Photo: Joanna Nix/unsplash
Having fun together is a crucial ingredient for marital health and happiness.
By Debby Gullery — Written on Mar 17, 2020
Married couples in healthy relationships know the secret to their successful and happy marriage: fun
Let's face it, some of us have the fun gene and some of us don't. Unfortunately, many of us were raised to think that there was something suspicious or wrong about having fun.
Maybe it meant we weren't taking life seriously enough or that we were slacking off from important responsibilities. Others just can't seem to find the time to fit fun into our busy and stressful lives.
But whatever mixed feelings we may have when it comes to having fun, the research supports this: Having fun together as a couple is absolutely necessary for marital health and happiness.
Having fun together is powerfully associated with relationship satisfaction, feelings of commitment, and a strong sense of friendship.
So, no matter how we feel about it, having fun with our partners is a necessity if we want to keep our emotional connections with them strong.
Having fun is one of the first things to go when we get busy with the stuff of life.
However, even when we recognize the importance of having fun and including the element of play in our relationships, it is still one of the first things couples let slide when they get busy.
Whether we're in the middle of raising our children, launching our careers, or in the "empty nest" stage, having fun together is crucial.
Fun is especially important if you're figuring out how to fix your relationship or how to spice up your marriage.
Why is fun so important? There are many reasons why.
- Having fun allows us to build positive memories together.
- Having fun strengthens the friendship aspect of our relationship.
- Having fun provides opportunities for couples to laugh together and enjoy each other's company.
- It is one of the best ways to bond and to re-connect, especially after an argument or a challenge.
But what if you don't enjoy the same things as a couple anymore?
Since we go through many stages and phases in a long-term relationship or marriage, we sometimes find ourselves out of sync with each other. Finding things to do that we both enjoy can take a little extra time and energy.
It's natural for people to change, so it makes sense that what we find fun together during one stage of life may no longer be fun during another. Sometimes we have hobbies in common and sometimes we don’t.
But, this dilemma can always be remedied.
Too often, men and women have different ideas about what is fun.
What a husband considers fun may not be the same for his wife.
For example, when we were younger, my husband would often invite me to go to Home Depot with him on a Saturday morning and I couldn't understand why.
The only thing I was even vaguely interested in looking at in Home Depot was the plants and that didn't take very long!
It took being married quite a while for me to realize that my husband just wanted to spend time together.
For him, hanging out at Home Depot together was fun. I, on the other hand, wanted to go out for dinner and a movie. That sounded like fun to me!
Naturally, dialogue and negotiation in this area followed.
These differences are natural
Remember, your differences don't have to be stumbling blocks to having fun. When you experience a time period when having fun is more difficult than usual, don't despair — and definitely don't give up!
Take the time to talk about what might be fun for each of you, and then take turns supporting each other’s passions and interests. In other words, create a "Fun List."
Here are 3 easy steps to create a "Fun List" so you can keep the spark of excitement and joy alive in your marriage.
1. Write down all the fun things you love.
Each partner makes a list of things that they would love to do that would be fun for them.
Be creative, don’t hold back — maybe divide the list into two: "Things that would be fun for a special occasion" and "Things that would be fun and inexpensive."
They can include things that you have done before and things that you’d like to try.
2. Swap lists.
Exchange your list with your partner's. Then, each of you can choose three things on each other's list that you would be willing to do with them.
3. Do the chosen activities.
Make a schedule and take turns doing something on each other’s lists!
Even if you don't actually enjoy doing what is on your partner's fun list, they will really appreciate the effort you make to try it out. And you, in turn, will appreciate the same effort when it is offered to you.
If nothing else, you'll be spending time together, away from the house and the routine, and that in itself can be invigorating — and fun!
So, if you want to learn how to have a happy marriage and revive a relationship after some downtime, make sure you take part in some fun activities together.
Even if it seems strange to make so much effort to have fun, do it anyway!
And remember: Taking the time to connect, enjoying each other’s company, and having fun together are crucial ingredients for the emotional health of your marriage.
So, go ahead and have a little fun together!
More for You:
Debby Gullery is a relationship coach who loves to teach people simple strategies to improve their relationships. She is the author of ‘"Small Steps to Bigger Love," a practical, easy-to-use book for couples who are seeking to be more intentional and loving. She can be reached through her website or her e-mail.