10 Signs Your Man Is Toxic (And You Need To Leave That Relationship STAT)

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bad relationship

You need some self-awareness, girl.

Sometimes we don’t know whether we’re in a bad relationship or not. Maybe our parents had a very similar relationship to the one we’re having now. (Right up until their divorce.) Maybe we think the difficulties in our relationship stem from us and all of our issues. 

(Because isn’t our man always telling us we’re too neurotic and insecure? Isn’t he telling us that if we were just a little “less clingy” he wouldn’t feel compelled to flee to his man cave or run off to Vegas with the guys?)

Maybe every relationship is just like ours, but the couples we know are simply putting their best foot forward in public? (Certainly behind closed doors they’re throwing heated waffle irons at each other’s heads.)

In fact, this isn’t the case. 

There are a lot of fantastic relationships out there where partners treat each other with love, dignity, and respect. Having a romantic relationship that provides a safe haven from life’s ignominies isn’t too much to ask. 

So if you’re uncertain about whether you’re in a bad relationship or not, consider these signs of a bad relationship to gain some insight. 

1. You moonlight as a detective.

Have you ever hidden in an unmarked van wearing headphones so you could hear what was happening inside of your boyfriend’s apartment — which you wire-tapped while he was at the gym — because you think he might be cheating on you? (Or maybe you just sat in your car and watched his crib late at night while eating Cinnabons?)

2. You gather forensic materials.

Have you snooped through your lover’s cell phone, desk, car or underwear drawer to find evidence of infidelity?

3. You have become an insomniac.

Do you lay awake at night listening for the sound of your lover’s car because he was supposed to be at your house hours ago and hasn’t arrived and isn’t answering his cell or text messages?

4. You could work at Apple Care.

Have you dismantled your smartphone to see if it’s working properly? Then put it back together and it rings and it’s your mother?

5. You think it’s all your fault.

Do you currently think you’re too co-dependent, insecure and needy in your relationship and if you just changed and didn’t push so much he wouldn’t run away? And does it help you feel like you’re more in control if you’re to blame?

6. He refuses to attend important events with you.

Like weddings or family gatherings where you present yourselves as a couple?

7. Most of your friends and family dislike him.

Do little children and dogs hate him?

8. He eerily reminds you of your last lousy boyfriend.

Do you keep dating the same man over and over, just in a different body?

9. Your relationship is the only aspect of your life that stinks.

Are you successful in friendships, at school and at work, but you can’t seem to get it together in your love life?

10. You are afraid to mention marriage and babies.

Because every time you do he disappears for three days then comes home reeking of Blonde, Redhead, and Brunette.

If you answered “yes” to five or more of these signs (even if the details are a bit different), you’re in a toxic relationship.

This means it’s time to dig deep to get the self-awareness that creates change. And it’s not the man you’re going to change. The only person you can change is you and the choices you make. 


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This article was originally published at Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission from the author.