10 Important Steps To Take When The Man You Love Is (Probably) Cheating

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What To Do If A Man Cheating But You're Still In Love With Him

You need a plan.

By Dr. Ava Cadell

If you suspect that the man or woman you're in love with may be cheating, even though it's quite possible that your gut instinct may be correct, it is best not to confront them with your suspicions until you have enough proof to get a confession.

One practical tip is to try imagining how your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife will respond to your questions and accusations before you blurt out something or take an impulsive action you may later regret.

Is your partner the kind of person who is likely to deny anything and everything no matter what evidence you present them with? Are they the type to claim that whatever you "think" you saw was just a harmless flirtation? Are they someone who will do their best to turn the tables by blaming YOU for overreacting

RELATED: 8 Subtle Ways Men Change When They're Cheating — And Afraid Of Being Caught 

No matter how you believe your partner may react, and no matter how they actually do when the time comes to have that difficult conversation, taking your time to feel as mentally and emotionally prepared as possible will help you find the strength to handle whatever comes next.

Follow this list of 10 steps to take when you have reason to believe the person you're in love with is cheating on you.

1. Don’t make any impulsive decisions.

Try not to do anything sudden or rash, like immediately ending your relationship, before you have time to reflect on whether your relationship is worth fighting for.

2. Be prepared to experience an emotional roller coaster.

You will go through a wide array of feelings such as shock, betrayal, hurt, disappointment, humiliation, rejection, bewilderment, foolishness, depression, jealousy and rage, all of which are natural reactions. So, take a deep breath and close your eyes so that you can think before you react.

3. Don’t blame or punish yourself.

Drinking, binge eating or starving, medicating or hurting yourself won’t change the circumstances and will only make matters worse by pushing your partner away and back into the arms of his/her lover.

4. Remember that as heartbreaking as it may be, wounds can be healed.

Relationships can and do survive. Sometimes cheating can be a wake-up call to take a relationship to a higher level of understanding and intimacy. Not every relationship can survive, but if both partners have the desire and commitment to move forward, then the odds of success are much higher.

5. Don’t rush to tell your family and friends.

Wait until you have all of the facts and until you sorted out what you want to do and how you plan to move forward. They may hold lasting grudges that cannot be repaired. 

RELATED: What It Means If You Get ‘Butterflies In Your Stomach’ Around Someone (Even When You’re In A Relationship With Someone Else 

6. Create a “Relationship Profit and Loss Statement.”

On the "profit" side, list all of your partner’s positive qualities and the advantages of staying together. On the "loss" side, list all of your partner’s negative qualities and the reasons why splitting up would be better.  This is a simple way to determine if the good outweighs the bad in your relationship.

7. Don’t ambush or physically attack your partner.

You will be perceived as a dangerous psycho (and be on the wrong side of the law), not to mention push your partner back into the arms of his/her lover. 

8. Write down all of the questions you want to ask.

Make sure you focus on your relationship rather than the third party. This is crucial, at least in the beginning. For example, “What was missing in our relationship that made you want to cheat?” Then ask questions that focus on feelings such as, “How did the other person make you feel about yourself when you were with him/her?” This is the most powerful question of all and will ultimately reveal the reason your partner cheated on you.

9. Don’t become obsessed with the other man or woman. 

Harassing the person who got involved with your partner may actually drive the two of them closer together rather than keep them apart. 

10. Consider writing a letter of forgiveness.

Writing a letter is the process of taking out your emotional trash and allows you to release your pent-up pain. Write down your feelings, request an apology and end with your forgiveness and love. For example: “I felt unloved and unwanted when I found out that you cheated on me. I need to know the reasons that lead you to be with someone else so that I can forgive and love you with all my heart.” 

RELATED: 10 Ways To Keep Him Completely, Utterly In Love With Only You 

Dr. Ava Cadell is America’s #1 Sexpert as a Clinical Sexologist, Sex Counselor, Founder of Loveology University and President of the American College of Sexologists International. Author of 9 books including the upcoming Sexycises by Sexperts: Intimacy Through Yoga, Dr. Ava is also a sought-after media therapist and global speaker whose mission is to empower people to overcome sexual guilt and shame so they can enjoy the benefits of healthy, sexual relationships.

This article was originally published at Sexpert.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.