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He's not ready to be in a relationship.
By The Mind's Journal — Written on Jan 11, 2018
Many of us have been in relationships with crappy boyfriends in the past who were overconfident and too vain to really care about anyone else. This makes any kind of change welcome.
And so, when you finally meet a nice guy who always brings you flowers, takes you out on nice dates, doesn’t take his eyes off you the whole time and who keeps reminding you that he doesn’t really deserve you, you’re swept off your feet.
You think you might have a future together but soon enough, this kind of care and love turns into something like a crazed infatuation where his possessive actions become overwhelming. His company starts feeling exhausting and in fact scary.
There are a lot of men with insecurities out there so watch out for these 15 things that can tell you if your boyfriend is insecure:
1. He doesn’t have any hobbies or buddies outside the relationship.
He doesn’t talk about his coworkers ‘the guys’ and you’re the only person he chills with. Besides his job, he doesn’t pursue any other activity, except being with you or just dreaming about you when he is alone.
2. He believes you are not over your previous relationship.
For no reason at all, he firmly believes that you still love your previous partner, no matter how long it’s been since your break up and no matter how you actually feel about them. He’s too insecure to believe you can fully care for him so he concludes that you still care for your past lover.
3. Falling in love is way too easy for him.
As soon as you’ve gone on a couple of dates, he is ready to tell you that he is head over heels in love with you. Initially, you might think that this is adorable but soon enough you’ll realize that the intensity he claims is bizarre because you barely know each other.
4.The intensity of his feelings is a little scary.
He is convinced that nothing means more him than you. You are the reason for his continued existence. You might feel warm and fuzzy about this in the beginning but the sheer burden of his feelings will get to you at some point as he will completely depend on you to keep him stable.
5. You need to keep reaffirming your feelings.
He has very little confidence in himself so he’ll keep asking you if you love him and will be desperate for any sort of appreciation. But even when you tell him that you love him or try to compliment him, he won’t accept that you mean what you say.
6. He’s extremely possessive of you.
You hanging out with friends or colleagues, especially men, can set him off. He’ll keep messaging or calling to see what you’re up to when he is not there. You might be pleased with the attention at first but it will soon become annoying as you can’t spend time with people who make you happy.
7. He blackmails you.
He’ll constantly try to make you prove your loyalty to him by pretending to end the relationship. He’ll go on about how he doesn’t feel like you truly care for him or want him. He’s hoping that you will be manipulated into pleading with him to not leave. It will get so bad that one day you will actually just tell him to get out.
8. He constantly complains about his previous relationships.
All his stories about his old relationships will be about how none of his partners actually cared about him. He’ll say that they simply used him and then dumped him when someone better came along. Take all these stories with a grain of salt otherwise, you might stay with him just because you pity him.
9. He keeps checking your updates online
The moment you put up something on any of your social media accounts, he knows. And god forbid you to put up something without telling him about it first. This becomes quite ominous after a while.
10. He tries to find out who you talk to and what you’re talking about.
If you’re texting, he’ll try to stand behind you and read what you’re typing. He might try to casually find out who it is or he’ll just bluntly order you to let him check your phone. You could just be watching funny cat videos but he’ll always be suspicious that you’re keeping some secrets.
11. His lavish affection is overwhelming.
It does feel good to receive extravagant presents and have your every whim fulfilled but it will soon become overbearing. You will be forced to wonder whether he truly loves you or if he’s just trying to bribe you into staying with him.
12. He’s always suspect you of cheating.
He’s made the craziest accusations about you carrying on affairs with everyone from a random salesperson to a colleague because he fully believes that you could do much better than him.
13. He wants you with him all the time
You initially feel flattered that as soon you leave, he’ll send a message telling you how much he wishes you were back with him. We all like to feel needed but this can get annoying fast. He’ll want you with him all the time even if you have important work to do. He’ll even make you feel bad just for taking time out to do your job or hang out with friends and family.
14. His happiness is fully dependent on you.
While it is important to be in tune with your partner’s needs, he will just be too needy. As long as you’re relaxed and in a good enough mood to constantly validate him, he will be happy. But if you are busy and stressed, he’ll just fall apart. You’ll always feel like you need to be happy just for him.
15. He cannot handle being told that he is wrong.
Even if you mean well when you criticize him, he will take it too seriously. He is already insecure and your criticism will only make him feel that he was right about himself. If you try to address any issues you might have, he’ll just end up blaming it all on you.
This article was originally published at The Mind's Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.