The Truth Is, I'm Finally Ready To Let You In

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man in hallway

By Derrick Ochieng

It has been a while since I have been honest with you.

The truth is, I am not OK. In fact, I almost betrayed you.

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When you left my place the other day, I felt completely miserable.

As I sat on my bed with the note I wrote you by my side, you flashed through my mind as I tried to restrain myself.

I couldn’t help but think of leaving you. I didn’t want you to feel like you had failed me or like you should have done more for me.

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As I continued thinking over our relationship, I decided that you would be better off without me.

I thought that you would be happier without my unpredictability and neediness.

But then I worried that you would see giving up as selfish and that you would hate me for leaving your side.

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Then, I re-read the note I wrote you, and a sharp pain struck my heart.

I couldn’t hold back my tears as I thought about you.

In the note, I said how much I love you and how deeply sorry I felt. But, as I read over the message one more time, I realized that leaving you wouldn’t prove just how sorry I was.

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For once, my thoughts of you weren’t happy.

They overwhelmed me with pain.

Instead of pride, I felt fear.

Instead of confidence, I felt like I had failed you.

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Even though you said that I could always share my troubles with you, I didn’t want to place that kind of stress on your heart.

You have so much on your plate, so I didn’t want to overwhelm you.

I didn’t want you to think that I wasn’t strong enough or dependable enough.

I wanted you to know that I would always have your back, and I didn’t want to scare you off.

However, know that I will never betray you. I will never break your heart.

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I am sorry that I hid my struggles, pain, and fears from you.

I will not close myself off again, because now I know just how much you care.

I promise that I will never hide or lie again.

Because now, I am ready to let you in.

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Derrick Ochieng is a writer for Thred Media whose work focuses on relationships, dating, and lifestyle topics. For more of his content, visit his author profile on Unwritten.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.