6 Magic Habits That Help You Connect With Strangers In Seconds, According To Executive Coach
Instantly break the ice and turn strangers into connections.
John Rapone | Pexels Are your connections increasing your potential? The network you build with others can be a powerful tool in determining your future, both personally and professionally. But in today’s digital landscape, creating meaningful relationships can be a challenge.
Jake Kelfer is an expert at helping others connect. He’s a speaker, executive coach, and best-selling author of two books, including Elevate Your Network. He teaches others that when you focus on what you have to offer others and lean into networking, extraordinary things can happen.
Here are 6 magic habits that help you connect with strangers in seconds, according to an executive coach:
1. Appreciate people
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A pivotal moment at Jake Kelfer's first job out of college put him on the path to helping others succeed through relationships.
From a young age, Jake had one dream to play for the L.A. Lakers. And he worked hard at it. But at 5’8”, he knew his chances weren’t good. By the time he reached college, he decided that to succeed on the court, he needed a different approach.
Jake had energy and enthusiasm for connecting with others, which he decided was his secret to success. So, he took a job with the team as corporate partnerships assistant. He wasn’t playing in the game, but he was on the court managing halftime events. It was his dream job.
One evening, Jake was on an elevator going to the event level of the arena to assist with events on the court. That’s when former NBA star Jerry West walked in. In the basketball world, Jerry was a legend. In fact, he’s the silhouette on the NBA logo!
The security attendant in the elevator didn’t recognize him and asked for credentials. When Jerry couldn’t produce any, the attendant asked him to get off while he took Jake, who was wearing credentials, down to the court. That’s when Jake made a quick decision. He told the attendant they were together and it was OK to let him on.
When they made it down, Jerry turned to Jake, shook his hand, and said, “Thank you, I appreciate what you just did for me.”
In that moment, everything changed for Jake. He realized it doesn’t matter how rich you are, how smart you are, how successful you are. In the end, we’re all people, and all we want is to feel loved, appreciated, and that we belong.
Jerry West made Jake feel like a million dollars. That pivotal moment put him on a path to find a way to give others that same feeling. He wanted to share the secrets he’d learned to help people connect and find success.
2. Make others feel important
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“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
Jake uses this quote as a reminder to make others feel important. Think about your own actions. Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? Is there something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t? Of course, we all have!
Now, think back to a moment, as Jake had with Jerry West, when someone made you feel special. Chances are, you remember it vividly. You remember when someone makes you feel important.
You also remember when they don’t. Commit to lifting others in every interaction.
3. Discover how you can help others
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Jake was one year out of college when he wrote his first book. Despite his youth, he knew he could help other students with career development.
He combined his own experience with the knowledge of people who had more credibility than he did, people in his network he had learned from. Jake didn’t know exactly what he was doing, but he went for it anyway.
You may think you don’t have the skill set to help others. You haven’t started your own business or lost the weight, found your soulmate, or landed the big promotion. That’s OK!
Be who you want to be, not who you think others want you to be. Shift your focus from serving yourself to serving others, and your actions will line up with your identity. Helping others was also found to be a preventative measure against depression in a 2023 study.
4. Use your authentic voice
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It’s also important to find your voice. This can be confusing when you find inspiration in other voices. That’s actually okay.
Take what you hear from the voices you look up to and make it your own, unique only to you. This is your authentic voice. It doesn’t matter if you’re connecting with the right people. It’s that you take your authentic voice and share it in the best way you can.
When you combine empathy for others with the ability to believe in your voice, you’ll communicate with your authentic self. The American Psychological Association recommended, "to motivate empathy in your own interactions with other people, find similarities instead of focusing on differences."
5. Be intentional in your decision-making
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Everything you do in life revolves around people. You can’t run a business without another person, be it a colleague or customer. You can’t have a romantic relationship without another person.
Relationships are imperative to life and success. But how do you build the right relationships to get the results you want?
The networks you create encircle you as a person. A great network gives you the freedom to explore new opportunities. So, be intentional with who you connect with and why. Explore your most meaningful relationships.
What makes them so? And how do you contribute to those relationships? In the business world, the easiest customer is the one you already have. That’s because if you treat them right, they’ll tell their own networks about you.
This is called the "triple win," a win for you, a win for your customer, and a win for the people impacted by the interaction. Connecting with intention can have a positive impact on every relationship in your life.
6. Be mindful of your communication on social media
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Let’s face it, these days it seems increasingly easy to say the wrong thing online. One of the reasons for this is that it’s easier to make the mistake of meeting people where you want them to be, not where they’re actually at. For this reason, digital communication has some extra tips to be successful:
Start on their turf: Think about where your contact responds best. Maybe it’s email or Facebook. Or it could be LinkedIn. Use the platform they prefer.
Turn it up: There’s nothing like face-to-face interaction to truly connect. So when it comes to online interactions, your energy may need to be elevated from an in-person meetup.
Pay attention: In virtual meetings, watch the facial expressions and voice inflections of the other participants. Small cues may tell you how you’re making them feel. This will allow you to ensure you’re using your authentic voice in every meeting.
Pay a compliment: Regardless of the relationship dynamic, a compliment can ensure that others that you’re coming from a place of equality. This helps them feel worthy of connection and makes the relationship stronger.
There's no shortcut to success, but there is one shortcut in life: Start now. Your future is up to you to create. Start learning how to connect with people to create meaningful connections today.
Hilary DeCesare is the Founder and CEO of The ReLaunch Co. She’s appeared on ABC’s The Secret Millionaire and on major news outlets such as CBS, ABC, Fox, and Huffington Post.
