Maintaining a relationship is hard work.
By Emily Ratay — Written on Oct 04, 2017
A lot of people may not realize that, according to astrology, your zodiac sign can help you figure out why you're crushing on another person when you're already in a relationship. Emotions are weird, so looking to your horoscope can help you finally get down to what's going on in your own head — or in your relationship — that's causing your mind to wander.
Anyone who tells you a relationship is easy — even after five, 10, or 15 years — is working with some voodoo magic because this sh*t ain’t easy.
Now, I'm not saying that it's always going to be difficult, no matter what you do or how hard you try. But there will be times when you do feel like no matter what you do and how hard you try, your relationship isn't working.
New relationships are all about getting to know each other, having amazing sex, and generally enjoying being in love.
Usually, when you're first dating someone, you aren't thinking about moving in together or getting married, stuff like that.
I mean, maybe you are thinking about those things, but you certainly don't go crazy when talking about it with your new partner because that can often scare people away. But serious relationships always start somewhere, right?
And eventually, you will have to get to that vulnerable place with your partner where you can talk about anything and everything, including how you see your relationship progressing.
But just because you can be more open with your partner now that you are in a serious relationship together, that doesn't mean all of your problems disappear.
Of course, there is still a difference between having problems that all couples deal with in their relationships and having problems that make you question whether or not your relationship is still worth it.
These kinds of problems usually stem from your feelings for your current partner changing, in one way or another.
This doesn't necessarily mean that you are thinking about cheating on your partner, but maybe you don't feel the same emotional connection that you did when you were first dating.
Or maybe it feels like you are doing all of the work and he is doing none of the work.
Feelings change for a lot of different reasons and when you get to that point in your relationship, you need to ask yourself if you want to fix your relationship, leave it, or cheat.
And just because you want to fix your relationship, sometimes you need to ask yourself if your relationship is even fixable at all, which can be a revelation that not everybody is prepared to face.
When a relationship feels like it's failing, many times the partners in the relationship start forming crushes on people outside of the relationship.
This doesn't necessarily mean that you are falling in love with someone else or are considering cheating on your partner with that person, but really you're looking for those feelings that you're having trouble finding in your own relationship with someone else.
Just like replacing an old friend with someone new who has the same characteristics, having a crush on someone just means that you find the same things appealing in them that you do with your current partner.
It's important to remember that having a crush on someone who isn't your partner doesn't make you a cheater.
People get crushes all the time! What turns it into a bad situation is when you act on that crush instead of trying to figure out if your relationship is fixable or not first.
True, you can give up on your relationship without even trying to fix it first, but when you're in a serious relationship with someone that you care for deeply and are in love with, you want to try everything in your power to save it before admitting that it might not be worth saving at all.
But even still, we can't always help asking ourselves if having a crush means the relationship won't last. Attraction is a complicated thing that us humans STILL have yet to figure out all the way.
Ultimately, it's up to you to answer those questions. But knowing where to start — whether it's better to bring up these changes and feelings with your partner or trying to figure it out on your own — can be overwhelming, to say the least.
But depending on your zodiac sign, there may already be common relationship issues that you don't even realize you're dealing with. And understanding where the root of these issues come from could be easy to understand with the help of astrology.
Not only can your horoscope help you figure out if these relationship issues are worth fixing, but it can also give you some insight into why you have a crush on someone else when you're already in a serious relationship.
if you feel like you might already be in the situation, or are worried that you might form a crush sooner or later, this guide to helping your zodiac sign figure it all out is exactly what you need.
So, read on to figure out how your zodiac sign should deal with crushes and whether or not cheating is in your future.
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
As an Aries, you need your partner to match your excitement for life, no matter how long you’ve been together.
If fact, what you need most in your relationship is enthusiasm about spending time together, and for your partner to be comfortable with planning for the future – whether that means a week in advance or five years.
When you feel like you’re not getting either of these needs met, your feelings start to wander. You are especially drawn to those who make you feel at ease and validated when you get excited about something you’re passionate about — no matter how small that thing is.
The biggest strain your relationship can take is having your partner stop caring about your future together. Instead of purchasing those concert tickets or deciding where to spend the holidays, he’s more concerned with his own needs and gets overwhelmed when you bring up these plans. Unfortunately, this change in him can change you, too.
When things get this wishy-washy, it’s hard for you to want to fix things. You can try getting to the root of the problem, but chances are the relationship is done in your eyes.
You might not even look for someone new to rekindle that excitement right away, but going back to giving yourself the love you deserve is more important.
RELATED: 13 Brutal Truths About Loving An Aries (As Written By An Aries)
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
When your relationship is in trouble, Taurus, you start to notice that easy conversation between you and your partner has started to disappear. In the past, you two were able to talk about everything and anything with ease, but now, it feels like that connection is gone.
More than touch, having a connection with words means you have someone who can understand who you are and what you want on a deeper level. You often develop crushes on people who can really listen when you speak and give you that comfort level you’re lacking in your own relationship.
Another thing that is just as important as communication to you is having good sex. This is the other connection you can’t live without in a relationship. When it feels like your sex life is starting to get stale, you can either find someone else to satisfy your needs or fix your relationship.
You aren’t one to give up on the people you love, so even if you are experiencing a little crush, your relationship is very fixable.
It all relies on going back to the basics; getting to know each other again and making sex feel new by romancing each other first and dedicating entire nights to each other — not just a few hours.
RELATED: 5 Brutal Truths About Loving A Taurus (As Written By A Taurus)
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
One of the worst things that can happen to your relationship, Gemini, is having the excitement fizzle out. You fell in love with your partner because he made everything feel exciting — and not just the exciting things.
Cleaning the apartment, picking up take-out for dinner, and even carpooling to work felt like an adventure to you. But now, everything feels like a routine and it’s just made your relationship boring and predictable.
You also realize that you always spend time together, which seems nice in theory, but can make it hard to relax, especially on those days when all you want is to be alone.
When you crush, you’re drawn to people who can make every day seem exciting and different (even when it’s just another day at the office), but you appreciate being able to go home at night without them coming with you.
Having these short doses of fun mixed with much-needed “Gemini time” is important. But just because you have a crush doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.
You can still live with your partner and do something with them every day, yet make time for yourself. Fixing these bumps in the road is as simple as communicating that you want to be left alone or even leaving the apartment for the afternoon. As for excitement, daily surprises always do the trick.
RELATED: 13 Brutal Truths About Loving A Gemini (As Written By One)
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Cancer, your questions about your relationship’s strength stem from your partner’s commitment to you. Yes, you’re in a serious, monogamous relationship, but you still wonder if he’s making as much of an effort to prove his commitment to you as he should.
When you crush on someone outside of your relationship, you are attracted to those who can prove this commitment without hesitation, even if it’s a small gesture.
Being able to commit to watching each other’s favorite shows on Netflix and talk about it later, meeting each other for lunch, or promising to cover a shift at work all contribute to your growing crush.
But commitment isn’t the only thing you’re struggling with in your relationship. The other thing you desperately need, and aren’t getting enough of, is unconditional love from your partner.
Of course, you have a very specific meaning of what “unconditional” means to you, and when you don’t receive the love you think you deserve, you start second-guessing your relationship.
Unfortunately, not everyone can love you the way you want to be loved, which is why once you get attached to a crush, it means you and your partner should probably call it quits. It might take you some time to know what unconditional love means to you, but you do know when you’re not getting it in your current relationship.
RELATED: 5 Brutal Truths About Loving A Cancer (As Written By A Cancer)
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
On the surface, Leo, you look for someone who will give you the attention you crave in a relationship. This doesn’t just mean showering you with gifts and compliments, but it also means giving you the emotional and sexual attention you need to keep your connection with your partner strong.
Of course, paying someone attention all the time can make the other person not feel as special, so instead of crushing on people who do shower you with shallow attention, it’s important to reciprocate this devotion with your partner.
With attention often comes presents and material goods, which you don’t often turn down, Leo. That said, you need to be careful with how you react to these gifts before your relationship is too far gone to fix.
Your partner might think that you’re only happy when you have tangible proof of his love instead of what’s really important — love.
Anyone can give you gifts — and this is often how your crushes form — but if you feel as though financial security is a constant worry (as you’re torn between wanting to accept your partner’s gifts and wanting to be frugal), it’s better to have that uncomfortable conversation with your partner instead of letting someone else buy your love for cheap.
RELATED: 6 Brutal Truths About Loving A Leo (As Written By A Leo)
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sep 22)
As a Virgo, you’re used to doing so much in your relationship that all you ask in return from your partner is visible effort and honesty.
You know that if you can’t be brutally and sometimes even uncomfortably honest with him, then your relationship isn’t going to last.
That said, you can often be blinded by love, which means you can’t always tell if your partner is being truthful or if he is just taking advantage of your love for him. Your crushes don’t usually hold water, but you do still get them — and on pretty much anyone who has the decency to be honest with you.
You form these crushes on friends, coworkers, and even the teller at the bank if he’s nice enough, Virgo, but honesty isn’t the only thing you’re craving that’s lacking in your relationship.
If you could only ask for one thing from your partner, it would be to spend more time together. This connection — as friends and not just lovers — is what makes a relationship that much more meaningful to you. Your relationship isn’t hopeless just because your partner closes off instead of opens up to you.
The easiest fix is to set aside quality time for one another daily, even if only for an hour, to talk and build the friendship your relationship was originally built on. This will lead to more honesty and affection.
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LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You’ve always loved having a partner who could make all the adult decisions for the both of you and give you great advice on how to handle bumps in life, Libra.
However, you can tell that this “take charge” personality from your partner is starting to dwindle and you wonder if your relationship is soon to follow.
You always get tongue-tied and overwhelmed when it comes to decision-making, so when you start developing crushes outside of your relationship, you’re often drawn to the people who make being in charge look good.
But being able to make decisions — tough and not so tough ones — is only scratching the surface. Having a crush on someone who can do this also proves that you’re not being taken care of the way you want by your current partner.
There is something about having the constant care of a guardian — or protector-like partner that you love.
And when this behavior starts to change, you worry that you’re asking for too much or will start to get needy. When you’ve already come to the point of asking yourself if your relationship is worth it anymore, the answer is probably “no.”
It may not be fixable, but you are – learn how to be your own protector instead of constantly depending on someone else.
RELATED: 11 Brutal Truths About Loving A Libra (As Written By A Libra)
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
As a Scorpio, you highly value faithfulness in your relationship and will often overlook other issues you’re having with your partner, as long as he remains faithful to you.
That said, you’re not above crushing on other people if they seem more stable and committed than your partner. When you have a crush, it’s more often than not on longtime friends who have always been faithful to you (how could you have ever overlooked them before?).
These thoughts of leaving your relationship might cross your mind, but it’s more because you want to reconnect with friends, not because you want to cheat.
The only reason your eyes start to wander when you’re in a serious relationship is because this lack of faithfulness — which includes an emotional, physical, and mental connection — has made you feel like you’re losing one of the best things in your life.
It’s not that your partner is having an affair on you, necessarily, but rather that the passion has been dead for so long that it feels like he’s on the brink of cheating. (This is nothing new in relationships, so worry not.)
The good news is that this hiccup is fixable; the not-so-good news is that it’s going to take a lot of time and effort. Reconnecting with sex is one thing, but reaffirming your faithfulness with constant actions and words is another.
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SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 19)
Sagittarius, you might already be in a serious relationship for a few years now, but you’re constantly surprised that it’s still going strong…ish.
You feel like you simultaneously ask for a lot and not enough from your partner, which puts you in a position of constantly learning from your mistakes.
You want to be your own person, but want to include your partner in everything you do; you need your space, but love being clingy. It’s a mix of everything in your relationship, so it’s easy to see why it feels like everything is falling apart when you can’t manage it all.
When you make mistakes (never on purpose), you constantly seek forgiveness from your partner. It can feel like you’re testing his limits, though, which can lead to issues between the two of you.
You want to be loved, but you’re not always good at it, so you form crushes on people who forgive you without reservation, no matter what you’ve done. This absolution of your faults can lead to you wanting more freedom (because now you can get away with anything), which can make your partner feel ignored.
Sadly, this isn’t fixable like you hope it is. But when you’re single, use the time you have alone to forgive yourself for your past mistakes instead of waiting for someone new to forgive you.
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CAPRICORN (Dec 20 - Jan 19)
Bad communication can ruin an entire relationship, Capricorn, but it’s still a basic necessity you’re learning how to grasp with your partner.
You sometimes think that sex and affection can make up for any issue, but when you realize it is the only thing in your arsenal, you realize that your relationship might not be as strong as you think.
It might feel like the relationship is getting stale — emotionally and physically — because avoiding the hard topics isn’t working anymore. This is when you start crushing on people who can provide you with the communication you need.
It isn’t so much the depth or subject of communication, but the act of communicating itself. Anyone who can stimulate you with words is intriguing to you, but instead of trying this at home, you’d rather talk to your new crush. In addition to a lack of communication, your relationship is also lacking in pleasure.
You feel like if you can’t talk about the hard stuff, you can’t talk about the easy stuff, either – like your need for romance. Your relationship is safe if you work on it, though. Talking about everything with your partner (the good, bad, and ugly) will prove that he’s still your number one in your eyes.
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AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You put it all on the line when dating someone, Aquarius, so you’re very cautious about how things progress as you and your partner start getting serious.
You’re willing to do everything your partner asks of you and more, but all you ask of him is to be accepted for who you are. When you feel as though his ability to understand you is starting to fade, your emotions start to wander.
You’re most attracted to people who let you be your uninhibited self without making you feel weird or wrong. Most oftentimes these crushes are formed on friends, but sometimes you meet someone new who just “gets” you.
With this need for acceptance and understanding comes a need for stimulation. Anyone who knows you knows that you’re more of an introspective person — which is why you so often crave this validation to be yourself — so you need a partner who can stimulate your mind. At one point, your current partner did this.
But now that it feels like you’re not on the same wavelength anymore, you feel like there’s no point in rekindling this flame. You might try fixing your relationship at first, but when he doesn’t meet you halfway, you realize it isn’t worth it. You would rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t understand you anymore.
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PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Pisces, all you ask for in a relationship is a lasting connection with someone who’s a friend, lover, and companion, all in one. In order to achieve that connection, you need complete openness between you and your partner.
This openness ranges from sexual and affectionate to verbal and emotional, but you hope that this connection never fades… but unfortunately, it can. When you no longer go to your partner with good news (and bad), want to rip each other’s clothes off after a long day at work, or need those weekend snuggle fests on the couch, you know something has changed in both of you.
Instead, you start looking for this openness in others – not necessarily sex, but someone you can talk to about anything.
You want to find that connection again and when you do (outside of your relationship, mind you), you start to crush on them like you did when you first started dating your partner. No longer having this openness anymore means there’s also a lack of mutual support – it can feel like one of you is doing more legwork in the relationship than the other most times.
This pressure to do more than you should day in and day out can be taxing and ultimately too demanding. It can break your heart, but you know when you have to walk away. It can be hard to end a relationship that you had so much fondness for, but in the end, it’s for the best.
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Emily Ratay is a full-time writer living in Pittsburgh. She's passionate about the environment and feminism, and knows that anything is possible in the right pair of shoes. She plans on writing a book in the future.