Photo: Arina Krasnikova | Unsplash
You catch fish, not life partners.
By Lisa Kaplin
Last updated on Apr 04, 2024
Dear Daughter,
Throughout your lifetime, you will run into lots of dating advice about how to catch a spouse, how to be attractive, how to "keep a partner and the list goes on. Can I tell you right now all of the advice is pure and total trash?
Sure, you can follow those instructions and "catch" yourself a spouse, but if you've followed said advice, are they the person you want? If you have to catch a partner like a fish, you might consider setting them free. Instead, look for a partner, not a fish.
As you constantly tell me: "Just sayin'." So here, my wonderful girl, are some signs of true love and non-negotiable qualities for the person who is lucky enough to call you their partner for life.
Love, Mom
Here are 6 blunt things I want my daughter to know about real, genuine love:
1. Don't bother with someone you think cares about you but can't show you or say so.
If they can't tell you how much they love you, then they can't handle the big conversations all healthy, long-term relationships need. Not to mention you deserve to hear words that relay love and affection throughout your entire life.
2. Don't even think of spending more than a few hours with a person who isn't every bit as interested in you as you are in them.
If you've gone on a couple of dates with them and they haven't asked you any questions about you, run like an axe murderer is chasing you. The best relationships involve mutual respect and mutual interest in each other's lives. Self-centeredness is truly one of the worst qualities you can find in a potential mate.
3. If they say they want to take care of you, move on.
You are not a fragile doll they must care for — and neither are they. Loving couples take care of each other because they are life partners.
Photo: Mavo via Shutterstock
4. A person who is completely focused on your appearance might be enticing at first, but don't do it.
Of course, you want the attraction, but if they are only about your body parts, they are unlikely to value how brilliant, clever, and funny you are. Don't let them make your body the focus of your relationship until the end of time.
5. Don't spend your time with a person you want to change as soon as you can.
If you can't live with their bad habits or qualities now, then you shouldn't be with them in the future. They will only change if and when they want to.
6. Finally, don't ever settle for a person who only offers you crumbs of love.
You will go through life starving. Love fully and completely and don't settle for anything less in return. Don't let loneliness or insecurity dictate who you love. That won't be real or satisfying — it will be filling a deficit in your life.
Find a person from a place of security and confidence so you don't feel you need them to complete you, but rather someone you love and who loves you back.
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Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a highly experienced corporate speaker. She helps people overcome stress and overwhelm to find joy in their personal lives and success and meaning in their professional lives.