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What was she even thinking?
By Taylor Haynes — Written on Dec 31, 2022
A mother went to Reddit to figure out if she was wrong for inviting her daughter's ex-boyfriend to her birthday party, even though she only had good intentions.
She posted to the forum "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA), a place where online users can post stories about conflict in their lives, to find out what strangers had to say about her predicament.
The mother wanted to surprise her daughter with a birthday party.
The 46-year-old’s post began by revealing that her daughter loved surprises, so she called all of her friends and invited them.
She knew that her daughter had been friends with a boy she had known since elementary school named Matt.
The mother claimed that Matt was a “really sweet boy,” and that he treated her daughter well.
When she called up the 17-year-old, he was confused, and he revealed that they had broken up 2 weeks ago.
“That was news to me. My daughter was still going out at least twice a week, always telling me she was going out with Matt,” she wrote.
“She had even told me she was going out with Matt the night before I called Matt. I still have no idea where she’s been going.”
Her maternal instincts kicked in, and she worried that it could be something bad if she was keeping up with the lie that they were still together.
"Plus, she’s been hanging out with some new people in the last few months," she continued. "One of them is a person who my daughter used to joke about being a hard drug addict."
The daughter no longer made those kinds of jokes, but it was still concerning to her.
She was wondering if it was okay to invite her daughter's ex-boyfriend.
"I didn’t say this all to Matt. I apologized for calling him and told him to have a good day. Before I hung up, he asked if he actually could come to the party," she wrote.
Matt claimed that he wanted to speak with his ex — her daughter — because she was "distant" at school.
"Again, Matt is a really good kid, and he’s known my daughter for a long time," she wrote.
"If she was really into something dangerous, like drugs or alcohol abuse (which sadly run in my family), talking to him might be able to help her out it."
She told Matt that he could come, but if her daughter asked him to leave, then he should go.
"Well, the party was last week, and my daughter was surprised by all her guests. But she got really mad when she saw Matt," she wrote. "I saw her having an angry conversation with him, and he left shortly after that."
When she spoke with her mother afterward, she finally admitted to them being broken up — but her mother revealed that she already knew that.
She explained why she invited Matt to her party, but her daughter "was livid."
She called her a "terrible mother," and acted cold towards her ever since the party.
She wanted to make sure she wasn't in the wrong.
The woman was apologetic about her daughter’s situation, but she was still confused about whether she was fully in the wrong for her actions.
"I love her more than anything, and I really wanted to do what was best for her," she wrote.
"I’m sort of lost, so I was hoping you all could give me a [judgment] so I can understand this situation better."
One user ruled that she was "the a–-hole" since she invited him knowing they were not together.
"You have no idea why they broke up," they wrote. "Maybe he cheated. Maybe he tried to move too fast. Or maybe she just likes someone else. The point is, you. Didn't. Know."
"You should have checked with your daughter," someone else wrote.
"You knew she would be uncomfortable with having her ex around but you invited him for your own benefit. You just ruined any chances you had of your daughter opening up to you. She is not going to trust you now."
A third claimed "Her behavior is certainly concerning and you need to address that, but her surprise party is not the place to air things out with her ex."
Taylor Haynes is a writer based in Chicago. She covers entertainment, news and human interest stories at YourTango. You can find her on Instagram here.