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'Homely' Bride Asks If She's Wrong For Not Letting Her 'Humble & Sweet' Sister Be A Bridesmaid Because She's Beautiful

Photo: Yaroslav Shuraev, Leah Kelley / Pexels
Woman with scar, bride

Physical appearances should never be the most important aspect of anyone’s view of themselves, yet there’s a clear societal focus on how people look, especially on their wedding day. 

Of course, a bride should feel beautiful on her wedding day, but that’s not the most important part of a wedding– a day where you commit your love and life to your partner. 

One woman found out that appearances aren’t everything, no matter how much society says they are. A bride-to-be wrote to the subreddit r/AmITheA–hole (AITA) seeking advice about her choice to not let her sister be a part of her wedding party.

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A 'homely' bride asked if she was wrong for not letting her 'humble and sweet' sister be a bridesmaid because she’s beautiful.

The 25-year-old woman wrote, “I am a homely-looking girl. There is no other way to say it; I am not hot or even pretty by most people's standards.” 

Yet her sister Bella “is one of the most beautiful women who has ever walked this planet.”

“We have different dads, and I guess she just won the genetic lottery. I was jealous of her as a kid, especially because we were always compared to one another,” the bride stated. She described her sister as a “genuinely great person.”

“She's humble and sweet, and even though she could've made a living off of her looks, she ended up going into social work and now works with kids in foster care.”

The bride mentions that she and her sister are close and that she was the maid-of-honor at Bella’s wedding two years prior. When the bride-to-be’s fiancé, Allen, proposed to her, she said yes, to her family’s delight. But as she started to plan the specifics of the wedding, one issue got in her way.

“I thought about it a lot and decided to not have Bella in my bridal party,” she stated. “I just wanted one day where we weren't standing side-by-side, being compared,” the bride explained. “I wanted to be the pretty one standing at the altar on my day.”

She noted that “I've gotten over my jealousy of her for the most part and accepted myself for how I look and who I am, but the thought of everyone looking at her at my wedding broke my heart.”

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The bride told her sister she couldn’t be in her wedding party, and her sister said that ‘it was really hurtful’ to be excluded ‘because of the way she looks.’

The bride has been in therapy “for family issues and self-image issues since the day [she] turned 18, but it hasn't 100% sorted itself out yet.”

“I work on it every day,” she says, of her low self-worth.

She added that she has “a facial deformity because my jaw did not form correctly in the womb, leaving my chin and mouth deformed.”

“My family has never let me forget this part of myself,” she explained. “I have cut most of them out of my life, but the trauma is still there.”

While the bride was voted the a–hole by Reddit, most commenters claimed it was “the softest” version of the label they could give. As one person said, “with the gift of a bit more age and perspective, myself, I think she's being the biggest of a–hole to herself, poor love.”

“At the wedding, you would be 100% be the center of attention. Nobody who cares about people compares the bride in the way that you fear,” noted another person. Someone else stated that the bride's feelings of insecurity were “completely valid.”

They continued on, stating their hope that “she will place them on the scales next to her feelings of love for her sister. In the rear-view mirror, we're all so much more wonderful than we ever saw ourselves at the time.” 

“Your looks won’t be what’s on display that day, it will be love,” said someone else. “The love between you and your future husband, and also the love of all the people in attendance to celebrate with you.”

“I vote you surround yourself with all the love you can— and it sounds like your sister loves you very much.”

The bride came back to the thread to let everyone know that she and her fiance ultimately made the decision to not have any bride or groom parties at all. She said that she was going to explain everything to her sister, and apologize for “letting insecurities get in the way of [their] relationship.” It sounds like the bride realized she can’t let her insecurities win, and that love, truly, is all she needs. 

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Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.