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She doesn't want her daughter around strangers.
By Nia Tipton — Written on Oct 31, 2022
A mother has opened up about the concern she is feeling about her 3-year-old daughter hanging around the toddler's polyamorous father and his multiple partners.
Posting to the subreddit "r/AmItheA--hole" (AITA), the woman, 22, explained that she and her ex-boyfriend, 24, broke up a year ago and have been co-parenting their 3-year-old daughter together.
In her Reddit post, the woman wrote that she and her ex-boyfriend's relationship had ended amicably, and the two were still friends.
She said that "a few months ago" he told her that he was "thinking about exploring polyamory."
She told him that she was "fine" with it, and had "no issue with polyamory."
However, the woman said she did have an issue with the "few people he sees on a regular basis."
"I’m aware of at least 4 people he sees and considers his [friends with benefits]/casual partners," she shared.
"When I dropped my daughter off with him for a weekend he had a girl I had never met staying with them, when I went to pick her up he was saying he was going to the airport to pick up this couple he had met online."
She argued that her daughter is now "old enough" to start realizing who the people her father has around are, and has often asked her about her mom about dad's "girlfriends" and why he has so many partners.
The mom pointed out that she is worried about her ex-boyfriend bringing all of those people around their daughter.
"I think it makes her a little confused and also I don’t know how well he vets these people before letting her see them," she wrote.
She detailed an incident that happened after her ex-boyfriend asked to reschedule his time with his daughter because "he had a new date coming."
That's when she told him that she wasn't particularly comfortable with his arrangement and didn't think that his polyamory was healthy for their daughter.
She explained that he sees their daughter on the weekends and sometimes longer depending on their schedules.
"We don’t have a legal custody arrangement because we have done a good job so far figuring it out on our own, but I told him that until he stops bringing so many people around her I’m not comfortable letting her stay at his house, especially if other adults are staying with him as well."
The woman's ex-boyfriend rebuffed her worries, telling her that she was being "irrational" and he isn't able to stop people from coming over while he spends time with his daughter.
He argued that they can't shelter their daughter from polyamory forever, and then accused the woman of being "homophobic" because she has dated other men around their daughter.
"We have never had a fight this big before and my mom says I was wrong because he has shown to be a good dad, but I am still uncomfortable with this," the woman concluded.
The majority of people who commented on the woman's Reddit post agreed that she was NTA (Not The A-hole).
"The issue isn't the polyamory, it's the fact that he brings multiple random adults around your child without properly vetting how safe they are," one user wrote.
"It would be different if it was his long-term friends/partners staying the night."
Another user chimed in, writing, "I would have issues about random people being around kids of mine."
"What he does in his free time is his business but his three-year-old doesn’t need to see it or be a part of it."
Nia Tipton is a writer living in Brooklyn. She covers pop culture, social justice issues, and trending topics. Keep up with her on Instagram and Twitter.