How Long Does The Honeymoon Phase Last? (And How To Keep Your Relationship Strong When It Ends)

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How Long Does The Honeymoon Phase Last? (And How To Keep Your Relationship Strong When It Ends)
Love

Anyone who has been in a relationship knows what the honeymoon phase is. You can’t help but stare into your lover’s eyes and think, “I’d live for hundreds of years just to gaze upon those glistening eyes.”

Sounds about right, huh?

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, the honeymoon phase ends.

RELATED: 10 Ways To Stay In The Honeymoon Phase Of Your Relationship

You go from drooling over them to wanting to rip their eyeballs out when they’re staring at you for too long. They can’t decide on a meal right away? How could they be so indecisive! Not putting the toilet seat back down? Are they barbarians?! 

How long does the honeymoon phase last?

According to a 2015 study, the honeymoon phase lasts about 30 months for most couples.

Of course, this varies by couple and many factors contribute to a decrease in happiness, whether gradual or abrupt.

"Men who were depressed or aggressive, or whose fiancées were more depressed or less satisfied with the relationship were more likely to report the most extreme drop in marital happiness," researcher Dr. Michael Lorber told Huffington Post. "Things worked out pretty similarly for the women as well ... The more depressed or aggressive women were, or the more depressed, aggressive, or dissatisfied their fiancés were, the more likely they were to have fairly high initial satisfaction that dropped sharply."

Unfortunately, no matter how infatuated you are with your partner, those butterflies in your stomach will wear off eventually.

“Relationships — intimate, friendship and work — do change, and in predictable ways," says relationship coach and marriage counselor Laurie Weiss. "The better you understand the pattern, the better equipped you will be to help your most valued relationships grow and develop into mature, sustaining supports for you. Relationships that do not continuously develop tend to either stagnate or die.”

Weiss explains that any relationship, whether a friendship or romantic, goes through the same motions.   

No one wants their relationship to fail, and it’s certainly saddening to hear the stories of romances who go sour after years of being together. 

Unfortunately, there are couples who believe that their time would be better spent elsewhere rather than working on the root of their problems. This kind of behavior can be a clear indication of how your partner was treated by those closest to them. 

“Developing relationships cycle through five different stages and the stages of adult relationships mirror the relationships you experienced as a child with the important adults who cared for you,” says Weiss. 

If person A wants to end their relationship with person B because they don’t think the relationship is worth saving, that could mean person A had someone in their life abandon them or give up on them at a young age. This leads to person A growing up to believe that when the going gets tough, it’s best to leave. 

The honeymoon phase begins in the first of five stages of a relationship.

1. Bonding

“Stage one feels blissful. It's so blissful that for some people it becomes addictive. It is the stage of parents gazing at their new infant with awe and adoration. It is also the stage of lovers gazing at each other the same way. It is the stage of "You're my BEST friend!" It is the honeymoon phase of a new job. It is the time of rose-colored glasses. We see only the best in each other. Often we don't really see each other at all. Instead, we see only a reflection of our own hopes and dreams,” she says. 

During this stage of your relationship, it feels like nothing can go wrong. But clinging to this feeling can be trouble once this stage of your relationship starts coming to an end.

“Expect to 'fall out of love' with your partner (or your new friend, or your new job)," says Weiss. "Being 'in love' is a temporary insanity that lasts long enough for nature to get babies (or new projects) started. A mature loving relationship is better, and takes time to develop."

2. Co-dependency. 

“Stage two, co-dependency, is the experience of being completed by another person. It is the persistent cultural myth of two people becoming one. What that really means is two whole people each believe that they must ignore important parts of themselves and act as if they are half people in order to merge into one whole person.

They usually divide up the chores of personhood. One may take the role of the thinker, the other previously competent person rarely thinks within the relationship but feels enough feelings for both of them,” she says.

In order to keep your relationship going through this phase, Weiss explains that you should “Keep your individuality while building your relationship. Two becoming one is an outmoded notion — it really means that each of you becomes half the person you were and is guaranteed to lead to resentment. (So does abandoning who you are in order to keep a job)."

RELATED: The 4 Stages Of A Relationship (And Why Most Couples Don't Make It Past Stage 2)

3. Power struggle

“Stage three, the power struggle, occurs when either person in the relationship gets tired of trying to be only a half person and starts to assert herself (or himself) and protest the arrangement. It can get especially ugly when the other person tries to maintain the status quo. The power struggle can be about almost anything — how to do a job, whether to keep time agreements, who is in charge of what, what is the right way to do things, or how did something really happen. It is really about asserting (re-asserting) individuality,” she says.

This is the stage where your relationship could start falling apart at the seams if you're not careful.

Weiss suggests that you “Change the behavior in yourself that you don't like in your partner. It is all too easy to ignore things you don't like about yourself, and instead, pay attention to how annoyed you are that your partner does those very same things. This is called projection."

4. Independence

“Stage four, independence, comes when you both realize that neither of you is going to change the other. In primary relationships and friendships, you give up trying to make someone else do things your way and start to create your own life. At work, you are given the responsibility and authority you need to do your own job and get on with doing it,” she says.

This doesn't necessarily mean you don't want or need each other. Rather, you remember that you are two separate people living a life together. 

“Do whatever makes you feel vibrant and alive, even if you need to do it alone," says Weiss. "When you feel vibrant and alive, you are attractive to your partner and to others."

5. Interdependence.

“Stage five, interdependence, is a mature, synergistic relationship. You are two independent people who, together, are more than the sum of your individual selves. You create magic together. Interdependent relationships are not limited to life partners. They can happen on work teams, in working partnerships, and in friendships. You each have outside interests that contribute to the larger community and enhance your relationship with each other,” she says.

Unfortunately, many couples don't reach the fifth stage of relationships. But if you can work together through the preceding stages, it's the most blissful.

“Spend time working on your relationship as well as living in the relationship. Good relationships don't just happen — they need to be cultivated, watered, and weeded, just like a garden,” she says.

There are ways to keep your relationship alive past the honeymoon phase.

You can start by leaving them cute post-it notes around the house. Writing things like, "I hope you have an amazing day" or even "I can't wait to come home to your beautiful/handsome face" will certainly make your partner feel those first-time butterflies. 

Another simple yet effective thing to do would be sending flowers or chocolate-covered fruits to their jobs. It's a cliché, yes, but who wouldn't be happy to see their partner making these small gestures to ensure their happiness and love?

One other thing you can do for your partner is set up a surprise date night. Bonus if you guys have kids and leave them home with a babysitter or family member. Surprise them with a wine-tasting event followed by candlelit dinner at a five-star restaurant. 

As I said, these ideas can sound a bit cliché or unoriginal, but you can expect that your partner will appreciate you for making the effort! 

Relationships require tedious care and time. You can’t expect to have an amazing relationship without the ups and downs of life outside of the bond. There will always be moments of turmoil and times where you want to just call it quits.

Stay strong, keep your lover feeling loved, and work through it!

RELATED: 3 Strong New Relationship Tips To Make It Last Past The Honeymoon Phase

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Destiny Duprey is a writer who covers love and relationships, self-care, and astrology topics. 

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