The #1 Way To Find Love, According To Research

Here's how to get the love you've dreamed about.

couple on date flirting Oleggg / Shutterstock

In our quest to figure out what works (and doesn't) when it comes to meeting men we like, we tend to make very crude gender generalizations.

For example, men are shameless flirts who find all women desirable and will go after any woman they see, while ladies are finicky and particular, only accepting dates and intimate invitations from men who fit what they want long-term.

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But what if those assumptions aren't due to biology, but to socialization?

A study by Finkel & Eastwick revealed that dating might be very different if we didn't expect guys to be "men of action," asking for our number, inviting us out, and initiating the kiss. If women were the ones doing the approaching and the choosing, perhaps we would be happier with the men we met.

It's just so nerve-wracking to walk up to a person who has 6 inches on you, most likely 100 pounds, and ask them for their number. Even worse if he's in a group of other men.

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The team tracked 350 college students taking part in speed dating.

Traditionally the men get up and circulate the girls (women mustn't move, they have purses, the researchers explain), and when this was the case the men were consistently more smitten with the girls. However, when women were forced to get up and make the rounds, while men sat and looked pretty, the opposite was true.

The researchers found that the speed daters who approached their partners relative to those who stayed sitting would experience a greater romantic desire and chemistry toward their partners, and were more likely to respond, 'Yes, I would see this person again' to their partners.

In other words, the people who rotated from person to person were less selective than those sitting, regardless of which gender was doing the rotating. Take notes, having high standards actually will help you find love. 


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So what can we glean from this? That if we aren't finding any good men it's perhaps because we're not pursuing enough of them?

Speed-dating scholars (didn't know those existed, did ya?) aren't jumping to conclusions, except to say that more research is needed to determine if choosiness is gendered or not.

In the meantime, we're going with the best of both worlds: actively pursuing a lot of men, so we're likely to find one we like, and assuming that most men find us attractive (a little self-confidence can't hurt, right?).

It can't hurt to be a little delusional in the dating world, after all, what's the worst that could happen?


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Melissa Noble is a freelance writer and blogger who writes about love, relationships, and trending news stories.