Why Guys Suddenly 'Fadeaway' Right When You Think They're Falling In Love

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What Is A 'Fadeaway'? Plus 11 Reasons Guys Do It, According To Reddit AskMen


Attraction is a fickle mistress. You meet someone on dating app, think they're absolutely gorgeous, feel 100 percent positive you're going to fall in love with them... and then for some reason you can't put your finger on, once you meet, they just don't do it for you anymore. You figure it must be you and decide to give another try... and maybe another.

But no matter how attracted to someone we are first, it doesn't mean we won't change our mind and decide it will never work. When this happens nowadays, we're most likely to do one of two things: ghost them or subject them to what might be the most torturous experience in the world: the Fadeway.

I once went on a date with a man I met online, and I was so sure that if nothing else he'd make for a hot and steamy one night stand. He walked into the room and my vagina was immediately aflutter. He was barrel chested, with curly light brown hair, a lantern-jaw, and sparkling green eyes that didn't exactly hurt matters either. 

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But then he sat down and we started talking, and it all changed.

From the moment he opened his mouth, he didn't stop. He talked about himself incessantly. This could have been due to nerves, but as the evening wore on I got the sense that this was just the person he was. For chrissakes, he talked to me for forty minutes about his haircare regime. No, seriously. His totally ego-centric way of being transformed him in my eyes from an Adonis into a person whose mere presence transformed the once verdant fields of my vagina into the Saharan desert. I figured it may have just been an off night for the guy, so we went out again. And then one more shot. But nope. Just, well, no.

And so I began enacting the Fadeaway...

According to the Mecca of all things slang-related, Urban Dictionary, the Fadeaway is defined as, "Quietly disappearing from someone you've met on an online dating site." Similar to ghosting, this more subtle form of slipping slowly away through the cracks in someone's like was also memorialized by comedy duo Garfunkel & Oates, whose actual names are Kate MiCucci and Riki Landhome.

Most of us have experienced this from the receiving end as well if we think back over the course of our dating careers. and when it comes to learning from your dating app related mistakes, it never hurts to learn from the opposite sex what you might be doing to unknowingly turn off people who were totally digging you... at first.

With that in mind, we sifted through answers from men on Reddit about what had made them lose interest in a woman they were highly attracted to, and what they had to say was illuminating.

Here are just 11 of the reasons men have pulled 'the Fadeaway' on women they thought they would fall in love with.

1. Finding out she's a total slob. 

"She opens up the door, turns on the light, and what I see next will haunt me for the rest of my life. She was one of the worst hoarders I've ever seen. Wall to wall stacks of flattened cardboard boxes and other useless shit, with just a narrow pathway zigzagging through the living room. The walls looked like someone smeared a lasagna all over it several times and just let it dry. The carpet squished as I stepped inside. God only knows what that mystery liquid was. And the smell? Oh god, the smell. My sense of smell is usually pretty weak. I pretty much have to rub things in my nostrils to smell something, but I could smell her house. I could REALLY smell it, and suddenly I was really glad I normally can't smell things. I'm fairly certain some poor animal had died somewhere in the house."

2. Finding out she thinks it's cute to be crazy.

"Cute girl at college orientation — 100% my type. Think "Eh, whats the worst that could happen?" so I start talking to her. Going good, interesting to talk to her right? I share my name and ask for hers. The response I get? 'I've been called many names — violent, sociopath, psychopath, crazy, bitch. But my real name is Lily.' Found out she was studying Psychology too because she wanted to study how sociopaths, psychopaths and serial killers work because she 'considered herself a sociopath.' I excused myself from talking to her very quickly and avoided her."

3. Finding out that she's gets wicked jealous. 

"Constantly accusing me of cheating, going through my stuff, and sleeping with someone as punishment because they just knew I'd already cheated. I've never cheated in a relationship, btw, just went to school/work so she could sit on her ass all day."

4. Finding out she's said emasculating things about him. 

"When she started bragging to her friends about how she had me wrapped around her finger."

5. Finding out she gets blackout drunk.

"I thought a girl was attractive until she got drunk at the pool last year and [pooped] in her bikini." 

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6. Finding out she's a racist. 

"I put on "Christ Conscious" by Joey Badass, a rapper. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she was staring at me pretty hard with a stone cold expression on her face. I turn and say 'Uh, is there a reason you're staring at me?' She looks me dead in the eye and in a serious tone says 'Um, this is n***er music.' Played some really heavy hardcore sh*t the rest of the ride to piss her off. Avoided her since."

7. Finding out she's ridiculously demanding. 

"Until she started telling me 'What a real man would do,' And 'What a real man does..' When they are in a relationship with her. Apparently a real man is a replacement for her parents and is expected to pay her bills."

8. Finding out she's a freak about conspiracy theories. 

"I had a crush on a girl that worked in our building quite a bit. She seemed like a cool person, was super sweet, and it didn't hurt that she was really cute. One day when a co-worker and I were discussing Flat Earthers and laughing about all their ridiculous logic, she came in and my co-worker goes 'So what do you think? You think the Earth could be flat?' I think we were both expecting some kind of witty or humorous response, but instead she said 'Well, sometimes when I'm flying and I look out the window...' I honestly don't remember what came after that. I just remember being severely disappointed."

9. Finding out she's cruel to animals.

"She kicked her Chihuahua."

10. Finding out she's obsessed with social media. 

"She started trying to document everything we did on social media."

11. Finding out his friends don't think she's hot. 

"When my dad died, I felt lonely and went for the first girl that showed any amount of attraction in me... She was OK at first, but then someone mentioned "oh her? She looks like Gollum!" ...Then the blinders came off and I couldn't help but make that parallel." 

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Rebecca Jane Stokes is a sex, humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman. She hosts the sex, love, and dating advice show, Becca After Dark on YourTango's Facebook Page every Tuesday and Thursday at 10:20 pm Eastern. For more of her work, check out her Tumblr