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If you want him to like you, here's what you have to do.
By Clayton Olson — Written on Apr 14, 2019
There is so much dating advice on the internet about how to get a guy to like you that it can feel overwhelming. You might even be tired of constantly dating and hope to find your true love to settle down with soon.
You're fed up with trying to figure out how to get a boyfriend, and you don't want to know just how to make a guy like you; you're interested in something more long-term — truly lasting love.
And this can feel impossible to find in an endless sea of dating.
So, you’re on the internet googling “how to attract men” or “how to make him love you.” Odds are you’re getting quite a few returns, programs that promise to leave you married with kids in twelve months flat. Programs that are filled with games and gimmicks. Programs filled with pretense.
You don’t need any of that. What you need is you.
Seriously.
In order to know how to get a guy to like you, you only need to be yourself.
That’s the most powerful way to attract the one: Just do you!
Of course, if it was that simple, you wouldn’t be reading this, right?
The truth is, learning how to attract men and get a guy to like you is not that easy. Picture yourself among friends, laughing, charming, engaging. You’re being yourself because you’re blanketed in comfort. There’s chemistry.
Now picture yourself next to a guy you like, nervous, antsy, maybe even boisterous in an effort to impress. That's not how to get a guy to like you; the chemistry is gone.
Why? Because you — the real you — is buried deep down somewhere. And in its place an imposter.
This is a recipe for dating disaster.
Think of it metaphorically. Imagine a violin pretending to be a trumpet and thinking it needs to act like a trumpet in order to achieve something.
What would that outcome be? Probably music that is grossly out of tune.
The moral of the story is obvious: There is no reason to be different than who you are in order to make a guy like you.
In fact, trying to be someone other than you is exhausting. It’s frustrating. And it’s self-limiting. You can’t be in a real relationship is you’re not being yourself.
Without authenticity, your heart remains sheltered and the real you remains unknown. The relationship develops on a foundation of falseness. And that falseness continues, making your relationship a sham.
Another idea to keep in mind is the heart — “Where you put your heart, you put your life.” If your heart is not into the relationship, it won’t succeed. If you’re pretending to be someone you’re not, you won’t flourish. It’s an unsustainable concept. A leopard can’t change its spots if its to remain authentic.
When you are who you are, on the other hand, you get to have more fun. You’re free. You’re self-expressed.
You have life coursing through your veins and you are able to give that part of yourself to your partner.
"But dating is exhausting," you might think. You’ve probably said it and you might even believe it.
Sometimes, dating feels like a job, right? Each first date is an interview where you must decide if each other is worthy of filling the role of a significant partner.
But dating is exhausting for reasons you might not realize. Sure, physically getting ready, going out, and coming home at midnight is more demanding than a quiet evening in with Netflix by your side. Yet it can be energizing as well.
The true reason for the exhaustion has to do with the façade mentioned above. It’s not the date that’s tiring, it’s the idea that you have to play a role that drains you. Focusing on making a good impression, assuring someone likes you, tracking how you’re coming off — it’s enough to leave everyone ready to stick a fork in it and stay single forever.
So, it’s not the dating that’s exhausting: It’s the PR, the image management you’ve convinced yourself you need. The key point here in our attempt to help move the needle on authenticity is to notice where you are trying to manage your image with people you're dating and new people that you're meeting.
The more that you're trying to be something you’re not, the wider the chasm you’re creating between the “dating you” and your authentic self.
The invitation, then, is to stop worrying about impressing someone and show up as yourself — that’s all there is to it. That's it.
Don’t focus on getting a second date, don’t focus on leaving someone in awe, don’t focus on listing every single accomplishment you’ve ever made. Just focus on being yourself — take a page from Nirvana and "come as you are."
If you can do that, you can shift dating from exhausting the exhilarating. And that helps assure you attract the right kind of person — the person who loves you for you.
Clayton Olson is an international relationship coach, master NLP practitioner, and facilitator who delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops. Register for his free webinar that reveals the 3 Keys to Attracting and Keeping a High-Quality Man or grab his free guide, 8 Secrets To Create A Rock Solid Relationship.