11 Smooth & Professional Ways To Let A Co-Worker Know You Don't Like Them Without Actually Saying It
Eduardo Rgz | Shutterstock Most people have at least one co-worker that they can't stand or find annoying at work. It's an experience not many can avoid in their careers, and one you simply have to deal with. Fortunately, there are ways to let a co-worker know you don't like them that are clear without being cruel.
There are many different kinds of annoying co-workers. Some are subtly narcissistic and competitive, others are "over-achievers" or clingy. Dealing with each of these annoying co-workers tends to look different, which is why having a list of 11 responses handy can help you resolve issues quickly.
11 smooth & professional ways to let a co-worker know you don't like them without actually saying it
1. 'I don't have time in my schedule to engage further on this'
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When you tell someone you don't have the time to keep talking about something, you aren't admitting any type of fault of your own, it's a simple objective truth that your schedule doesn't allow for more conversation on the topic. This is more professional and less vulnerable than saying, "I just can't" or "I don't have the bandwidth" which make you seem weak.
It also doesn't make the coworker feel like the bad guy, it just quietly shuts down the conversation. Even if you're not particularly busy, using this phrase is the perfect scapegoat to exit a conversion, oftentimes without offending or sparking conflict with the person you're speaking with.
2. 'I'm not here to talk today, I'm here to work'
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Even if it's uncomfortable or awkward at first, setting boundaries at work is key to protecting your well-being and work-life balance. If you're constantly overwhelmed by your workload, dealing with overstepping co-workers creates more stress and likely lower-quality work.
It takes practice, but by setting just one boundary by using a phrase like this, you can put yourself in a better position to meet your goals, stay productive, and protect yourself from bringing emotional turmoil and anxiety home with you at the end of the day. You're smoothly and professionally letting them know that it's not social hour, it's work.
At the end of the day, you're at your job to work and fund your personal life. If you want to find meaning and purpose beyond that or protect those boundaries, it starts with practicing setting boundaries.
3. 'I'm choosing peace over pettiness'
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This may be one of the more controversial phrases brilliant people use to professionally say they don't like someone, but it protects your energy nonetheless and delivers a strong message. Even if it's simply an internal thought, said to yourself, it can ensure you're focusing your energy on the things that matter.
Like psychologist Walter Mischel suggests, sometimes talking about your problems and giving your grievances space in your mind can do more harm than good. Nowhere is this more true than when dealing with a co-worker you just don't like.
Of course, venting and seeking support about workplace issues is important, but if you're constantly ruminating on how annoying a co-worker is or the toxicity of your boss, you could be sabotaging your own emotional well-being.
4. 'I prefer to keep our interactions professional'
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There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries around the kinds of relationships you're willing to cultivate and maintain at work. This is especially true with co-workers you don't like.
Young people like Gen Zers are even pushing the boundaries of prioritizing their work-life balance, making the choice to avoid workplace relationships to protect their well-being and personal time. Because of that, they don't need to make friends with people at work who annoy them. It's not a requirement to tolerate misbehavior from co-workers, let alone build entire relationships with them outside the workplace, so use phrases like this to set those boundaries.
5. 'We don't see eye-to-eye and I'm okay with that'
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It's okay to disagree with people at work. In fact, a great deal of productive conversations start with a disagreement. That doesn't mean you have to engaged endlessly with a coworker who bugs you in order to be a good employee.
This phrase is helpful to remind the person you're talking to that you appreciate their input, but that you don't waste energy trying to over-explain yourself or make a point when there's clearly no common ground. You have the power in any kind of conversation to set a boundary and protect your energy, but by using the phrases brilliant people use to professionally say "I can't stand you," you shield yourself from the backlash of unintentionally offended someone.
6. 'I need to get back to work'
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Sometimes, the phrases brilliant people use to professionally say "I don't like you" are more about protecting their individual time and energy than anything else. By redirecting your attention or a conversation back to work, you can avoid unprofessional conversations while establishing, over time, that you're just not the person to go to for chit-chat or complaining.
While research shows that workplace friendships play an important role in workplace happiness and job satisfaction, dealing with co-workers and peers you can't stand on a daily basis can have an adverse effect. So start showing them what you're willing to do by consistently redirecting your attention back to the reason you're both there: work.
7. 'I'm not the right person to help you with this'
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Sometimes, the root of our dislike for co-workers revolves around unproductive conversations. This is often in the form of office gossip or complaining about a boss, and that can waste time and make you look bad to others. It's likely just not the energy you're looking to carry into work, and humans often cannot help but absorb other people's negativity if we don't put up boundaries.
Next time someone wants to drag you down like this at work, try saying, "I'm not the right person for this." You can find them someone else, like someone in the appropriate department, or you can just stop engaging.
If someone is blatantly rude or disrespectful, that's another issue entirely, and it often takes a great deal of emotional regulation and calmness to approach them with grace.
8. 'I hear you, but I'd advise you to bring this up with someone else'
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Sometimes our demanding and disrespectful co-workers rope us into conversations that we simply do not belong in. From criticizing other people on the team to complaining about their workload, it's easy to fall into the trap of drama and disrespect when you're trying to find an escape route from an unproductive and uncomfortable conversation.
However, it's possible to use a phrase like this to divert the disliked co-worker's attention away from you. Instead of shrinking away and quietly going along with it to avoid rocking the boat, be direct. "I'm not the person for this, I suggest you go talk to someone in a different department" can work, as long as you are clear.
9. 'Sorry, but I have to decline'
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As the old saying goes, no is a full sentence, and you should feel empowered to use it whenever you see fit in the workplace. Yes, the co-worker you don't like may bristle or keep pushing, but that's their problem, not yours.
After all, it's okay to set boundaries! you can say no to a co-worker's invitation to drinks, decline their request for help and redirect them, or even excuse yourself from an unproductive conversation. Everyone's there to do a job. It may look different for each colleague, but protecting your energy to feed back into your workload should never be a controversial task.
10. 'We clearly don't work well together and that's okay'
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When you learn to deal with a difficult co-worker, no matter how uncomfortable it may be in the moment, you set yourself up to be happier and likely more productive work life. For some, that means setting boundaries with those co-workers whom they just don't work well with.
To best figure out how to move forward, you first have to get honest about yourself. Are you emotionally regulating yourself well? Do you have the self-awareness to admit when you're adding to the fire of discontent in these interactions? Are you the problem?
Once you work through these questions and adopt a more rational approach to solving your stress at work, you can better set boundaries and advocate for yourself with a co-worker you just can't stand. When you get there, saying, "we clearly don't work well together" is both clear and kind, which leadership researcher Brené Brown says is one of the most important things to prioritize in any workspace.
11. 'I'd like to approach this differently'
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According to experts from Vanderbilt University, setting boundaries at work can reduce stress, increase job satisfaction, help to fend off burnout symptoms, and even promote a happier, more carefree attitude amongst employees in the workplace.
While it's definitely uncomfortable at first to practice setting and enforcing boundaries, phrases like this can assist you in creating space with and managing unhelpful co-workers. Don't beat around the bush and hope someone guesses at what you want or need. Just say, "I'd like to do this differently."
This is especially true with co-workers you don't like. If you let them walk all over you or become passive-aggressive, you'll only end up suffering with painful resentment in the end.
Everyone manages stress, organizes their work, and approaches the workplace in different ways. If you're butting heads with a co-worker on a daily basis, chances are you just have different work ethics and tactics. And that's OK. Say it now, say it clearly, and make your work environment more productive and less stressful.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
