Love

The Truth Is, I'm Finally Ready To Let You In

Photo: BublikHaus / shutterstock
man in hallway

By Derrick Ochieng

It has been a while since I have been honest with you.

The truth is, I am not OK. In fact, I almost betrayed you.

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When you left my place the other day, I felt completely miserable.

As I sat on my bed with the note I wrote you by my side, you flashed through my mind as I tried to restrain myself.

I couldn’t help but think of leaving you. I didn’t want you to feel like you had failed me or like you should have done more for me.

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As I continued thinking over our relationship, I decided that you would be better off without me.

I thought that you would be happier without my unpredictability and neediness.

But then I worried that you would see giving up as selfish and that you would hate me for leaving your side.

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Then, I re-read the note I wrote you, and a sharp pain struck my heart.

I couldn’t hold back my tears as I thought about you.

In the note, I said how much I love you and how deeply sorry I felt. But, as I read over the message one more time, I realized that leaving you wouldn’t prove just how sorry I was.

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For once, my thoughts of you weren’t happy.

They overwhelmed me with pain.

Instead of pride, I felt fear.

Instead of confidence, I felt like I had failed you.

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Even though you said that I could always share my troubles with you, I didn’t want to place that kind of stress on your heart.

You have so much on your plate, so I didn’t want to overwhelm you.

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I didn’t want you to think that I wasn’t strong enough or dependable enough.

I wanted you to know that I would always have your back, and I didn’t want to scare you off.

However, know that I will never betray you. I will never break your heart.

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I am sorry that I hid my struggles, pain, and fears from you.

I will not close myself off again, because now I know just how much you care.

I promise that I will never hide or lie again.

Because now, I am ready to let you in.

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Derrick Ochieng is a writer for Thred Media whose work focuses on relationships, dating, and lifestyle topics. For more of his content, visit his author profile on Unwritten.

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This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.