Don't Let The Ugly In Others Kill The Beauty In You — 3 Steps To Love Yourself Again

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woman looking in the mirror to love herself again
Self

Have you ever look in the mirror only to not recognize the person looking back at you? Do you try to sleep at night only to watch the video of your day replay repeatedly on the movie screen of your mind?

Do you find that the main character — you — is someone you don’t truly like or enjoy?

As the scenes play out and the dialogue echoes in your brain, do you realize you've begun to look and sound more like someone in your life who's a downer?

It's time to learn how to love yourself again. 

Facing the proverbial mirror can be extremely hurtful, especially when you realize that what's being reflected back at you isn’t very pretty.

You notice that what makes you beautifully you — how you show up for yourself and to others — is fading. Perhaps, you feel like you're changing from a warm, energizing ray of sunshine to a cold, dampening dark cloud.

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When you recognize that you're not showing up as the beautiful person you truly are, you may experience negative thoughts and self-loathing.

As you ruminate the "would have," "could have," and "should have's" during the replays of the day, you become aware of how the script should have been different.

You may retreat to a mindset of sadness, guilt, shame, and blame. And these feelings can lead to an array of self-sabotaging behaviors.

As you scrutinize your reflection the negative thoughts take over.

Perhaps, you eventually consider, "Who is affecting me?" And that’s when you realize that you're negatively affected by someone in your life.

It must be someone you care about, hold in high regard, or at the very least, someone who consumes much of your time and attention.

And, that someone is like a dark cloud. Someone who is negative in some way. Someone who brings you down.

That person is rubbing off on you.

Are they negative by nature? Are they typically critical, cynical, and maybe even calculating? Are they bitter, needy, and clingy?

Meanwhile, are you positive by nature? Are you typically kind, caring, and light-hearted? Are you happy, compassionate, and authentic? What other words would you use to describe yourself?

Regardless, has the force of their negativity been stronger than the pull of your positivity? Regardless, it's time for a makeover so you can return to that reflection of your true self.

Here are 3 steps to learn how to love yourself again when others try to destroy your inner beauty. 

1. Identify the toxic people and their influences on you.

Everyone has someone in their life whom they love or admire but who has a way about them that can bring down everyone around them.

Are they always in conflict with something or someone? Victimized by something or someone?

Energy is contagious. And, when someone sees everything in life as a fight or a slight against them, it leads them to a dark place.

You've just identified that their "ugly" is destroying your "beauty." Identifying who and what it is about their personality or character is the first step in your makeover.

When you're aware, you can prepare.

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2. Create healthy boundaries between you and the negative person.

You will need to implement some boundaries to protect your energy and emotional well-being. Let’s be clear, the boundaries are for you.

You may have heard it said that "Good fences make good neighbors"? That should be your daily beauty regime. Your fence is to define your mental and emotional property and it's your responsibility to maintain it.

The most important boundary is to stay aware when their ugly appears. Choose to not react, respond, or participate in any way that fuels more negativity.

Use the power of your beauty, instead, according to what the situation calls for. Perhaps, you can acknowledge their experience, express empathy, and then redirect them to something positive.

Shine a light for them to follow, but if they don’t, move on. You are responsible for you, not them.

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3. Learning to love yourself again means staying beautiful.

One top beauty secret is to surround yourself with positive, upbeat people. This is the best mood lifter and frown filler on the market! Avoiding those who are negative, downbeat, highly conflictual, and perpetual victims of life is a great prescription.

But sometimes, the relationship is one that requires contact.

So, remember this: staying beautiful doesn’t mean you step aside and allow someone to bulldoze through your fence. It means you stay true to yourself — fence posts firmly cemented.

You keep your side of the fence beautiful, whether they like and appreciate it or not. And, it means that you don’t join them on their ugly side.

By not falling for their commiserating, complaining, controlling, or even judging them for doing so, your true beauty will strengthen and shine.

It is beautiful people like you — the empathetic, compassionate, sensitive, and attentive — who are most in tune with others’ emotions and are most vulnerable to being pulled over to the other side of the fence.

Whether you have the need to please or rescue or simply don't want someone to feel alone in their misery, your beauty can be used against you.

Learning to love yourself again takes some work. Without awareness and preparedness, you can easily become overpowered and weakened.

At the end of the day, it’s about being responsible and accountable for the energy you bring to every situation. That’s how you learn self-love.

After all, it’s you who must be able to face the mirror with confidence and there's no better remedy for beauty than a good night’s sleep.

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Ann Papayoti, PCC, is an author, speaker, and coach helping people untangle from their past, heal their hearts, and unlock their best life. She is the co-author of the intimate self-help guide, The Gift of Shift. For more information on how she can help you, visit her website.