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Boyfriend? Yes. Husband? HELL NO.
By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Jan 22, 2018
In my years of dating, I’ve learned that men can be put into six categories:
- The “Avoid At All Costs” group, which consists of abusers, users, Nice Guys™ and guys who are clearly unhinged
- The “Friends Only” category, who are decent human beings that you just don’t have that spark with
- The “Friends With Benefits,” who are good as friends or good as sex buddies, but aren’t quite romantic material
- Short-term flings
- Boyfriends
- Husband material, who are the top-tier men
The fact is that there are a lot of men who could make great boyfriends, but terrible husbands. The problem women face is that they often don’t realize they’re dating one of these guys until they’re actually married to them.
Want to prevent a divorce in your cards? Look for the signs he won't be a good husband, and avoid getting hitched if you notice the following things in your relationship.
1. He’s a Mama’s Boy.
Don’t get me wrong — a lot of Mama’s Boys don’t even make good boyfriends. But the fact is that a man who’s unnervingly close to his mother is not looking for a wife. He’s looking for a new mom, and trust me when I say you’ll never be his #1 priority in life, even if you do marry him.
2. You notice him saying things about how a wife is “a man’s possession” or anything similar to that.
This is often an indicator that he still sees himself as courting you, and that once he puts a ring on it, he’ll turn abusive. Don’t marry a man who sees you as his property unless you’re OK with abuse, neglect, and misogyny.
3. He has started to make demands on your birth control usage that don’t jive with your plans.
When you told him you wanted to get your tubes tied, did he flip out? Did he basically tell you that “you’ll change your mind,” or demand that you stop birth control once you get hitched? Don’t marry this dude.
4. You legit hate his family and he keeps trying to make you talk to them.
I don’t want to be that person, but if you can’t get along with his family, you need to reconsider marrying him unless he’s willing to establish very strong boundaries with them.
5. You two have different goals.
Different goals in a marriage mean that you will end up with a tug-o-war going on. Don’t do this to yourself, and don’t do this to him. Keep him as a boyfriend, but don’t let him be your spouse.
6. He really is a financial mess.
Is he the kind of guy who will splurge on $300 sneakers, then look helpless when rent is due? Unless you’re cool with bad credit and being in debt, you’ll avoid marrying him, even if he is a sweetie.
7. You can’t really tell him bad news or cry on his shoulder.
Boyfriends can get away with just chilling out with the positive sides of you, but the same cannot be said about a husband. If he clams up and stonewalls every time bad stuff happens, marrying him means you’ll be on your own when sh*t hits the fan.
8. If you were brutally honest, you’d be humiliated if he showed up at a work mixer with you.
Look, I’m not saying that being superficial is cool, but I am saying that people will probably not take you seriously if your spouse is a complete wreck among professionals and elegant society. Eventually, he’ll pick up on the fact that you’re embarrassed by him and it will ruin your relationship.
Trust me, he may be a great boyfriend, but don’t marry a man you’re embarrassed by.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a Jack-of-all-trades writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey. When she's not writing, she's drinking red wine and chilling with some cool cats. You can follow her @bluntandwitty on Twitter.