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You are never too damaged to be loved — half the battle is remaining open to receiving love.
By Jacqueline Neuwirth — Written on Mar 27, 2020
"Love is a battlefield," Pat Benatar put it perfectly, especially for those of us who often ask ourselves, "Am I too damaged to be in a relationship?"
The truth is that you are never too damaged to be loved or to be in a relationship. You are deserving and worthy of love no matter what phase of life you are in.
More than half the battle is remaining open to receiving love while you're dating and having the confidence and self-esteem to pursue the relationships you deserve.
Some say that love is easier to find at a younger age, that there are fewer options and a smaller pool of single people as one gets older. They say that when people haven’t been hurt before, they are more open to giving and receiving love.
The older we get, the more we can’t escape the fact that everyone has a significant ex.
People break up all the time. Divorce is much more socially acceptable than it has ever been, and the single life is appealing to more people than before.
The great thing about single life becoming so appealing is that more people can comfortably be patient as they align themselves with their divine match, rather than settling for the most convenient and available breathing human.
There is hope for those determined to find a life partner, even if you are over 30, picking up the pieces after a significant relationship loss, or completely and totally lost in regards to romance.
Love is a battle you can win.
You don’t have to be perfect to be loved. Everyone has flaws. Take yourself off the hook and stop defining yourself by your imperfections, pointing at them as the reason you aren’t lovable.
If you think some emotional PTSD from childhood trauma or an abusive relationship is going to stop people from wanting to date you, that just isn’t true.
If you are concerned that there is something about you that is too damaged, broken, or "not enough," you can release that right now. Being imperfect and flawed is being human — and humans love each other.
Give yourself permission to play and have fun.
When it comes to finding love after a divorce or major breakup, one of the best ways to be open is to be playful — creativity, joy, and play are necessary for overall wellness.
As children, we understand this and are given permission to hold these values. As adults, we are conditioned to believe that it’s all about work until we die.
It’s no wonder this societal model makes it so hard to leave our hearts open to finding love.
Think about your experiences finding love as a teenager, a college student, or in your early 20s. Sure, you had responsibilities on your mind to some degree — but your sense of play was more pronounced.
When was the last time you found joy in the simple pleasure of creativity for creativity’s sake?
Here are 16 ways creativity and fun helps boost self-confidence so you can welcome new relationships into your life — even if you feel too damaged to find love.
1. Commit to a hobby that brings you the most joy.
Enjoying a hobby not only brings out your playful side, but also gives you an opportunity to meet and connect with those who have similar interests.
Committing to your favorite hobby is also a confidence builder. When you master something you love, it gives you a different aura people find attractive.
2. Join a sports team.
Exercise does the body good, and playing sports for fun is an excellent way to meet friends. Engaging with people through physical activity is a great way to bond and connect.
When you play sports, you're building muscles and stamina, which is good for relationships for obvious reasons. Meanwhile, you'll also have fun while opening yourself up to meeting new people.
Even if you don’t connect with anyone you play with directly, you may end up connecting with a teammate’s friend that comes to the game.
3. Have a creative outlet.
You may be hearing a theme here. Creativity is an essential component of overall wellness, which puts us in the vibration of love.
Creativity gets us out of our heads and into the energy of giving and receiving pleasure. It gets us in a flow, rather than remaining stagnant.
The creative flow connects to the flow of pleasure, which helps us build relationships.
4. Get out in the world and go to social gatherings.
Going out more increases your chances of finding love and overcoming the fear that you are too damaged to be loved. Meeting more people means meeting more people who are looking for someone just like you.
The more you put yourself out there, the more you see that there are people who are interested in you, attracted to you, and see different things in you that you've been wanting people to see.
This is also a confidence builder because you realize you have options. Dating apps can also have the same effect.
5. Laugh more.
Laughter is the best medicine. It releases energy and creates energetic flow, relieving us of depression.
So, watch funny movies or TV shows. Connecting with potential partners over a mutual sense of humor is wildly intoxicating.
Spending time finding your own taste in humor and connecting with like-minded individuals can be a great way to get over the fear of being too damaged for love.
Humor is actually a great way to connect over a shared pain or series of damaging experiences in a way that is lighthearted and playful.
6. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
It can be a disorienting and vulnerable experience to be seen naked by someone we admire and are attracted to.
When we become insecure about our flaws and problematic patterns coming up, it can mbring out the worst in us.
If the thought of this is too much for you, maybe you have some work on self-love to do before you are ready to bear your soul to another.
Self-acceptance is key to overcoming the fear of being too damaged to be loved.
7. Host a board game night for your friends and family.
If community isn’t a big part of your life, create it! Bring people from different parts of your life together.
Get comfortable hosting people in your home and start socializing. If you aren’t comfortable spending time with your friends at home or in an intimate setting, how can you feel comfortable with a lover? Allow your current friends in a little bit more.
If you feel too damaged for love, this could be an extension of not feeling like you are "good enough" for people, places, and things in general. Open up that heart chakra.
8. List your favorite childhood activities and relive them as an adult.
Learn to play again. List what gave you joy as a child and then make it a priority in your calendar to do the grown-up version!
If you loved video games as a kid, take yourself and a friend to an arcade. Go to an amusement park or the adult version of that, or perhaps a museum you’ve been wanting to check out. Take that sky-diving adventure you’ve been wanting to experience.
That way, when someone asks what you do for fun, you'll have an answer ready and more than likely an interesting story!
This makes socializing way easier, increases your confidence, and opens you up to meeting someone special.
9. Connect with animals.
Connecting with animals brings us into a childlike state of mind that opens us up to the possibilities of love and creativity without the jaded adult barriers.
Animals bring loving energy to your life, and like attracts like!
10. Play dress-up every day.
Kids know how important is to play dress-up and how an outfit can change your whole mood, transporting you to a different place.
What some adults forget is that clothes really do matter. This doesn’t mean you have to wear the most expensive clothes. It just means you have to dress in clothes that make you feel good.
Take pride in your appearance. It does so much for your energy and confidence.
When people notice you, it’s not necessarily because of what you are wearing; it’s because of how your clothes make you feel.
11. Dance.
When we connect with our bodies in movement, it creates major shifts in our life. It attracts abundance and it can attract love, too.
I don’t mean that pulling the hottest moves on the dancefloor is going to have your soulmate walking up to you asking if they can "have this dance." Rather, it’s going to shift your frequency up to the point where you draw in what is for your highest good.
You can dance in a nightclub or bar, a dance class, in your own home, freestyling in your jammies, or anywhere you feel like!
12. Spend time with your friends.
This extends to being open and receptive to accepting invitations from friends, acquaintances, and the like.
Go to birthday parties, random celebrations or gatherings, and allow your friends and acquaintances to get to know you.
You never know who will want to set you up with their amazing catch of a friend once they get to know you!
13. Cook.
Being able to cook is another confidence builder and also makes it fun to have people over.
Cooking is an expression of love and way to nurture your bodies, homes, and relationships.
14. Try something new.
When you have low self-esteem, try getting out of your comfort zone. Simply being open to new experiences increases your chances of meeting someone.
The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. So, try something new.
You’ll amaze yourself when you see how capable you are of adapting and thriving in situations or environments you once thought you wouldn’t enjoy or do well in.
15. Join a community.
Belonging to a community is great for mental health.
Being regularly surrounded by people who enjoy and value you is a wonderful reminder that you are not in any way "too damaged" for love.
Here are common types of communities people belong to:
- Churches, synagogues, Buddhist temples, and mosques
- Yoga and meditation studies
- Recreational sports teams
- Gatherings and events on sites like Meetup.com to meet others with mutual interests
- Volunteering for a cause that matters to you
- Political activism
- Taking classes in anything you find interesting or are passionate about
16. Practice yoga.
Yoga teaches us to do something for the sake of the process, rather than the fruits that bloom as a result. This is an important concept when it comes to finding a relationship when we feel too damaged to be loved.
When we become too results-oriented, we may give up before we strike gold.
Some people become frustrated when they feel they have been doing all of the right things for a certain amount of time and are still single. They are struggling to feel worthy of an amazing relationship.
There is a bit of a paradox when it comes to aligning yourself to receive love, because you must become love in order to attract it. Like attracts like.
So, if you want a relationship that is filled with love, joy, and passion, you must first be those things yourself. And you must be them for the sake of being them.
While finding love may have inspired you to follow this list of relationship advice, the positive effects playful creativity has on your soul and energy should be the reason you make fun, play, and creativity a non-negotiable part of your life.
Life happens when we are busy doing other things. You can’t find love if you’re looking for it. Instead of searching for a person, search for joy. Search for creativity. Search for play. Search for adventure.
This is one of the most important and powerful pieces of dating advice you need to know.
Finding true and lasting love comes as a result of staying committed to your evolution. When we stay playful and creative, we heal ourselves.
Creativity is an essential component of overall wellness.
The sacral chakra governs our creativity, sexuality, and ability to give and receive pleasure. This chakra has a lot to do with being able to give and receive joy and pleasure on any level — sexual or otherwise — and is an essential building block in a relationship's foundation.
We may feel it was easier to find love when we were younger, simply because it's easier to give ourselves permission to have fun and experience pleasure at that stage in life.
Therefore it is not about age, but rather state of mind that opens us up to love. Having a healed sacral chakra is what aligns our energy to experience those feelings with another person.
This is available to us at any age if we make joy, play, creativity, and childlike wonder a priority as adults as much as we did when we were kids.
Perhaps there is some healing that could put you in better alignment for love. The process is often moreso about what brings us joy and taking time for play, rather than finding ourselves on the therapist's couch dwelling on all the things in our past that hurt us.
There is always a purpose for examining wounds and discussing pain with someone who can hold space for us. But when it comes to overcoming the fear of being too damaged for love, it’s time to play, create, and have fun.
We can still be in the process of healing our wounds and be in a healthy and happy relationship. Healing is a journey. In the meantime, have a little romance — or maybe even a lot!
The battlefield where we fight for love is within us, and if we can turn it into a dancefloor it gets easier.
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Jacqueline Neuwirth is a Certified Life Coach, CPCC, and Master Neurolinguistic Programming Practitioner. She helps people find love, heal from toxic relationships, boost confidence, and improve relationships.
This article was originally published at Jacqueline Neuwirth . Reprinted with permission from the author.