5 Steps You Need To Take After A Breakup To Get Over Your Ex, Let Go Of The Past, & Move On

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5 Steps You Need To Take After A Breakup To Get Over Your Ex, Let Go Of The Past, & Move On

As the song says... breaking up is hard to do. Learning how to get over someone and move on is hard as it is, and worse still if you're breaking up with someone you love.

It's no surprise you want to know how to feel better and get past mourning your breakup to living your best life!

RELATED: How To Get Over Someone And Move On After A Breakup As Soon As Humanly Possible

Do you feel like life's on hold and don't know how you'll get back out there? A breakup can really pull the rug out from under you. All of a sudden everything has changed and it feels like there's a big hole in your life.

Have you been replaying everything that happened and questioning what you could have done differently... what you did or didn't do? Continuing to ask yourself why?

A breakup can make you question yourself and think something is wrong with you. It can make you feel inadequate and unlovable. Your confidence gets undermined and you find yourself sitting on the sidelines.

I lost two years of my life when "the one" walked out of my life. I'd been through breakups before, but this was different. I couldn't seem to get me or my life back.

We'd talked about getting married; everything clicked. I prided myself on being independent and selective. I'd been waiting for the right one and refused to settle because of age or societal pressure. Everything was great, and out of blue... he ends it.

It took the wind out of my sails. He was crying so hard during the breakup, you would have thought I'd broken up with him! I was dumbfounded. Looking back, I kick myself for getting stuck in a rut and letting so much life pass me by.

Here are 5 steps you need to take after a breakup to learn how to let go of the past, ditch your ex, and move on:

RELATED: 10 Things You Might Be Doing To Get Over A Breakup (That Actually Stop You From Moving On)

1. Give yourself time to mourn.

If you don't it will never go away. It's a loss... just like a death. Something is suddenly missing and it's important to acknowledge what your feeling. As you do, become aware of what feelings are coming up. Is it sadness, emptiness, regret or self-criticism? Sadness is natural but self-judgment will get you nowhere fast. Allow yourself to grieve but don't blame yourself. It doesn't have to be someone's fault. It's just how it played out.

2. Let go of trying to understand it.

Don't make yourself crazy and cheat yourself out of valuable time in your life by trying to understand why. I hate to say it... but it just is. Sometimes there is no making sense of it.

This just prolongs your agony. You never really know what goes on in someone's mind or how their past is influencing their decisions and behavior.

You can take control of how you choose to think about it and allow it to affect your present and future.

3. Remember who you are.

You are not the relationship. Don't let one chapter of your life dictate or influence your opinion of yourself. There were circumstances outside of your control that have nothing to do with you. You have good relationships in your life. Focus on those. Enrich and nurture them.

Remind yourself how special you are to others that value and love you. Value and love yourself! Allow that love to fill the void. There's a lot to love about you!

4. Be grateful for the time you shared and what you learned about yourself.

Even though it didn't last forever, your experience made you grow and expand. Maybe you have a better understanding of what you want or don't want in a partner going forward.

Maybe he exposed you to new activities and interests you'd never explored before. When "the one" walked out of my life... I was still grateful for the chance to experience that "wow" feeling.

The biggest highs can create our biggest lows. As hard as it is, that's what makes life worth living. What did you learn? Each relationship teaches you a bit more about yourself. Use that to enrich your relationships going forward.

5. Focus on you.

The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Pamper yourself... get a massage, lay by the pool, go to your favorite restaurant, take a hike in nature, go for drinks with a friend... have fun with you!

Love up on yourself!

Do things you like and make you feel good. Most importantly focus on all the good within you. All you have to offer. If you discover you are blaming or criticizing yourself for what happened... stop it!

You gave it your best shot. That's all you can expect from yourself. Let it go. It wasn't the right one for you. There's someone special for you because you're special. Don't forget it!

It's easy to get sideways once in a while and need to shore up your confidence so you can get back in the game. If you have an interest in building yours back up and getting your feet back on solid ground, then follow these steps to get out of your head and back into your life!

RELATED: Why You Still Can't Get Over Him

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Barbara Rush is a self-empowerment and mindset coach who can help you build a "Can Do" mindset. For more information, visit her website.