The Truth About What's REALLY Preventing You From Getting The Divorce You NEED


No, it's not just love.

Ending your marriage is one of the hardest decisions you'll ever make.

You made a vow to be with your spouse for better or for worse ... but even the for worse has its limits, and you have reached yours.

That's ok. Not all marriages last forever.


And whatever your reasons may be — no matter how right they are — filing for divorce is hard.

It's even harder when your partner can't accept the divorce.

Often we think it's a sign of love, a reluctance to give up on their marriage.

Which is partially true.

But there's another reason your spouse can't fully accept the divorce.

In our latest, Expert video, a group of relationship and divorce Experts — Debra Block, Pegotty Cooper, Karen Bigman and Petalyn Albert  — explain to YourTango Expert Senior VP Melanie Gorman exactly what keeps a spouse from accepting the reality of an impeding divorce: hope.


Those who seek hope often manage to find it in places where the rest of us see nothing.

And while most times that's a good thing, a remarkable thing, it only inhibits your divorce and ability to move on from something that has become unhealthy.

Because it is that hope that allows them to believe that maybe things will change.

It is the hope that they read in your asking them to pick up the dry cleaning like they always do.

It is the hope that things will just return to they way it once was.

But even you, the one who is so clear about your need for a divorce, are hanging onto hope.

That's why you keep waiting for them to suddenly accept that you want to end the marriage.

Hope is the enemy of reality ... and right now, you both need a dose of reality.


You need to sit, perhaps with a divorce counselor, and be sure that the divorce is really what you want, and more importantly, what's right.

And then you need to be firm in your decision.

Firm but not cruel.

You can still be kind and compassionate as you explain that the relationship isn't what they think it is, and how a divorce is actually better for the both of you. You can do this without giving your spouse hope (again, this is where seeking an outside source of support and counseling may be helpful).

Compassion and kindness are the most important things to bear in mind in all of this.


Everyone has their own process for how they come to accept things.

Some take longer than others to get to the point where they realize divorce is the answer. But in the end, with some help, we all get there.

So reach out for help, but remember that your partner is not the enemy.

Remember that and there's no reason why your divorce can't be amicable and peaceful for you both.

If you need help getting your spouse to accept your divorce, accepting your spouse's desire to divorce, or any other relationships problems, please visit the websites of PegottyDebraKaren and Petalyn directly. They’re here to help.