8 People Describe Moment They Knew Their Relationship Was Doomed

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how to know when your relationship is over

"I kept waking up with an overwhelming sense of sadness."

We all know the warning signs, but sometimes, we don't want to see them or acknowledge them. Maybe you've stopped having sex, or the sex you are having is just mechanical, with no passion or intimacy. Or maybe sex is all you have left, and you aren't connecting on an emotional level.

Maybe he's cheating, or maybe you are. Or, perhaps, you are fighting too often, about everything, and your relationship seems like more work than fun. 

When it stops being fun, that's a major sign that the end is coming. Relationships aren't always sexy and exciting, but they shouldn't be miserable and a chore either.

If you are always fighting, are not speaking at all anymore, or the intimacy has gone away, those are just some ways for how to know when your relationship is over. We asked people what made them finally realize that they were headed for a breakup, and this is what they had to say:

1. He couldn't say "I love you."

"I knew my relationship was doomed when he couldn't tell me loved me after 2 YEARS. He cared about me, but couldn't make the leap."

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2. I was always sad.

"I kept waking up with an overwhelming sense of sadness. One morning, I crept out of bed, went into my office and wept. I knew it was over."

3. She was never there for me.

"Upon return from a business trip, my ex-wife and I were in the midst of yet another argument, which had been fairly commonplace over the previous 6 months or so. During this time my grandmother had finally lost her battle with Alzheimer’s and my family was planning her services. I naturally assumed that my ex would be making the trip with me but she indicated that she wasn't going to, still upset at whatever petty argument we were having at that time. It was at that moment that it crystallized for me that this wasn't going to work and I needed to put an end to it."

4. Things got too kinky.

"While I’m certainly open to trying new things with a man I’m in a relationship with, when he told me he liked to cross-dress and wanted me to use a butt plug on him, it was jarring. He also wanted me to buy him a Chasity cage. It didn't seem sexy or explorational to me at all."

5. He forgot my birthday!

"I am not obsessed with 'occasions.' I know that the total picture means more. But he said he wanted to take me out for my birthday, and then he didn't. I told him he had lied to me, he said he didn't, he had 'let me down' and that it was not the same thing. Then, he got angry at me for saying he had lied! That was the end for me."

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6. He wasn't over his ex.

"He told me he wasn't over his ex girlfriend... from FIVE years ago. Then add to that that we were living 6,000 miles away from each other. So yeah, it was doomed."

7. Things just stopped being exciting.

"We were on our 25th anniversary trip to France — the land of romance with all the ingredients, romantic accommodation, beautiful landscape, fine dining, and in an environment that should ooze with romance and fiery passion. And yet, no passion was ignited. If you can't get excited in that kind of setting, there's no hope."

8. She didn't support my hobbies.

"This is pretty petty but I was in a play that ran five days once and she didn't make it to any of them. We were still in the 'have dinner/watch Netflix/have sex/haven't met one another's friends' phase so it wasn't like missing your kid's dance recital. I was secretly really glad she missed it. I would much rather hang out with the cast and other friends after the show. We met up after one performance and she didn't even ask how it went. Pretty easy to begin Operation Phase Out at that point."

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Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyles writer. Her work appears in dozens of digital and print publications regularly. Visit her on Twitter or email her at alywalansky@gmail.com.