5 Strange Reasons You Keep Picking Emotionally Unavailable Men

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5 Strange Reasons You KEEP Picking Emotionally Unavailable Men

Why do some women keep falling for the same type of dead end dude over and over again?

Ah, tall, dark, and emotionally unavailable — most women have found themselves attracted to this type of man from time to time. Other women find themselves attracted to this type of man at all times.

But, why? Why do some women keep falling for the same type of dead-end dude over and over again?

There are 5 strange reasons why women do this:

1. You don’t want to be vulnerable.

Falling for a man who is emotionally unavailable allows you to sidestep vulnerability because you know, from the get-go, that the relationship won’t go anywhere.

Maybe you do this because you’ve been hurt in the past and don’t want to be hurt again. Maybe you want to pretend that you’re not looking for anything serious and just trying to have fun. Maybe you don’t want to depend on a man for emotional support.

Whatever the reason, it comes down to this: falling for an emotionally unavailable man because you’re afraid of the vulnerability that true love elicits, is a symptom that you are emotionally unavailable as well.

2. Your dad was emotionally unavailable.

We’ve all heard that women tend to go for men who remind them of their fathers (just as men tend to go for women who remind them of their mothers). This isn’t always the case, of course, but it is ingrained in us early in life through the patterns were introduced to as children.

A woman who grew up with a father who wasn’t emotionally available, who didn’t make her feel like a princess, and who didn’t offer support whenever she was sad and upset, sets the stage.

The child gets used to a certain type of self-soothing; then they grow into an adult who does the same. Sure, they might receive emotional support from their mother or their friends, but they won’t look at it as a quality they need in a man.

RELATED: How To Tell If He's Emotionally Unavailable Or... Just NOT Into You

3. You secretly don’t feel like you deserve it.

Some women believe that they don’t deserve the complete connection and intimacy that love comes with — true love. Some feel as though they aren’t worthy of the attention while others feel as if they don’t need the presence of a man.

So, in turn, they pick partners who confirm this. They pick partners who facilitate their low level of self-esteem. This provides them the predictability they crave. Predictability may be boring, but it’s also safe.

It’s simple, some women believe they only deserve so much. Thus, they go for a guy who is only so-so.

4. You believe that smart men are emotionally unavailable.

Many women crave intelligence in their partner; they want to be with a man who’s smart. And, in order to do so, they give up the requirement of emotional availability.

The reason for this is that some women assume men can’t be smart and emotionally available, as though intelligence destroys connection in a union. The engineer who works too much. The lawyer not looking for anything serious. The rocket scientist who only wants to fuse with nuclear fusion.

But this is an unfair assumption; there are gads of smart and powerful men who are emotionally available. In other words, women don’t have to compromise their own values or what they want in their mate.

Yes, there are smart men who are emotionally not ready to commit. But there are not so smart men who are the same way. The ability to cultivate TLC is not dependent on IQ.

RELATED: The Difference Between Emotionally Unavailable Vs. Emotionally Available Men

5. You choose safety and security over love and connection.

This is an extension of the fourth reason. Some women value safety and security over love and connection. For example, a woman who goes for a smart but emotionally unavailable man may be piqued by what he can offer in terms of stability — a big house, a nice paycheck, 2.5 kids, and the white picket fence.

This isn’t to say women are after money (some women are just as some men are), but it is to say safety is highly alluring to all of us. Still, for the gender that falls victim to the wage gap, the gender that must carry mace, and the gender told never to take drinks from strangers, safety become even more attractive.

Thus, a woman pursuing a relationship with a man with any sort must ask themselves what they’re truly after. Do they want love? Do they want security? Do they seek comfort? Do they want companionship with or without the lust and passion?

The above may be true for you. You may be reading these reasons, nodding your head, and having "aha" moments. Or you may be doing less nodding of your head and more scratching of it — the analysis of the human heart is not one size fits all.

Nonetheless, something about the above likely resonates. And, once you know the root of a problem, you’re better able to solve it.

RELATED: 8 Signs Your Guy Is Emotionally Unavailable (And How To Deal)

Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner and Facilitator. He delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops. Register for his free webinar that reveals the 3 Keys to Attracting and Keeping a High-Quality Man or grab his free guide 8 Secrets To Create A Rock Solid Relationship, by clicking this link