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She expected to be treated better.
By Taylor Haynes — Written on Nov 06, 2022
Nothing gets folks more angry than bad etiquette.
Many people have varied opinions on what etiquette means and how to achieve it. There are virtual meeting etiquette tips, digital etiquette like dating tips on texting. But wedding etiquette is a whole different beast.
One Reddit user was annoyed enough about how she was treated ahead of a family wedding that she decided to post her story online.
It all started with an invitation.
In the subreddit “Wedding Shaming”, users can comment, judge, and shame brides, grooms, in-laws, and other aspects of someone’s wedding.
The user began by describing being invited to two separate showers for their second cousin's wedding. She purchased two gifts for each bride, and “waited and waited for the wedding invitations to arrive,” but to her dismay, they did not.
She acknowledged that she may have been overlooked for the first wedding, the shower took place before invites were sent and she was the only member of a large family who didn't get an invite.
But she felt like not being invited to the second wedding was just plain rude.
"The shower took place with the bride and the host of the party knowing that many of the people attending the shower were not invited to the wedding," she wrote.
She felt used by the brides.
“It felt like I was good enough to spend money for a shower gift, but not good enough to attend the wedding,” she wrote.
She continued by relating it to the famous etiquette writer Emily Post, “I was always taught that if you send an invitation to the shower, you should always send an invitation to the wedding. Emily Post agrees,”
“It seems like some of the younger generations do not know this, or they simply don't care. The reason for this was her budget.”
Many commenters mentioned Emily Post as well.
One Reddit user used the comment section to agree with the disgruntled bridal shower guest.
“Emily Post was correct then and still is,” the user wrote. They then went on to explain how the bridal showers were a “gift grab and it’s gross.”
They ended their comment by saying the expectations for wedding invites are not difficult, “it doesn’t require tea-length dresses, it’s just expecting people to behave with an ounce — just an ounce — of class.”
However, other users had more of an "it's the thought that counts" approach to gift-giving.
"Showers used to be meant as a joyful occasion to gift the couple with necessary items for the new home," one person wrote.
"Maybe one should simply give a gift because one truly cares about the couple. It's a wonderful way to let them know you love and congratulate them on finding their forever partner."
They added that the bridal shower, "shouldn't be based on whether or not one is invited to the wedding. Some couples would love to invite everyone but just don't have the budget to accommodate all of them."
Taylor Haynes is a writer based in Chicago. She writes for Entertainment & News at YourTango. You can find her on Instagram here.