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There are certain ways to tell for sure.
By Alex Alexander — Written on Oct 13, 2021
If you've ever wondered if a woman has had an orgasm or is just plain-old faking it, this article is for you.
The female orgasm is one of life's biggest sexual mysteries, and while many women know how to have an orgasm and bring themselves to climax, do men recognize those signs she's finished?
We questioned experts on what they considered to be true "signs" that a woman has had an orgasm, as well as how to know if you had an orgasm, and we got quite a number of answers.
Deep down, if you know a woman well, you'd feel comfortable enough to ask her if she really had an orgasm, but even more so, you should be able to tell for yourself without question.
Of course, sometimes a woman may fake it to please her partner with all good intentions, and others do so to "get it over with." And when it comes to her pleasure, there are certain indicators that women can use to tell they have had an orgasm.
So, here's what experts have to say about how to know if she finished, and how women can tell if they have had an orgasm.
1. Understand that an orgasm is more than just a genital squeeze, and there are all different kinds a woman can have.
According to Kat Trimarco, a relationship and sex therapist:
"We normally think of sex as penis-in-vagina intercourse, and orgasm as a 'genital sneeze.' Sex goes far beyond just intercourse and can encompass pleasure in multiple ways that doesn’t necessarily even directly involve the genitals. Orgasmic energy can be pulsating through a woman’s body without actually reaching a sort of climax."
Essentially, each of us has a very unique sexual wiring, and for many this wiring includes appealing and pleasing multiple senses and even psychological needs and desires.
Here are just some of the types of orgasms women can have: clitoral, cervical, G-spot, full body, energetic, anal, nipple, mind, sensory, and heart.
Women can tell they've had an orgasm when they feel that energy overwhelming their body, even if it doesn't involve a "genital squeeze" or contraction.
2. Look for physical reactions.
Xanet Pailet, intimacy coach and author of "Living an Orgasmic Life," gave us some physical factors to watch for that indicate if a woman has reached climax:
1. The orgasmic or sex flush
Sexual stimulation and arousal causes increased blood flow to all of the capillaries in the body, including those in the breasts and genital area. Many women experience a reddening of the skin on the face, belly, breasts and genitals during arousal.
While this sex flush can occur without orgasm, it often is very apparent after an orgasm. Ladies, if you notice your skin getting flushed and feeling warmer, you can at least rest assured that you're very sexually aroused — and your partner can tell, too!
2. Body contractions and tremors
An orgasm is defined as a release of sexual energy that often results in a contraction and release of muscles in the pelvic bowl, including the vagina.
If you are having sex or are using finger stimulation on a woman, you will actually feel the vagina contract and release during an orgasm. You might also feel the vagina open up even more during the orgasm, as the body relaxes and releases the pent up sexual energy.
Some women (and men) will also have tremors and contractions throughout their whole body when they have an orgasm. Although not impossible, these physical reactions are much harder to fake.
3. Breath
This usually changes during high arousal and orgasm.
Women tend to breathe much more quickly and deeply as they get closer to orgasm, and often there is a deep guttural sound or scream that emerges. While this can certainly be faked, if it occurs with some of the other physical signs, you can be certain she's had an orgasm.
3. Use science to your advantage.
Nicole Prause, Ph.D. of Liberos, shared some data about qualifying (and quantifying) orgasms.
"For a physiologist, there is only one way to tell a woman has orgasmed, and the physiology looks the same as for men," Prause says.
"An orgasm is 8-12 stereotyped contractions that occur in pelvic musculature starting .8 seconds apart and increases in latency (between each other) until their termination. These can be detected most easily in the vaginal opening or anus. In the lab, we measure from the anus so that we can directly compare men and women."
While you definitely shouldn't start counting a woman's contractions in the bedroom if you ever want her to continue to have orgasms with you (unless you two really enjoy experimenting), it can be a good indicator that she's reached climax.
4. She tells you she's climaxed.
Dr. Shaun Wehle, of Shaun Wehle and Associates Psychological Services, swears by only one way: "When she says, 'I'm orgasming,' you have a pretty good idea that she has, in fact, climaxed."
For most women, they know they've had an orgasm based on the sensations they experience and their physical reaction to pleasure. If a man hasn't figured out that a woman has had an orgasm, it's extremely helpful for him to hear it from her directly.
5. Just ask her if she's had an orgasm.
Kelly J. Connell M.S. Ed., a sexuality expert advises:
"The only way to know is to ask her. You can look for all the physical signs of arousal as they go through the sexual response cycle, but everything else is pretty easy to fake. Not all women ejaculate, and if they do, it is sometimes only a few drops and their partner cannot see it. Toes often curl at the moment of orgasm, but again, easy to fake."
The truth of the matter is, as Connell continues, "If you are comfortable enough to get naked with someone — put parts of your body against or into their body — you should be comfortable enough to talk to them about sex, pleasure, whether they had an orgasm, and what they need to have one."
While, yes, sometimes it's easy for women to fake an orgasm, especially if she's not ejaculating, be open and honest about whether or not she's reached peak pleasure. And ladies, if he's asking if you've reached orgasm, realize that it takes a secure person to ask something like that.
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Alex Alexander is a blogger for YourTango who has written extensively on relationships, sex, and lifestyle topics.