25 Best Quotes & Funny Memes From Stand-Up Comedian, Jerry Seinfeld

He turned a show about nothing into something.

best Jerry Seinfeld quotes and funny memes

Who is Jerry Seinfeld? Jerry Seinfeld is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer and producer best known for his work on the 90s hit sitcom Seinfeld. Through his comedy work over the years, he has given us plenty of funny quotes and memes as well.

Jerry started his career off modestly at open mic nights in the late 70s, eventually appearing on The Tonight Show in 1981. He got his own television special in 1987. Following that, Jerry paired up with fellow comedian Larry David to develop a show for NBC and alas, Seinfeld was born in 1989.


Since his huge success with Seinfeld, Jerry has written the New York Times Best-Seller SeinLanguage in 1993 and continued to do more stand-up comedy shows later that decade. He also co-wrote, and starred in Bee Movie as the voice of Barry B. Benson in 2007.

Seinfeld married his wife, Jessica Seinfeld, in 1999, who he shared three children with — Sascha, Julian, and Shepherd.

Recently, Jerry Seinfeld has mostly focused on his show Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, which began in 2012 and was picked up by Netflix last year.


In 2018, the actor became caught up in a bit of a scandal over the show. He was sued for allegedly stealing the idea for Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. According to TMZ, Seinfeld was sued by producer Christian Charles, who claims that Jerry stole the idea from him — or at least he claims they came up with the project together.

Seinfeld’s lawyer released a statement saying that, “Jerry independently created Comedians In Cars and Mr. Charles only concocted this claim after the show became a commercial success. We are confident that this shakedown lawsuit will go nowhere," the outlet reported at the time.

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This year, Jerry will continue to do his stand-up comedy live at specific venues. The next season of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee will be released later this year, along with two new stand up shows. All of these will be available on Netflix.


Plus, according to a recent interview Jerry Seinfeld did on Ellen, he’s not opposed to the idea of a Seinfeld reboot. There’s hope, fellow Seinfeld fans!

Seinfeld the series has influenced society by making us think and making us laugh, even if it is “about nothing”. For Jerry Seinfeld himself, his dedication to his craft over his lifetime, ability to laugh wholeheartedly at the drop of a hat and dedication to being himself, is an inspiration to us all.

So, in honor of one of my favorite comedians of all time, enjoy 25 of Jerry Seinfeld's best quotes and funny memes.


1. Sometimes his jokes are just practical.

“Sometimes the road less traveled, is less traveled for a reason.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

2. Sometimes his jokes feel painfully accurate.


“A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

3. Sometimes his jokes just give good advice.

“Looking at is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it, then you look away.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

4. Touché, Jerry, touché.


“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

5. He understands the healing effects of coffee.

“We want to do a lot of stuff; we’re not in great shape. We didn’t get a good night’s sleep. We’re a little depressed. Coffee solves all of these problems in one delightful little cup.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

6. That time he made a joke about stealing.


“Who buys an umbrella anyway? You can get them for free at the coffee shop in those metal cans.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

7. He’s unexpectedly profound.

“To me, if life boils to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

8. When his joke perfectly summed up how a first date feels.


“Dating is tension and pressure. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night?” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

9. He’s real about not being interested.

“Is this about me?"


"Then I’ve lost interest.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

10. He’s brutally honest about reality.


“Make no mistake about why these babies are here  they are here to replace us.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

11.  You have to admire his lack of conventionalism.

“I made a bucket list turned the ‘b’ into an ‘f’ and was done with it.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

12.  His analogies are on point.


“Having a two-year-old is like having a blender you don’t have the top for.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

13. You've got to love his commitment to comedy.

“I’m a fancy boy.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

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14. That time he summed up procrastination.

“I am so busy doing nothing … that the idea of doing anything  which as you know, always leads to something — cuts into the nothing and then forces me to drop everything.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

15. He can even make poop jokes funny.


“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

16.  His observational humor is always hysterical.

“We don’t understand death. And the proof of this is that we give dead people a pillow.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

17. Even his borderline cynicism is funny.


“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

18. He doesn't understand women.

“What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by it’s root and still be scared of spiders.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

19. For a comedian, he gives fantastic advice.


“Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

20. A good underwear analogy never hurt anyone.

“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

21.  When he summed up why we need friends.


"Well, I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

22.  When he makes fun of how dumb the English language can be.

“If I’m the best man, then why is she marrying him?” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

23. He perfectly described the issue with for heterosexual couples. 


“Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, , is that men are like firemen. To men, is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.” —​ Jerry Seinfeld

24. His comedy is always dropping some serious truth bombs.

“Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

25. His humor often makes excellent points.


“I'll tell you one of the greatest activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you gotta get something wrong 'til you get it right?  ... And you hurt yourself, and you learn to do that trick, and now you get a life lesson. Every time I see those skateboard kids, I think ‘those kids’ll be alright.’” — ​Jerry Seinfeld

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If you're searching for the best quotes and memes to share with the people you love (or just want to feel inspired yourself) ... look no further! From the sweetest love quotes, inspirational sayings, and hilarious friendship truths, we've got you covered.

Nicole Bradley-Bernard is a writer who needs coffee more than she needs anyone’s approval. She enjoys putting bright colors in her curly brown hair, spending time outside on cool days and being with her partner in life, Eric, who she considers a continuing source of inspiration.