How to Trust Again After Your Heart's Been Broken

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How to Trust Again After Your Heart's Been Broken

3 ways to get back on that saddle (where you belong!).

When your heart has been broken so many times that you find yourself fearful of trusting one more person and opening to love again.

You’re not alone!

No matter how many friends urge you to "get back out there" again or even if you’re with a partner who has repeatedly hurt you, there’s a big part of you that holds back because you just know your heart will be broken once again if you even consider loving again.

You might even feel resigned to giving up on love entirely because it’s ended so badly in the past and you secretly think something’s wrong with you because of the list of "losers" you’ve attracted (and the broken heart you've had to mend). 

RELATED: How Betrayal Changes Your Heart Forever

What we know for sure is that your past doesn’t have to equal your future. You can have a different and better relationship experience starting right now.

We’ve seen it in our lives, we’ve seen it in the lives of our coaching clients, and it can be your experience as well.

The secret to learning to how to get over heartbreak and trust again doesn’t start with getting into a new relationship and doing "exercises" or practicing mantras or specific methods. It really starts with you.

If you’re game, here are 3 suggestions on how to trust again after your heart’s been broken too many times:

1. Bypass the mind chatter and listen for the still, small voice inside.

If you’ve been hurt many times in relationships, we don’t have to tell you about that critical voice inside that is constantly putting you down and looking for the worst-case scenario.

This mind chatter is what clouds your judgment and covers over what we call the still, small voice of wisdom inside you.

Before you tell us that you have no "still, small voice of wisdom" inside you, we know that you do. It’s in all of us but we just can’t hear this guidance if we’re constantly listening to and believing that loud, obnoxious, critical voice.

While you may not hear an actual "voice" of wisdom, if you get quiet enough, you will get inner promptings of who to trust and be with and who not to be with.

You’ll get inner promptings that tell you what action to take next. Most people we coach to help them get over a breakup say that when they look back, they can see warning signs that they ignored.

They can see these nudges of warning and direction came from their inner wisdom — and not their fear.

And you can learn to pay attention to your voice of wisdom as well.

RELATED: 5 Ways To Never Experience Heartbreak Ever Again

2. Practice trusting yourself.

The key to learning to trust others is to learn to trust yourself and your intuition first. You might be saying that you don’t know when the voice is your fear or the voice of wisdom talking.

One of the ways to tell the difference is to practice discernment which can look like this: Learn to listen to the difference between your internal "yes" and your internal "no".

Take a subject that you feel is a very strong "yes" for you and tune into your body.

What’s your feeling and where do you feel it? It’s often a solid knowing located in your solar plexus above your navel but may look like something else for you.

Now think of something that’s ridiculous and a very strong "no" for you like doing something you know you wouldn’t do. Where is that "no" in your body and what does it feel like? It’s often a heavy feeling coupled with dread but could be different for you.

Whatever it is, pay attention and practice your "yes" and "no" in your daily life. Pretty soon you’ll see a pattern and you can learn to discriminate between your wisdom and what’s something to stay away from.

3. Be loving to yourself.

You may have been inadvertently punishing yourself for what you might have called your relationship "failures".

Punishing yourself can take many forms like over-indulging with food, drink or any other manner of ways but the most damaging way is believing the critical thoughts about yourself that you constantly think.

When you stop believing all those belittling thoughts about yourself, you open to new possibilities instead of staying stuck. When you stop believing all those fearful thoughts, you are allowing yourself to be more of who you truly are.

You are loving yourself.

Trusting again after your heart has been broken too many times begins with you and can certainly be your reality!

RELATED: How Long It Really Takes To Get Over A Breakup (Says Science)

Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life. You’ll find articles and videos on many relationship topics on their website