Love, Self

10 Secrets To Get The Guy You THINK Is Out Of Your League

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man cuddling woman

So, you met a nice guy who is really attractive, nice, and way out of your league, but you hit it off and you're interested in dating him. What do you do next?

If you've been in this dilemma before, you may be wondering what you can do to learn how to get a guy to like you. Here are 10 secrets to dating that you can follow to win his heart.

1. Tune into that little voice inside your head.

Just long enough to hear it start its litany of never and always and you're not enough. And then tell it to take a hike! You've heard it all a thousand times before.

2. Remember that this is not a competition. 

Don't make it one. If this was the Dating Olympics, you might not win. But that's not what this is about, so there's no point comparing yourself to other women. You stand out by being yourself.

3. Get to know him.

He is a human being, after all. Talk to him one human to another. That's MUCH more attractive and interesting than trying to be whoever you think you need to be in order to attract his attention. Unless he's Ken, authentic and real has a lot more long-term appeal than being Barbie ever will.

4. Think marathon, not sprint.

Think about how you want this relationship to go. Hot sex may well be one part of it, but really, that's not enough long-term. It's like investing heavily in a beautiful evening dress. Stunning as it may be, that dress won't get you through the supermarket, airport, or clean up around the house. 

5. Fall in love with yourself.

If you can't love and value yourself for the woman that you are, why should he? You want an equal partner. Knights in shining armor tend to have an agenda and expect you to show your gratitude by putting them on a pedestal forever after. That's GUARANTEED to get very dull.

6. Have a life of your own.

There's nothing quite as fascinating to a man as a woman who loves life. (That doesn't mean being so caught up in your own life that you don't have time to see him.) It means not putting your life and your friends on hold for him. Anyone who expects you to do that is a control freak. Don't even try to take a control freak out of the Control League no matter how hot he is.

7. Beware of tunnel vision.

He may have a lot going for him, but there are plenty of great guys out there. Don't be too quick to compare all other men unfavorably to him. There's a strange Law of Attraction whereby the right man comes along when you're NOT looking. Be aware enough of other men that you don't miss out on somebody wonderful.

8. Be prepared to cut your losses.

Some women don't know when to stop chasing the guy they like. If you've been working your slow-burn strategy to get him to fall in love with you, and it's not working, you must recognize that you're wasting your time. It could simply be because he's out of your league, or it could be because he's just not that into you or relationships. The bottom line is: You can't make someone fall in love with you.

9. Keep your sense of humor.

A great sense of humor will take you a long way in life and instantly make you much more attractive. It's also a great way of discovering whether or not he has a sense of humor. If he doesn't have one, then he's not in your league. 

10. Remind yourself how lucky he is to know you. 

You're a special person. He's lucky to know you, and being around vibrant, authentic human beings is always a great experience. Don't you dare forget it! Still not entirely convinced that this "he's out of your league" thing really shouldn't worry you? Then you just need to own your worth a little more.


Annie Kaszina is a women's relationship expert and the author of  the award-winning book, "Do You Choose Your Dog More Carefully Than Your Husband?" She helps women believe in their own worth so they can create the great, loving, lasting relationships they want.