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Man Asks If He Was Wrong To Tell His Stepmom She Was 'Delusional' When She Asked To Adopt Him

Photo: altanaka / Shutterstock
boy, stepmother

A young man’s stepmother has been trying to adopt him for the past 11 years since she married his father.

He claims that he never saw her as a mother figure and has voiced his thoughts to her. 

However, she is continuing to ignore him and persuade him to let her adopt him. The teen shared that “chaos” ensued at a family party where his stepmother once again asked to adopt him. 

The young man called his stepmother 'delusional' for thinking he would let her adopt him.

Posting his story on the subreddit, r/AmITheA–hole, the man asked other Redditors if he was wrong for his choice of words toward his stepmother and how he handled the situation.  

The man began his post by sharing that his biological mother died when he was six years old. The following year, his father wound up marrying one of his close friends, Ana. 

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From the beginning of their relationship, Ana has asked the man if she could adopt him as her legal son. 

“Ana brought up the idea of adopting me on the day of the wedding,” the man wrote.

“It was something my dad was all for but I went nuts when she mentioned it to me and I kinda spoiled the rest of the wedding.”

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Over the next year, the man underwent “intense” therapy where he was repeatedly told by therapists that he “needed a mom” who would “provide safety” and that accepting Ana as his new mother was not a “betrayal” of his late mother. 

The man’s therapist eventually put the recommendation of Ana legally adopting him into court for approval. 

However, the man claims he protested when a judge spoke with him. 

“I told him that I would run away and that I would do everything to never come back,” he wrote. “I was eight at the time and meant business.” 

After listening to what the man had to say, the judge denied the adoption request from his father and Ana and informed them that until the man was on board with the adoption, he would not allow it to happen in his court. 

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Nevertheless, the man’s father and Ana persisted. “They did try again, requesting a different judge, but received the same response,” the man added. 

Over the years, the man was “constantly asked” to change his mind about the adoption. He never budged. 

“Every time I told her she could never be my mom she took it as a challenge to try harder, and better, and she would dedicate so much time to me it was crazy,” the man wrote.

“I never appreciated it because instead of just being Ana, and instead of my dad telling her to just be Ana, she saw mom as the only thing she wanted.” 

Although Ana and the man’s father had biological children of their own, she still always referred to him as “my son” and “my boy.” 

“If we're being honest I don't even love her after all these years. I see her as more of an intrusive family member who won't stop,” the man wrote. 

The man admitted that his relationship with his father is not in great condition due to his refusal to let Ana adopt him and that he is encouraging him to accept Ana as his mother should something ever happen to him. 

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When the man turned 18, he moved out of his father’s home to live with other family members. He reconnected with Ana and his father at a recent wedding anniversary party for his paternal grandparents. 

“While there Ana approached me and handed me papers for adult adoption,” the man revealed.

“She told me she loved me and she wanted me to know it was not too late, that she would still adopt me and she wanted to make our relationship official as mother and son.” 

At this point, the man was fed up with Ana continuing to agree to a decision he was not comfortable with. 

“I asked her how she could be so delusional when I have said no to being adopted for 11 years now. I told her I would not change my mind,” he wrote. 

The man’s father and Ana were upset, and now the man is asking if he was in the wrong. 

Redditors supported the man and his decision not to let Ana adopt him. 

“No means no. Maybe if they let you actually heal first, things would have been different but even if you had healed at the time and still said no to Ana that would still be okay,” one user pointed out. “Everyone can set their own boundaries.” 

“Seriously. I lost my dad two years ago and I’m still grieving, and I’m an ADULT. I can’t even imagine what those feelings are like for a young child,” another user commented. “She just won’t respect OP’s [original poster’s] decision and stop. They need to let it go.” 

“You would think being embarrassed at her own wedding would have been enough, but she kept it up for 11 years? That is in fact delusional,” another user shared. 

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Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.