6 Blunt Things I Want My Daughter To Know About REAL, Genuine Love

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curly hair mom and daughter

Men are not fish... so stop trying to catch one!

Dear Daughter,

Throughout your lifetime you will run into lots of advice about how to "catch" a man, how to "be attractive" to men, how to "keep" a man... the list goes on. Can I tell you right now that all of that advice is pure and total crap?

Sure, you can follow those instructions and "catch" yourself a man, but if you've followed said advice, is he really the man you want? Because if you have to catch a man like a fish then you might consider setting him free, and instead look for a partner; not a fish.

As you constantly tell me: "Just sayin'."

So here, my wonderful girl, are some qualities that are non-negotiable for the man who is lucky enough to call you his partner for life.

Love, mom.

1. Don't bother with a man who you think cares about you but he can't show you or say so.

If he can't tell you how much he loves you, then he can't handle the big conversations that all healthy, long-term relationships need. Not to mention that you deserve to hear words that relay love and affection throughout your entire life.

2. Don't even think of spending more than a few hours with a man who isn't every bit as interested in you as you are in him.

If you've gone on a couple of dates with him and he hasn't asked you any questions about you, run like an ax-murderer is chasing you. — Just RUN!

The best relationships involve mutual respect and mutual interest in each other's lives. Self-centeredness is truly one of the worst qualities you can find in a potential mate.

3. If a man says he wants to take care of you, I'm suggesting you move on.

You are not a fragile doll that he must care for — and neither is he. Loving couples take care of each other because they are partners in life. 

4. A man who is completely focused on your appearance might be enticing at first... but don't do it.

Of course you want that attraction, but if he's only about your breasts, he's unlikely to value how brilliant, clever, and funny you are.

Don't let him make your breasts the focus of your relationship until the end of time.

5. Don't spend your time with a man who you want to change as soon as you can.

If you can't live with his bad habits or qualities now, then you shouldn't be with him in the future. He will only change if and when he wants to.

6. Finally, don't ever settle for a man who only offers you crumbs of love. 

You will go through life starving. Love fully and completely and don't settle for anything less in return.

Don't let loneliness or insecurity dictate whom you love. That won't be real or satisfying — it will be filling a deficit in your life.

Find a man from a place of security and confidence so that you don't feel you need him to "complete" you, but rather someone you love and who loves you back.

Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist and life coach at www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com. You can reach her at Lisa@smartwomeninspiredlives.com