The Serious Relationship Issue Your Silly Toilet Seat Fight Represents

Photo: Kittisak Jirasittichai / 123RF
man lifting toilet seat

Men think they are 100% straight shooters. Even if we want to believe that the majority of men have perfect aim (which is NOT true), it's clear that most haven't made the quantum leap necessary to understand the difference between a latrine — which is, by definition, a toilet used only by men — and a bathroom that's in one's home, to be used by everyone who lives in the house, as well as by any visitor. 

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Whether men agree with the following statement or not, nothing can change the reality of it: Leaving the toilet seat up is a clear statement of control and power.

Somehow, men have designated themselves as "owner of the toilet seat," and have made its "normal" position open—and up.



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And the problem doesn't stop with men, as this behavior shows children (from the time they are toilet-trained) that when a woman wants to use his toilet seat, she must first put the seat down, every single time she needs to use it.

Here's a scenario that has played out in millions of homes: It's 2:00 AM... she's pregnant... and groggily awakens to go to the bathroom, and doesn't turn the light on.

Upon sitting, she's not groggy anymore! She just sat on a cold, wet (with his urine!) porcelain toilet base, and may have also wet her bottom with the water that's in the toilet. (Did he also forget to flush it?) 

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Although a relatively small issue, control struggles like these damage self-esteem, and it's women—in their constant effort to improve/change/save the relationship—who consistently take in the most emotional damage as they try to adjust and change themselves to become "acceptable."

To change these conditions, women need to take back control (at least some of it), and by doing so, they can clearly demonstrate to men how to provide what they want and need.

No mixed signals, no misinterpretations, and no wondering: just clear, respectful demands for what they need as women.

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Men need to be held 100% accountable for their actions (or inactions) by the women in their lives; women need to hold the line, and not allow men to behave like bratty children in their attempts to get away with controlling everything. serves up honest, real, and often humorous perspectives, helping moms stay connected to each other and the world around them.