy way (i.e., "Hey sexy, love your body"). A woman of worth doesn't respond positively to creepy messages.

5. Be open to who she is.

Be open to more than a woman's physical appearance, measurements, and age. Wonderful women come in all packages. Instead of making physical appearance your main criteria, focus 80 percent of your opinion on a woman's inner appearance and 20 percent on her outward appearance. This also means dating women who are closer to you in age. You'll increase your odds of meeting and dating more women.  

6. Be thoughtful.

One of the most important things for understanding how to get the girl is that showing consideration and caring about a woman's feelings can be a deal breaker. A woman of worth must feel connected to a man to keep a positive momentum going. When a woman doesn't hear from you between dates, a space of negative energy builds up.

A woman likes to know you're thinking of her in between the times you see each other. You can let her know this with a text or a quick phone call. It's the little things that matter and add up to make a big difference. 

7. Be patient.

When it comes to dating, patience is a virtue. Don't sacrifice short-term urges for your long-term happiness. When you rush things, you sabotage your chances for dating to turn into a meaningful connection with a wonderful woman. Instead of approaching dating as the destination, approach dating as the journey to finding a meaningful connection.     

8. Balance your life.

What you place your attention on becomes prominent in your life. Assess the amount of time and energy you spend working, with the amount of time you are with you, your friends, and dating.

If you tend to work a lot or spend most of your free time with friends, your dating life won't fall into place by itself. Dating takes time, effort and energy. Balance your life so that you're able to work well, date well and spend time with friends. When your life is in balance, life flows better.

9. Get out of your own way.

When it comes to dating, the most important thing you can do is take responsibility for your side of the dating equation. This means understanding how you're getting in your own way and what's stopping you from having a great dating life.

Identify the common tendencies that show up in your dating life. Then work on changing yourself so these tendencies don't show up.

Are you focused on getting a girl to date you? Watch the video below for the best psychological tricks to try:


Janet Ong Zimmerman is the founder of Love for Successful Women. Find out if he is the one for you and subscribe to her YouTube channel.