7 Reasons Why Your Ex Texts You Out Of The Blue

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why your ex texts you

Does he want you back?

Millions of women ask, "Why does my ex text me?" Most times, the reason is simpler than you imagine if you understand how men think.

For example, imagine you haven't heard from a guy for two years. Then, one day, he texts you out of the blue asking how you're doing. At that moment, you might think he's interested again, right? Then he disappears with no further contact.

Why would a man tell you he’s thinking about you, but then leave the conversation with loose ends? I know this behavior seems really confusing — but that’s where I can help!

RELATED: 5 Things Women Expect From Men (That Sabotage Their Chances At Love)

Here are seven possible reasons he texted you out of the blue, then stopped, and how you might be reading into it:

1. He’s big on fantasy.

Men frequently daydream about women they dated, met once, saw online, on the subway or on TV, etc.

They spend a LOT of time thinking about sex — about 19 times a day, according to WebMD — which is nearly twice as often as women. Texting you gave him a visual focus because he clearly finds you attractive. But that doesn’t mean he wants to start something or see you, so don’t read into it.

2. He’s feeling down.

When a guy feels lonely or down, texting you is a great ego boost.

When you text back, he’ll see you’re still interested. Then he’s all set because he only wanted a little confirmation that he’s still got it. This exchange buoys his sense of masculine attraction so he can move forward. For him, that was satisfying enough and there's no reason to continue the conversation or see you.

On the flip side, women tend to be flattered by a man reaching out from the past and get curious, hoping for more. More conversation, more texting, and maybe a chance to go on a date. We want to know the backstory, find out details and investigate.

Women can’t imagine there’s a reason to text if you don’t want more. But that’s not how men think. More on this later.

3. He’s showing off.

Maybe a man from your past is showing off to a friend about how popular he is. He hands him his phone with texts from you as evidence.

Or, he texts you in his friend’s presence, hoping you’ll answer and make him look good — as if he’s got a bunch of women waiting in line. He’s not invested in the actual conversation and your response is all he sought.

4. He’s sentimental.

Men can be sentimental and he might have remembered your relationship which made him miss you.

On impulse, he texted to say he was thinking about you. Usually, this kind of sentimentality is short-lived and he’s on to the next thought whatever that might be. This is why you shouldn’t attach meaning to a random text.

5. He’s had a few.

Drinking can sure bring on a sentimental state-of-mind.

After a few drinks, texting you seems like a great idea. He might be feeling romantic, missing a woman in his life, missing you or just need some female attention. Anything is possible when he’s not sober. But like drunk dialing, the morning after is filled with regrets and nothing more comes of it.

6. He just broke up with someone. 

If a man you dated a while ago texts you out of the blue, he might have just broken up with his current flame.

Feeling wounded, he wants to reconnect no matter how briefly to feel loved again. He remembers you fondly so he texts to see what’s up. This is a temporary measure and as soon as he feels better, he’ll be gone.

7. He doesn’t think like you do.

As I mentioned earlier, the way men and women think is drastically different. Women have strong emotions and extensive reasons behind what we say and do. However, we often prefer not to reveal the deeper motivation behind our behavior.

While men may have deep feelings or hidden agendas, they are more direct and simpler to understand. Of course, you have to know what to watch for and can’t rely on feminine thinking to figure out what is actually going on.

To be clear, don't expect anything when a man texts you out of the blue.

Women also tend to make excuses for men or hypothesize reasons for contact when there’s a lack of information. We want to understand why he did or said something and this is why we assign meaning and end up feeling lost and confused.

Girlfriends may say he’s afraid to ask you out because you rejected him. Maybe he was working on a big project at work, in an accident or someone in his family suddenly fell ill. Have these excuses come to mind when you were desperate to understand why he texted and disappeared?

To protect yourself in the future, don’t take his texting seriously or give it meaning.

If he wants to see you, he’ll ask. If he doesn't, that’s all you need to know about getting back together. No response and disappearing clearly communicate he doesn't care enough. His texting is NOT a sign of long-term romantic interest.

How to know he's really interested:

Knowing the signals of a man who is serious can help you weed out the riffraff.

When a guy texts you regularly, takes you on weekly dates, calls in between and stays in touch, he is proving his interest. This is also true when your ex wants you back. 

Consistent effort to get to know you and spend time together show he’s got true potential. When you let go of guys who are sporadic in their pursuit of you, you’re on your way to finding the right man and a good match for lasting love.

RELATED: 7 Ways To Tell For Sure If He's Just Using You For Sex

Ronnie Ann Ryan is a Dating Coach for Women over 40 who has helped women find love for 15 years. If you’re ready to stop wasting precious time texting the wrong men or turning off the right ones, get her Free book 7 Deadly Sins of Texting