How To Leave A Relationship Gracefully & Not Look Back

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How To Leave A Relationship Gracefully & Not Look Back

No regrets.

When it seems clear that a relationship is over (at least to one of you), the pain of breaking up and moving on can seem overwhelming and even impossible.

But it doesn't have to be. You can leave a relationship gracefully and not be tempted to go back even when you feel weak.

Before the two of us got together, Susie and her ex-husband ended their 30-year marriage in a loving way. Even though they both agreed to the divorce, she found herself obsessing over his welfare after he moved out until one important day.

As she stood in her living room worrying about him, it suddenly occurred to her to wonder about her future which was wide open.

She then asked herself a couple of very important questions: "What am I going to do in the next part of my life? What kind of relationship do I really want?"

Here are 3 ways she used at the time to help her move on without regret and you can use as well:

1. Separate the facts from your stories.

There are the facts about what’s going on between the two of you in the relationship and then there are the stories that you make up about what’s going on and what it would mean to leave.

When you make the decision to break up, it’s tempting to either make the relationship better than it really was in your mind or be the victim and make it worse. Either way, it keeps you tied to the relationship and holds you back from moving on. Here’s what we mean.

Fact: The two of you want different things in life and haven’t been able to find common ground on which to build your future.

Story: If only my partner would have bent a little and seen it my way, we could have made the relationship work.

When you look at what has been dividing you from a factual, objective viewpoint, you can see more clearly what’s going on. When you stick to the facts, your emotions will not hold you hostage and you’ll be far more unlikely to hold onto the past.

RELATED: 20 Crucial Things You Must Do Immediately After A Breakup

2. Get calm.

Right now your mind is probably racing with weighing alternatives and your emotions are getting the best of you, clouding your judgment.

Maybe your partner didn't want this breakup and is devastated. You know that you’re not thinking straight but don’t know what to do about it.

Getting calm can look like that last thing you think you can do!

We get it but here’s the thing. What you need now is fresh thinking and mulling over the same thoughts repeatedly won’t get you the answers you want. If might seem counter-intuitive but we suggest taking your mind off the breakup.

You can do this by going for a run, pampering yourself, having fun with a friend (not talking about your situation) or anything else that focuses your mind on something other than your situation.

When your mind calms, you will get an insight into your next step — guaranteed. And it will come from the wisdom deep inside you instead of your hamster-cage thinking.

RELATED: 10 Reasons Why Some People Just Can't Let Go After A Breakup

3. Focus on the possibilities of your bright future.

When you are able to focus on what you want in your future instead of what went wrong in the past, you’ll be able to move on as you transition with much more ease and less upset and regret.

In saying this, we don’t recommend stuffing down your sadness. In fact, it might be healthy for you to give yourself some time each day (or whenever you need it) to cry. But we suggest you don’t spend the majority of your time there.

Start noticing what brings you joy and do more of that. Start seeing the gifts of small moments of love in your life.

When you focus on seeing possibilities for your future, you won’t be dragged into the past. Instead, you’ll be moving toward the wonderful life that you want.

RELATED: How To Get Over A Breakup When YOU'RE The Dumper

Susie and Otto Collins have been helping men and women all over the world create true breakthroughs in their relationships and marriages since 1999. Sign up for their FREE Email Mini-Course: "5 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Deciding Whether to Stay in or Leave a Relationship".