The Secret Of Sex Appeal

The Secret Of Sex Appeal

The word "sex" may have explosive connotations and baffling confusion.

The word "sex" may have more explosive connotations and baffling confusion attached to it than any other word in the English language. And the idea of "sex appeal" is just the same. It's got power all right. We all want to have sex appeal. We might not agree on exactly what the term means, but if someone accused us of having it, we wouldn't argue with them.

If you have sex appeal, it means there's something about you that makes persons of the opposite sex hunger to be as close to you as possible. They want to have their arm interlocked with yours, feel your skin by touching your hand, and, obviously, in time, they want to kiss you and do all the physical things we are all perfectly aware of. There is something so attractive about you that they want to bond with you, literally become one with you.

But this is where we have to think very carefully. Clearly, we like the idea of persons of the opposite sex finding us so appealing that they want to become one with us. What a compliment! But what part of you do they want to become one with -- just your body, or your body, mind and soul?

We get nervous and defensive when someone finds just our body appealing -- and they don't know the first thing about our mind and soul. And we should! In the larger scheme of things, our bodies are but a small part of the totality of us. Our minds are thousands of times more complex and unique, and what we call our souls are the deepest parts of us, the parts that are so central to our being that their value to us is beyond words, beyond measurement.

So, when we talk about sex appeal, we're talking about being someone whose whole package appeals to the kind of person who will relate to the entirety of us. While the place to start may be with our physical appearance, it's only about 10 percent of the total process. There's not a thing in the world wrong with watching your weight, toning your body, choosing the right haircut, wearing stylish clothes and following every last rule of physical hygiene. You will make yourself far more appealing physically, and you will already be 10 percent of the way to a sex appeal that will draw the kind of person you are dreaming of. 

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Let's make this a regular thing!

And then the fun begins! The next 30 percent of sex appeal is about getting your mind in shape. The health of your mind has little to do with your intelligence rating. You may have an IQ of 90 or 100 or 130. At any intelligence level, the critical question is how healthy is your mind? Just as the health of your body is a consequence of what you feed it, how often you exercise it, the amount of rest you grant it, and how you protect it against disease, the same is true of your mind.