How To Speak The Language Of Love

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How To Speak The Language Of Love
Love

How do you speak the language of love? In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote "The Five Love Languages" to help others understand the way humans give and receive love and to improve communication within relationships.

The languages of love can be communicated in romantic, platonic, or familial relationships.

However, love is communicated the most in romantic relationships, and the way you speak the language of love may be different than the way your partner receives it.

What are the five love languages?

The five love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, and acts of service. In order to find which love language you use the most, you can take a quiz.

RELATED: Your Personal Love Language, By Zodiac Sign

Once you finish the quiz, you will see how you speak the language of love. The free quiz gives you an idea of how your love language ranks.

Plus, you can see each love language that describes the ways you express and accept love the best, and that of your partners.

Ever since the release of Chapman’s book, couples have been using this knowledge to strengthen their relationship and learn how to speak the language of love better.

Have you ever noticed that your partner doesn’t always recognize your love language?

What about you? Do you recognize how your partner gives you love?

Maybe you need to learn how to speak your partner's language of love in their native tongue while following the five love languages.

According to The Five Love Languages, there may be a difference between their love language and yours.

Because there are five different methods to giving and receiving love, the miscommunication between partners is normal.

Some people love through actions and others in words, and there are people who love when they give a gift or spend time with you.

By knowing how your partner feels loved, you can center decisions and speak their language of love, around what will make them confident in your affection.

When you don't, you might actually be making 'withdrawals against their love bank', according to Chapman and the Five Love Languages book.

The reversal allows you to grasp how they will show their true feelings.

The more you know about each other, the more secure the relationship will be, and the better you become at speaking the language of love that works best with your mate.

There won’t be any assumptions or misunderstandings since you’re conscious of your partner’s love language and them yours.

RELATED: How To Speak The Quality Time Love Language, According To Men​

It’s obvious that these languages are best played out in person.

Quality time might be going out for dinner and physical touch could be holding hands.

So what do you do if you’re in your current relationship?

You can use these five love languages while social distancing or when you're living in the same house.

It may take some creativity and stronger communication, but it’s totally possible to use this knowledge at any phase of your relationship.

Here are some concrete examples of how to use the five love languages in your current relationship, plus suggestions for speaking each language of love.

1. Language of love — quality time

Quality time is one of the five love languages that is hard to do if you're a busy couple or social distancing.

Sometimes in long distance relationships, genuine quality time is hard to come by. You’re both busy with the world in front of you and even texting is often interrupted.

That’s why it’s important to set aside time to give your partner your full attention.

This is my number one love language so it’s essential for me to feel like my partner is solely focused on me at some point in the day.

We like to have a FaceTime date every night at 9 p.m. During this time, we catch up on the events of our days and watch a show together on Netflix.

Usually we’re on the phone for two hours and I always feel assured of our love for each other. Since this is how I best give and receive love, this quality time is one of the most significant parts of my day.

A few other ways to incorporate quality time into your long distance relationship are phone calls when you have something important to discuss, asking questions about your partner’s day to be engaged, and planning special dates over Skype.

This love language is all about maintaining focus and showing your partner that despite the distance, you still have time for them.

2. Language of love — words of affirmation

Words of affirmation is one of the five love languages that you can easily do by text, in person, or in hand written notes.

If this is you or your partner’s number one love language, you’re in luck.

This is one of the easiest languages to speak from a distance because that’s literally all it is — words.

This language strives for words of encouragement, affection, and appreciation.

A simple “I love you” or “you’re doing a great job” will go a long way in showing your partner how much they mean to you.

If you’re in a long distance relationship, consider sending random text messages that remind your partner you are thinking of them.

Be genuine in what you say and offer insight into why you love them.

Surprise your partner with a letter in the mail or express your feelings at the end of every phone call.

Another aspect of this love language is validating conversations you have with each other.

When you’re trying to find a solution to an argument you’re having, validate what your partner is saying.

Explain, “I’m hearing you and I understand your concerns, here is my perspective.”

Always work through conflict calmly and affirm what they are feeling.

RELATED: How To Speak A Man's Physical Touch Love Language, According To 21 Men​

3. Language of love — physical touch

This love language is going to be one of the most difficult to express during a long distance relationship but not all hope is lost.

It’s important to discuss the physical affection you might be giving if you were together.

Tell your partner that you would love to hug and kiss them right now.

This could be over text or during a phone call. Look towards the future and describe some of the first things you’ll do when you see each other next.

Maybe you’ll hug them immediately and snuggle up on the couch for a movie. Be vocal about the things you’d like to do with them physically.

Some other methods for physical touch at a distance is to give your partner a stuffed animal symbolic of you, encourage those around him to give hugs, and prioritize visiting each other.

The best way to express physical affection is to actually give it. Although that may be a challenge during this time, it should still be a priority. Take off a weekend of work in order to see your partner and give him the touch he needs.

4. Language of love — gifts

Gifts are one of the five love languages that can be done long distance, in person, on special occasions or every day.

Despite seeming to be materialistic, this love language is really about needing visible symbols of love.

It doesn’t have so much to do with the gift itself but rather knowing the thought and time that went into giving the gift.

Use this distance as an opportunity to send gifts that you think your partner would like. If you’re browsing Amazon and come across something small, have it delivered to his house.

Seeing something on his doorstep will remind him that you’re thinking of him and want to show your love even if you’re miles apart.

It can also be beneficial to pay for your partner’s gas/plane ticket if they’re coming to visit you.

Another special gift for long distance relationships specifically, is open when letters. These letters will be a simple surprise that can make you feel emotionally close.

There’s no need to go crazy with spending in order to make your partner feel loved.

As long as they can see you’re putting in effort and thinking about their needs, they will be sure of your love.

5. Language of love — acts of service

Acts of service are one of the five love languages that may be trickier than the rest, especially if your partner likes to do everything themselves.

Surprisingly, there are many ways to help your partner from a distance.

Perhaps they are busy with homework and can’t figure out how to solve something.

Feel free to use your own knowledge to help them.

If there’s something your partner had been wondering about, research it for them. This will also open up conversations to have.

However you can best help your partner, then do it. Ask them if there’s anything they need right now.

Start off with “I’ll help in whatever way I can.” Remind your partner that you are a team and with them every step of the way.

When the time comes for you to see each other, show your love by cooking dinner, cleaning up the house, or doing the dishes.

Take the workload off your partner and do something kind that will assure them of your feelings.

RELATED: How To Speak A Man's 'Words Of Affirmation' Love Language​

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Isabella Pacinelli is a writer who covers relationship, self-love, spirituality, and entertainment topics.