5 Subtle Signs Your Ex Is Taking Serious Advantage Of You

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ex is taking advantage of you


You used to have what you considered a wonderful, affectionate and extremely fun connection with your boyfriend and/or lover. Suddenly — out of nowhere — he is done. He breaks up with you but expects the two of you to continue being friends (possibly with extras).

You are taken by surprise. You are hurt and angry. But you don't want to lose him altogether. So, you agree to the friend thing. It doesn't take long, however, before you realize what a huge mistake that was. He is not your friend. He is taking advantage of you.

Here are five signs your ex is taking advantage of you and is merely in it to reap the superficial benefits of your presence in his life.

1. Your ex (now friend) texts you only when he is bored, and no one else is around.

When he is having fun and has managed to arrange dates with other women, you don't hear from him at all. If you balk at his suggestion to meet up 20 miles from where you live, he becomes passive-aggressive, telling you how much you are losing out.

2. He is very reluctant to ever spend any time in your part of town.

God forbid he had to take an Uber in that direction, even though the distance between his house and yours is significantly shorter than between his house and his favorite touristy beer or club destinations. After rejecting your suggestion to go to a place in your area, he Ubers all over town and travels huge distances in order to be in other people's company or in order to meet his most recent Tinder dates at fancy bars, because strangers mean more to him than people who would be truly appreciative of him and who would be willing to make huge sacrifices for him.

3. If you finally manage you get him to meet you after school or work relatively close to where you live (it's very rare that he will make things that easy for you), he cannot possibly stay for more than one or two light beers.

You agree to one or two beers at "your" local bar and then you are going to call it a night (that is, he decides, and you nod in agreement). Then his male acquaintances (or close-to-be acquaintances) show up and suddenly his priorities have changed. He can now stay out half the night. Or all night. No problem.

4. At some point, while he and you are out with his quasi-acquaintances, he starts bragging about all the sex he is getting through his Tinder app, and he and his quasi-acquaintances are making private jokes about your ex's Tinder dates.

You are forced to just sit there and take it. After all, you are not in a committed relationship with him, and you agreed to be friends (possibly with extras). That's what friends are for, right?

5. He complains bitterly and sincerely that he cannot afford to pay his half of the bill when you are out together.

You are not in a committed relationship with him (or anyone else for that matter). You have no obligation to pay his part of the bill. But you are compassionate enough to offer to pay. Once he realizes that you are soft-hearted and easy to trick, he starts ordering $15 drinks plus tip at IHOP (International House of Painfully Expensive Beers), and you have no choice but to pay for those, too.

The very next day you hear through the grapevine that the poor broke guy (the guy you hoped to be in a committed relationship with) whose expensive drinks you paid for the night before is a deceitful, lying person who suddenly has the money to go drinking all night at his favorite local brewing company, followed by clubbing all night. He is even buying his Tinder dates expensive drinks. At this point, you feel like a plain idiot.

If your ex or lover engages in any of these disrespectful behaviors and won't change, they are signs your ex is taking advantage of you, and you need to cut him loose. Don't be around him again if possible. There are plenty of fish in the sea. There is no reason to be around a man who keeps you on the back burner


Berit "Brit" Brogaard is a co-author of The Superhuman Mind and the author of On Romantic Love.

This article was originally published at Psychology Today. Reprinted with permission from the author.