Photo: Ivanko_Brnjakovic | Canva
How men want to receive love.
By Margot Brown
Last updated on Mar 28, 2024
If you want to fall in love with your boyfriend or husband all over again (and vice versa), the crucial first step is to stop trying so hard and start keeping it simple. You may not realize it, but you already have all the answers you need to deepen the intimacy in your relationship. Regardless of how things started, what it was like when you were first falling in love, or what you’ve been through so far, right now your focus should be on finding some simple, sweet things to do that will go a long, long way toward sustaining long-lasting, solid feelings of deep attachment between you.
Think about what it is you enjoy most when you're feeling connected to each other, and whether or not that happens often. Be sure to look at the bigger picture of your experiences together so you can see the ways you contribute to the dynamic between the two of you. Once you start editorializing or expecting things, it’s only a quick hop, skip, and jump into resentment, especially if you've never let him know your expectations exist. Here are 12 sweet things to do for your boyfriend or husband to make him fall in love with you all over again.
Here are 12 sweet ways to make him feel more deeply attached to you:
1. Keep it real
When he walks in the room, do you get viscerally excited without consciously thinking about it? For example, do you inhale just a second longer as your eyes widen and you feel a smile creeping across your face? If so, on a subconscious level at least, he can feel that too! He picks on up your energy and feels drawn to you as he walks toward you. By the time he reaches you, he’s smiling and saying (or at least, thinking): “Wow! She’s beautiful!”
Think back to when you first met and what it was he told you he loved about you most. Was it your looks? Your intellect? Your passion? All of the above and more? Whatever drew him to you then, as long as it was authentic to you, is what you can call on now to deepen your connection. Of course, change is a natural part of life, but be sure to maintain the core self you know to be the "real" you. On the other hand, if you were kind of faking it when you met him by doing something like expressing an interest in football even though you hate contact sports, be aware that his admiration for that characteristic won’t be sustainable over time. Eventually, your true self will emerge. If that’s where you are right now, it’s time to recalibrate!
2. Introduce him to the real you
You know that if you’re holding back on the real you, you might start feeling guilt, shame, or anxiety because you’re trying to figure out how to introduce the real you to this guy. Remember that it will never feel like the right time — you just need to do it. If you wait too long, he’ll sense it and feel uncomfortable around you; This could be why you haven’t felt the purity of that deep bond between you.
3. Do something for yourself
When you make yourself happy and he sincerely loves you, he’ll love you even more for how you show up in his life when you're being good to yourself. By loving yourself, it becomes effortless to include him in that circle of love. If you give all of your love to him and leave only crumbs for yourself, it’s guaranteed you’ll resent him later on. Love is about balance. Loving yourself is a priority. Loving someone else is a gift!
4. Do something fun
How do you have fun together? Do you go to events, participate in activities, or just hang out? Regardless of what you do together — concerts, sports, art, athletics, vacations, reading, cooking, etc. — sharing these experiences speaks volumes. Even if he loves one activity more than you do, dipping into his world for a minute will help you understand so much more about this man you love. And he’ll appreciate that you gave it a try. You can tell him what you did and didn't like about it as a way of information sharing, rather than criticizing something he’s loved his entire life.
5. Ask for his opinion
We all love being the center of someone else’s positive attention. Show him that you enjoy listening to him and he’ll feel connected! Additional ways to show him you respect, admire, and appreciate him include making eye contact and offering other signs of active listening, such as nodding your head, as well as keeping electronics out of the way during your conversations.
6. Share an intimate moment
Intimate conversations create positive, healthy habits of togetherness. Talk about your dreams, your values, and your fears. Check in with him gently and ask him what he thinks. Being intimate, talking about intimacy, and sharing your preferences during intimacy all qualify as intimacy as well. Talk about honesty — that’s about as honest as it gets! If you can talk about what you enjoy and what he’s already doing — or not doing — for you, you can talk about anything. The key is being able to explain your needs and desires without bruising your ego. This takes honesty, finesse, and mutual respect.
7. Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Ask him to tell you his stories of trial and error and do the same in return. Vulnerability opens windows to the soul and reveals who you are to each other! This allows you to love each other for your honesty, as well as for the experiences that led you to each other. Being vulnerable is not about pretending to be the damsel in distress. It’s about showing your resiliency while handling those challenging life experiences when you were most vulnerable. If he genuinely cares for you, he will respond with tenderness and compassion, not judgment.
8. Avoid making comparisons
Try not to compare him to others in your mind, and certainly don’t do it out loud. Stay present in the moment with him rather than letting your mind wander to what your best friend’s guy is like compared to your partner. Comparison is negative and non-productive. What you see is what you get, so focus on what's working between you and strengthen that. On the other hand, if you discover a shadow side about him, such as addiction, violence, or some behavior that endangers you or goes against your core values, it’s more than okay to recognize that as a deal breaker. Your safety comes first. If that's the case, decide sooner rather than later which actionable steps will be necessary when or if you decide to leave the relationship, as well as which family members, friends, community resources, legal aid, or medical care you may need.
9. Be thoughtful and considerate
It’s important to do things for each other. Be his best friend and his lover! When you start doing sweet things for each other, the connection of appreciation, reliability, and trust is strengthened.
Examples may include:
- Running errands, such as getting his shirts from the dry cleaner
- Making dinner, including his favorite bottle of wine
- Leaving him cookies, candy, or a sweet card in his sock drawer
- Texting him midday to let him know you’re sending him positive thoughts for his big meeting in the afternoon
10. Say, “Good morning, Sweetheart”
Even if you tend to be grumpy pants in the morning, he deserves a pleasant greeting from you. You might even shake off your bad mood by making this a new morning ritual. For sure, you don’t have to engage in huge discussions about politics before your first cup of coffee, but you can certainly make him a cup, too, and say something as simple as, “Good morning.” It seems like a small thing, but it's a connection point between the two of you. Remember, you won’t see him all day, so this is your last chance until the evening to tell him how important he is to you!
At the end of the day, if you get home first, be sure to greet him with a kiss and a hug. If he’s at home waiting for you and doesn't greet you, walk over to where he is and give him that same special hug. Do it, and keep doing it every single day. Good habits for creating a healthy connection come in handy when life gets stressful. Years from now, you’ll both smile knowing you share this special ritual.
11. Express sincere gratitude and appreciation
Saying, "Thank you" is a powerful tool that expresses acknowledgment for his thoughts, emotions, and actions. We sometimes use these words but forget their purpose or say them without feeling. However, when you say this phrase mindfully and with sincerity, he will feel it. Examples include the following:
- “Sweetheart, thanks so much for getting that box down from the top shelf I asked about.”
- “Hey babe, thanks so much for dropping off the dry cleaning, that helped me out.”
- “Wow! You started dinner without me? Thank you! You must have known how exhausted I am tonight.” (big smile)
12. Share some laughs
Isn’t it great when you can laugh together? It’s been said that laughter is good for the soul, and yes, it is. A good laugh can be fun and contagious. It’s amazing how it can erase tension and derail intensity. And the best news is that it doesn't have to be manufactured through sarcasm or wit. All it takes is stepping back for a moment to see the situation in a humorous light. Without making each other the target of the laughter, you can laugh together at the situation or yourself. Years from now, you’ll still be laughing or smiling as you remember those happy moments.
You may be doing many of these things already, but if not, try this experiment. Adding one new technique from the 12 detailed above every 10 days, then review to see which one sticks. You’ll know when you see his eyes twinkle. Whatever you decide to start (or stop) doing, it’ll most certainly contribute to renewed energy in your relationship. And after a while, you won’t have to think about it, because it’ll become second nature.
More for You:
Margot Brown, LMFT, PsyD, is a career and divorce coach, and the author of Kickstart Your Relationship Now! Move On Or Move Out, a guide to helping couples learn better communication.