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You're not the only one who might be thinking "my husband thinks he does nothing wrong."
By Megan Hatch — Written on Sep 01, 2021
As a wife, you may find that one of the most aggravating things is a stubborn husband who always thinks he's right and can do nothing wrong.
Everybody messes up sometimes or doesn't do the right thing and it's normal to notice that after the fact. However, if it continues to become a pattern, then this is an issue.
Certain signs of a husband who thinks he can do no wrong include:
1. Your husband blames you for everything that goes wrong.
2. He has to win every argument.
3. He is always projecting his emotions onto you.
4. He experiences mood swings and gets upset he sees you become emotional after he's hurt you.
5. You always feel as if you do everything with nothing in return.
According to Marriage and Family Therapist Frances Patton, a husband who thinks he does nothing wrong not only neglects to apologize, "he flatly refuses to apologize. Obviously, he thinks he hasn’t done anything he needs to apologize for."
You might be thinking about why he does this and how can you possibly ever help him change his ways.
Thankfully, some people can change, so don't fret, try not to lose hope, and first understand why he's like this and then ask how you can help.
Reasons Why Your Husband Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong
There can be multiple reasons your husband feels this way. If you're wondering why your husband turns everything around on you, that's most likely because he was raised to think that way as he might have experienced a lot of childhood rejection leading him to develop low self-esteem.
It could also result from one of these five reasons.
1. He's a perfectionist.
A husband believing he does nothing wrong could be a result of his mentality to be perfect all the time. He believes he can do no wrong because he is perfect. He can't admit that he is wrong or that he failed at something because that means he didn't succeed and therefore isn't a perfect person.
This is a terrible mentality to have as we all know nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes and it's actually healthy to admit when you're wrong, even if your perfectionist self doesn't think you are.
According to Clinical Hypnotherapist and Relationship Expert Keya Murthy, he was raised as “Mr. Perfect!”
"Maybe he saw men around his mom do that to her and she never stood up for herself," Murthy says. "He might say he loves you but he doesn’t like your ways or you when they don’t suit him. He might not even love you but keeps you around for reasons known to him. He definitely doesn’t love you for you."
2. He has narcissistic tendencies.
Your husband might be a narcissist and this is why he thinks this way. A narcissist always turns the conversation around and make themselves the victim and the accuser the one to blame, which is one of the signs of a bad husband.
"When a husband does not meet you halfway, he is not a good husband," says Murthy.
A bad husband will also be abusive and have narcissistic tendencies and he might even be a diagnosed full-on narcissist.
If this is the case, your husband will misinterpret everything you say and be emotionally manipulative towards you and you should definitely reach out to a mental health professional or a couples therapist to fix your marriage.
3. He rejects your accusations.
Your husband might have developed this growing up. Whenever he gets called out for something wrong or accused of doing something wrong he immediately shuts it down and rejects it. This is because he has used rejection as a defense mechanism and he always has to be right.
According to Murthy, he can show you certain signs of this when you start talking. "He doesn’t look towards you, and if he does it’s a blank stare or a look that’s anything but paying attention to your words."
He also doesn't respond when you call him and if he does, "he’s in a hurry or frustrated. He shows no respect for your items, you, your time or your words, or any opinion."
"If you ever bring up your opinion or anything that is remotely connected to him, the response is a shrug, a blank stare, a 'SO?' or he walks away. If he is a talker then he will bring up things from the past where he feels you were amiss," says Murthy.
4. He has low self-esteem.
If your husband has low self-esteem this is most likely because of childhood issues especially unresolved issues like never feeling loved, praised, or accepted by parents and family. He also could have had a parent who was just like him and thought they were always right, which may be why your husband thinks that's how he should act.
When you try to explain your point of view, he doesn’t listen because he needs to be right.
"He interrupts you to argue for his point of view. He gives you all the logical-sounding reasons that his view is the right one and yours is wrong. No matter how you try to tell him why you believe the way you do, he just gives you more logical reasons why he’s right," says Patton. "When you tell him he has hurt your feelings, he says you shouldn’t feel that way. He doesn’t seem to care that you’re hurting."
5. He has unmet needs in his life.
Your husband may feel like he's missing something in life. It's possible he never met his goals of winning something or getting what he wished for in life that he doesn't have. However, not everyone can win at everything because life doesn't work like that, and he can't accept the fact that it's true.
How to Deal with a Husband Who Thinks He is Always Right.
First things first, you have to know that you are not the one to blame here and that it's not your fault. You shouldn't take this situation personally because this is how your husband is and even if you've been married for years, you might have realized only now that it's been a pattern.
That being said, you shouldn't have to tolerate emotional abuse and go through a mental health crisis because you feel like you're stuck in a marriage where your opinion doesn't matter. In order for you to deal with a husband who is never wrong, you have to follow these ideas and communicate well with your partner.
1. Communicate efficiently with your husband.
When talking to your husband and bringing up a topic, don't make it seem like you're starting an argument or accusing him of anything.
According to Success and Leadership Coach Christine Hourd, it's mentally draining to be married to someone who is always right, therefore, "if you want your opinion to also be heard, never respond with a ‘why’ question." This will make him feel challenged, and he’ll grow defensive, so you have to be curious and explore his reasoning with a calm tone of voice.
"Soon you’ll have conversations with understanding, instead of right or wrong.”
Murthy suggests that communication is the key. "Ask him what he wants and let him know he needs to tell you in a way that you and others understand. If he speaks in too many words then he likes to hear himself speak. Use short sentences in your communication. Also, written communication works."
Use "I" statements like "I feel like..." so that way you're not accusing him of doing anything, you're just saying how his actions make you feel.
2. Set boundaries with the help of mental health professionals.
Nothing will help you more than having another person on your side to help you create and set boundaries with your husband, as this is a big deal when learning how to communicate efficiently with your partner.
If you need to, Murthy suggests talking to his best friend or a person he is closest to and ask for help while you work on self-healing and self-care.
"If he has decided he is never wrong maybe you should take vacations and leave him alone. Professional help might help. Usually, when a spouse has decided he is not wrong, ask yourself how much is he worth your time. You can make money that you lost, but time lost is forever."
3. Have empathy for your partner.
It can be difficult to have empathy and believe in the good in your partner when all they've done is put you down and make you feel bad, but you have to try in order to keep your marriage afloat.
According to Relationship Coach Keith Dent, the best offense is a good defense because your husband is going to turn everything around on you because he never wants to look bad or own up that he has bad behavior.
"How you deal with a husband that's never wrong is tricky because he uses that as validation. The best way to attack that is in a moment that isn't confrontational and ask him why he feels he needs to always win, and then let him know how you feel when that happens," Dent explains. "When [he] realizes that your relationship is a win-lose situation, he will have to make changes in order for your dynamic to be better."
4. Visit a couples therapist.
This is one of the best ways to solve your problems with your husband because an outsider perspective is used and your husband can't be on attack mode because there is a stranger watching. A counselor can help bring out any underlying issues the two of you might have besides your husband's behavior that might help solve things.
Research has also shown that a couple's counselor can actually help bring out empathy in each other.
5. Find an outlet for your stress.
On the days that it gets really hard to manage your stress from your husband's attitude, find an outlet for yourself where you can get out your anger and frustrations like going to the gym, doing yoga, listening to meditation videos. Whatever you can do to relax or get your anger out.
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Megan Hatch is a writer at YourTango who covers pop culture, love and relationships, and self-care.