In Favor Of Fighting: Why It's OK To Argue

female fighter with boxing gloves

Put up your dukes! Couples who don't fight face other problems.

Here is an argument for arguing: It shows you trust the other person and your relationship enough to make waves.

When couples say they never argue, it's often for one of two reasons:

1. They are too afraid of what might happen because they don't trust that they have an unshakeable bond. Instead, they think that one little (or big) argument could change everything or push him/her over the edge. If your partner is that close to the edge that one fight could knock him/her over, then it makes perfect sense that you'd be afraid to clash.

2. There is so little passion left that nothing feels worth arguing for. When there is a problem in a relationship, it's usually because one person thinks the other person is putting something or someone above the relationship. When the relationship is no longer sacred — when one or both parties are okay with it not being number one — there's nothing left worth fighting over.

So if you're scratching your head, thinking, "It’s not bad that we argue?" then ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you always make up?
  • Does your relationship remain unscathed by your fights in the long run?
  • Is it maybe even stronger because of them?

If so, then no, it's not bad. If you don't fight, ask yourself why not. If it's because you trust your relationship and there is lots of passion and you just don't disagree very often, that's awesome. But, if you're afraid a wave might sweep your partner over the edge, or if you think 'what’s the point of arguing?' then it may be time to take a closer look at your relationship.

Amy Johnson, Ph.D. is a psychologist and master certified coach. She writes a popular blog called Modern Enlightenment full of down-to-earth, achievable steps to living a happier, more enlightened life. Grab her FREE ebook on getting out of your own way to create the life you want.