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Heal and move on.
By Apollonia Ponti — Written on Jan 03, 2019
After a devastating breakup, it's common to find yourself looking for answers on how to heal your broken heart and how to love yourself again in the process. You might be at a point in your life where you feel confused, sad, or just want to find a way to be happier in light of recent events.
Every successful person has hit rock bottom before they could reach success, so you are no different than anyone else out there! You’re just at a different chapter in your story and it’s about what you do with your time moving forward that defines what happens next.
The truth about how to love yourself again — and how this influences your life — has a direct correlation with all of your relationships. You can learn how to get over a breakup with someone you love, heal a broken heart, focus on moving forward, and go on to live the life you’ve always imagined.
After a breakup or divorce — or during a transitional period when you are trying to find yourself — you can start questioning what love is and how to love yourself. When you get your heart broken, you might feel like you're not wanted anymore or you can’t be loved. You might even be at an all-time low in your life.
You can start learning how to love yourself again by putting things into perspective.
Relationships make us grow, challenge us, and show up so we can see the things that we need to work on. When we seek validation from another person to love us in order to feel complete, we become unfulfilled and our "baggage" surges up. Things we haven’t worked on come up in these relationships and they can either become toxic or we can end up experiencing the death of attraction, which in turn pushes your partner away.
The most challenging thing in the process of loving yourself and figuring out how to become happier is patience.
Dealing with a breakup and the resulting heartbreak is not something that can heal overnight. It takes time and it takes effort.
If you put yourself in the state of mind to never give up, then you will be rewarded at the end. Sometimes it can take months or even years, but don’t let that discourage you. The most satisfying and fulfilling elements of life require investment.
Life is about constant work and you master it by never giving up. Time is your best friend but also feels like your worst enemy sometimes. Though it requires patience, as time goes on, you eventually learn how to heal your broken heart and find ways to love yourself.
You need to invest the time in order to be the best person that you can be. You have to invest time in everything in life and people tend to forget that they have to invest in themselves.
Take the time to invest in you! When we come into this world we have no fear and we have no self-doubt. Fear and self-doubt are both learned behaviors. It’s about taking action now to unlearn the behavior.
Think about it this way: You’ve had to personally invest in everything important in your life. Whether it is time, finances, or your own thoughts, it requires investment in order to make the best possible thing in the best possible way.
Here are 6 essential pieces of dating advice on how to love yourself and get over a breakup so you can heal your broken heart.
1. Be patient and okay with time
Don't try to rush the process towards your own personal growth. Take your time and your heart will heal in no time.
2. Be compassionate with yourself
Don’t give energy to negative self-doubting thoughts of putting yourself down. Now, it’s not something that you can control instantaneously and say, "No more negative thoughts" and then just expect them to disappear. No, it takes practice. You get so used to concentrating on your ego’s remarks and your ego may respond saying you’re not good enough, you’re never going to be loved, or you’re not attractive enough.
Start focusing on what was created. This becomes a subconscious habit and you'll get used to these thoughts when it comes to loving yourself. Then, these thoughts play into our mind and we start to believe them.
3. Be more present in the moment
Being more present comes with a whole realm of things. You have to be present in order to catch yourself in the right moments.
Be present in the thoughts that are coming through. You’re not going to capture and stomp out every single thought, and that’s okay, but start being present with your thoughts and controlling those thoughts to have a more positive outlook. Tell yourself you are worthy, you are lovable, you are loved, and do the things that make you happy. Start realigning your thoughts.
4. Figure out why you're unhappy
Read some self-development books, watch videos, and invest time in things that will help guide you and stay motivated. Think about what you are dissatisfied with in regards to your life right now. What are you trying to love about yourself again? Do you feel like you’re never going to be loved again because of a specific issue?
Maybe you cheated, maybe something happened in your life? Understand that when you truly love yourself, you will find someone that will love you for you no matter where you are in life. Love is intentional and energy attracts energy. You have to love yourself so others can follow. Stay focused on self-development.
5. Know what you want
Hire a coach or a psychiatrist and invest in some good books or courses to help you with your goals. Find a community so you can find support, new surroundings, and new people to be around. Hiring someone is always a great way to hold yourself accountable and they can listen with an outside perspective and give you sound advice with a professional opinion.
A professional will be able to provide you with tools that you don’t even know existed! So expand your horizons, and really take the time and invest in yourself to do so.
6. Do something that you’ve always wanted to do
This can lift your spirits so much. So if you’ve been dying to go hiking and you’ve never done it, if you wanted to book a trip to New York and you’ve never been, or if you always wanted to pick up the phone and talk to one of your childhood friends again, do it now!
Now is your time because time is our best friend, but remember that time is not forever. Living a life that you truly want for yourself will be so valuable. Envision the life that you want right now.
Envision the life that you want. Write it down or just envision it and stay with that vision for at least two to three minutes. Do that every day.
Visualization is so impactful when it comes to your energy and when it comes to manifestation. You can create the ideal life that you want, but it doesn’t come to you without you putting in the work. Once you hold yourself accountable and understand that some days will be harder than others, you will have fewer hard days and easier days as long as you stay committed to the work.
I have seen the lives of several clients transform as a result of these exercises. I know what it takes to make lasting changes so I challenge you to wake up every day and do the above tips. Watch your life change before your very eyes!
Apollonia Ponti is an internationally certified relationship coach who works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and rebuild relationships. Find more of her expert advice by visiting her YouTube Channel, reading her Attract a Woman e-book, or booking a coaching session.
This article was originally published at Apollonia Ponti . Reprinted with permission from the author.