If You’re Secretly Miserable At Work, These 11 Behaviors Will Give You Away
A job that you hate can be emotionally draining.
BearFotos / Shutterstock While there’s a lot of negative discourse about professional environments these days, with many attempting to convince most workers that they have to suffer through their job no matter what, the truth is that a healthy workplace can offer a number of benefits. From boosting feelings of achievement and belonging to creating structure in a person’s life and even offering meaning and purpose, it’s possible to find a workplace that’s not consistently draining and miserable.
However, for some people, it’s not so easy. Whether it’s because of a bad boss, long hours, or stagnant wages, they feel pressured to keep trudging through the day. Until they find something better, they’re just trying to make it through, hiding their frustration with subtle behaviors and habits. So, if you’re secretly miserable at work, these behaviors will give you away. Be intentional about protecting your job security before the next opportunity arises.
If you’re secretly miserable at work, these 11 behaviors will give you away
1. You get anxiety on Sunday
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Otherwise coined the “Sunday Scaries,” the anxiety a person feels before work on a Sunday evening is often tied to how much they like their job. It’s a kind of anticipatory anxiety about something that hasn’t even happened yet. While it may be partially about wanting more sleep or time off, it’s typically a more active dread about having to go to their specific job and interact with their co-workers or bosses.
If you’re secretly miserable at work, these behaviors will give you away, even if it’s just your roommates or partner that notices you’re incredibly irritable and annoyed by 5 PM on a Sunday.
2. You put in minimal effort
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For some people, especially those with a history of being overworked and underpaid, doing the bare minimum at their jobs, otherwise known as “what they get paid for,” is a means of protecting their health and wellbeing. They’re not overstepping their own boundaries, putting their personal life on the line, or compromising their health for the sake of a job or employer that makes them miserable.
While the term itself may be new, this “quiet quitting” trend is far from modern. It’s a tactic that miserable employees have used to protect their energy, time, and wellbeing for decades. Whether that means limiting their workload, showing up later in the day, or turning their work phones off on the weekends, they’re not doing anything more than they’re being paid for.
3. You avoid co-workers
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If you’re secretly miserable at work, not being social with peers or building relationships with co-workers outside the bare minimum can give you away. However, as a study published in the Current Psychology journal argues, in order to build and maintain happy and healthy relationships with co-workers in the office, you first have to have the foundation of a happy and healthy working culture and environment, something that many people who’re secretly miserable in their jobs are lacking.
They don’t want to seek out the connection and joy of relationships with peers, because they don’t trust them, feel safe at work, or feel empowered and energized enough to maintain them.
4. You constantly complain
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Whether it’s complaints to your family and partner the second you get home or an endless loop of negative thoughts in your head, if you’re secretly miserable at work, you know the cycle of negativity it can bring into your life.
While complaining might bring you some instant comfort and relief, it rewires your brain toward negativity in the long run, making habits like being overly critical of others and negative toward yourself more blatantly obvious. If you’re constantly complaining, speaking negatively about your job, and picking apart the people you work with, chances are you’re miserable, and it’s time to take some action.
5. You avoid responsibilities
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Whether it’s an endless cycle of stress and procrastination or an avoidance of new projects, people who actively avoid their responsibilities and refuse to take on additional work are likely miserable in their jobs. They clearly aren’t empowered to do more than the bare minimum and their lack of meaning, purpose, and ambition at work is obvious in the kind of excitement they have with new projects.
While there’s certainly a ton of reasons why someone may be avoiding responsibility and procrastinating at work, from fearing rejection, to suffering from perfectionism, and even struggling with time management, an unsupportive and draining job can also make productivity that much harder.
6. You’re on job boards at work
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Many people who are miserable in their jobs use job boards and online job hunting to self-soothe amid the chaos of a day, no matter how “unethical” or “wrong” it may be in the eyes of their employers.
Whether it’s scrolling on LinkedIn or actively applying for jobs, they don’t mind eating up their current employers time to maximize their productivity in the job hunt, especially if they’re not actively supporting their wellbeing.
7. You’re always on your phone
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According to a study conducted by Screen Education, the average employee wastes around two hours per day on their cell phones, using it as a distraction for the work they have to do and the intense miserable emotions they may feel in a job they can’t stand.
For many people who feel trapped in their jobs, without the motivation or emotional regulation to cope or leave, their phones provide a sense of comfort amid the chaos of the day. If you’re secretly at work, you’re phone habits and distractions will give you away. You’ll do anything to avoid being present.
8. You feel numb
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Feeling emotionally numb or superficial at a job you hate is one of the signs that you’re miserable and tolerating an environment that’s sabotaging your wellbeing. Of course, authenticity in every sense of the word, from outward appearance, to language, and expression, isn’t always 100% possible to achieve in the workplace environment, especially in corporate jobs, but if you feel completely disconnected from your sense of self at work, that’s a red flag.
According to a study from the International Journal of Epidemiology, feeling a loss of identity at work isn’t just detrimental to emotional wellbeing and physical health, it isolates people from finding belonging, community, and beneficial social interaction with their peers. So, it’s often a side effect of being miserable at work, but also one of the leading causes.
9. You daydream about quitting
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Many people stuck in jobs they hate and miserable workplace environments spend most of their days fantasizing about quitting, alongside actually using their time to job hunt and scroll job boards. Especially in today’s culture, where it’s much harder to find a secure job and deal with pressure to professionally succeed, it’s not surprising that daydreaming is a perfect escape.
It’s a lot different to leave a job you hate, compared to one that you feel passionate about, however one thing remains the same: judgement. Many people stay in these miserable jobs because they’re afraid of what other people will say and how they’ll be judged by peers, co-workers, friends, and family. However, fantasizing about quitting and tolerating misbehavior isn’t the way to make other people feel proud.
10. You overindulge after work
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Whether it’s overeating with comfort foods, leaning into unhealthy vices, or watching endless hours of mindless entertainment for comfort, if you’re secretly miserable at work, these overindulgent tendencies when you get home will give you away.
It’s not only obvious to your workplace when you come to work the next day drained, fatigued, and upset, but it’s also clear to the people in your life that you’re trying to run away or cope with something.
11. You take extra long breaks
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Many people stuck in jobs they hate take longer breaks, show up late or leave early, and eat up company time when they’re on the clock. It’s not always an act of vengeance, but rather a means for protecting personal wellbeing and health in a job they can’t stand.
Especially for bathroom breaks on the clock, that employees technically can’t penalize you for taking, if you’re miserable at your job, you’re going to take them as much as possible. Whether it’s to escape doing extra work, avoiding co-workers, or simply passing the time, taking longer breaks and eating company time are some of the things that give miserable workers away.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
