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Match or no match?
By Megan Hatch — Written on Dec 04, 2020
Spotting a serial dater, or serial monogamist, is hard — especially when you’re the one who’s the culprit.
Online dating has largely made hookup culture the norm, making meeting a serial dater more likely — or maybe even turning you into one as well.
The longer you're active on dating apps, the less likely you are to text back and let men pursue you because hovering over your phone or waiting with anticipation for a guy you hardly know can be emotionally draining.
Or, you might not take dating as seriously knowing that the next relationship is only one swipe away.
If you tend to get too excited about a guy you just met and then after a couple of days it doesn’t work out, and you move onto the next right away, that could be an issue for you.
However, if you do find yourself dating serial daters or find that you are one yourself it might be because you want to find the right person and possibly settle down.
Signs of a serial dater
Serial daters love the high of a first date and are really smooth so it’s hard to tell if they are looking for a relationship because most say they do — but more often than not, they just want an adventure.
A serial dater is also very casual and cool, and they get physical right away.
If you tend to do that right away you might be a serial dater, especially if you’re going from guy to guy and get bored easily. That means the relationship won’t go far, even if you think it will at first.
Sometimes it’s best to stay single for a bit to know what you want and get out of that habit to know how to spot a serial dater and/or change your habits from being a serial dater.
1. They are afraid of rejection.
Most of the time if you are dating a serial dater, their number one goal is the chase.
Most of the time they are afraid of being rejected because they want to be the first to end things. The breakups are actually enjoyable for them because they can reject you before you can reject them because they are insecure, but blow it off like it was nothing.
2. They get bored easily.
A serial dater always wants an adventure, which often wanes with time in long-term relationships. They really do love the chase, like an addiction of some sort — but they can’t really commit.
3. Their behavior is very casual.
A serial dater is known to be casual because they don’t want to rush into things. They know they won’t have a full-fleshed out relationship with you and therefore won’t spend a lot of time getting to know you.
The one thing they want to do most is get physical with you.
4. There’s a ton of physical intimacy early on.
Serial daters are addicted to the early romance in dating and therefore the physical intimacy because they like sweeping you off your feet. They want you to feel like you’re the only one they’re seeing.
However, that might not be the case. They typically see other people on the back burner because they see so many options and people on dating apps, they know there will always be someone new.
5. They always initiate their breakups.
If you get to talking about past relationships on a date, and you find out they have left all their past relationships because it “just didn’t work out,” that's a red flag. This could mean that they have a long relationship history with a number of short relationships.
Can a serial dater settle down?
It’s normal after a breakup or a long period of being single to get back into the game and date around. However, if you are looking for a strong relationship, know how to spot the signs of a serial dater.
If you are a serial dater yourself and you see nothing wrong with that, it’s fine — however, if you truly want to settle down, then it’s time to change your habits.
Try to give a person more of a chance and not to rush into things fast because that just leads to a more casual relationship, which you don’t want. However, make sure to not wait too long as well. If you waste time maybe over a month to see if any progress has happened, then that’s too long.
Try and limit yourself and start slowly, know yourself and what you want, and then your dating life will become more stimulating because you’re dating fewer people, and getting to put a name to a face.
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Megan Hatch is a writer at YourTango who covers love and relationships, self, and pop culture news.