I Will Sleep With You, But I Won't Sleep Over

We have flipped the scenario on this level of intimacy.

woman on bed G-Stock Studio / Shutterstock

By Kristen Buccigrossi

When did the sex tides change?

When did we become the generation of people that think it is okay to sleep with just anyone we can find? When did we throw sex out the window as if it is something that you can casually do with no feelings attached?

When did the sanctity of the act wear off and sex just become a normal thing? When did it become more acceptable to sleep with someone and go home to our own bed, but not actually sleep next to that person?


When did we become the generation that came up with the thought process of, “I will sleep with you, but I won’t sleep over”?

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Sex used to be this significant action. It used to be something only done within a marriage or long-term relationship. Something you do with that one special someone you care about.

It used to be the defining moment in a relationship where it all changed; the one big thing that you gave them and you couldn’t take it back. It was such an intimate action that used to show your full trust and commitment to a person.


When did that change? Now it is thrown out there like beads at a Mardi Gras parade and you can find it as easy as you can find a Starbucks. It doesn’t help that there are now apps outs there solely for finding hookups.

There are relationships based solely on the action and yet, we are okay with the lack of importance that has now come with it. Get in, get out, get on with life (slight pun intended). What made us see things so differently?

With sex being thrown around out there so nonchalantly, it makes actually sleeping next to someone the more significant, romantic act.

Nowadays it is more average to get to the point of “sexy-time” but to physically sleepover at their place is as if you’re taking the relationship to the next level. It is as if the level of trust has to be more significant to sleep in the same bed with someone versus having sex with someone.

Every time we jump into bed we put more trust in them being honest about not having a sexually transmitted disease (more likely these days) versus the trust of sleeping next to someone who can potential murder us while we dream (unlikely, unless they just got out of prison or sleepwalk).


How is this fathomable?

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Trust doesn’t seem to be the only factor when it comes to sex in comparison to sleeping with someone. It is also this level of intimacy that we have flipped the scenario on.

Before, it was nerve-racking to let someone see you without your clothes on, but now it is more stressful to let them see you with your morning glow (no makeup and potential drool on the pillow).

The idea of spending late night hours together for some bedroom pleasure without a serious conversation is easier than the idea of the morning hours with bad breath, messy hair, “what do you want for breakfast” and “what time are you leaving because I have things to do” talk.


Why can’t we have both?

It is hard to believe that we have put more value on spending the night with someone rather than having sex with them, but the more that we allow this thought process to continue, the more that it is going to catch on with other generations.

It is taking away all of the sacredness of tangoing in the sheets and making it seem okay to just give it away to anyone.

We should get back to putting more value into the combination of both actions.

I would hope that there are people in this world who still believe in the specialness of sex and everything that comes with it. That includes the Saturday night fun and the Sunday morning cuddles with coffee.


When it comes down to it, what is the point of having one without the other? In the long run, you should be looking for that special someone that you want to do both with.

It’s time to make sex something special again.

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Kristen Buccigrossi is a writer whose work has been published on Huffington Post, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Unwritten, and more. Visit her website for more.