HILARIOUS Quotes From Comedian Ali Wong Will Have You ROFL

Comedian Ali Wong is a force to be reckoned with.

Ali's first Netflix special, Baby Cobra, was such a success that she is back for another round to share her unique and hilarious comedic style.

Her new comedy special is titled Hard Knock Wife, and considering she is pregnant while performing her stand-up, it was appropriately released on Mother's Day May 13.

Mind you, she was also pregnant while filming Baby Cobra as well, which goes to show just how much of a comedy rock-star she truly is.


What’s so great about comedian Ali Wong is that she’s able to joke about pretty much anything, even if that makes her comedy a little tongue-in-cheek.

Pregnancy, sex, feminism — NOTHING is off limits to her.

But instead of making it sound like she doesn’t care about these topics or that she’s just joking about them to make her audience laugh, you can tell that she really does care about all these things — as well as making sure her stories and experiences are entertaining.

She's already feeling the love from fans on Twitter for her new Netflix stand-up comedy special, praising her for her hilarious and honest observations on motherhood.

#ad Let's keep celebrating #MothersDay Mamas takes some time for yourself today and stream the hilarious Ali Wong in her new Netflix stand up comedy, Hard Knock Wife You won't regret it! @NetflixIsAJoke

In addition to Hard Knock Wife, Ali Wong is an actress and has also written for the hit tv show Fresh Off the Boat.

This year she'll also be releasing a collection of essays offering advice and sharing her many hilarious life stories.

It’s not hard to become a fan of Ali Wong after you experience her stand-up comedy for yourself. 

More than that, though, she’s incredibly inspiring, showing those out there looking to follow in her footsteps or just make a name for themselves that you just need to believe in yourself and not care what others are going to say or think. 

Sitcoms Online

Read below for some of our fave hilarious Ali Wong quotes, and check out her new Netflix special Hard Knock Wife now on Netflix!

1. Keeping it humble  - and funny.

"My dream, my goal for the longest time was to be a trophy wife, but then I found out that in order to be a trophy wife, you have to be a trophy. I am more of a commemorative plaque." — Ali Wong

2. When you try to make new friends. 

"I joined a mom’s group in Los Angeles. Yeah, I don’t find any of these bitches particularly interesting or fun, but when you’re a new mom on maternity leave, it’s like The Walking Dead - you just gotta hook up with a crew to survive." — Ali Wong

3. Amen!

"The more glitter the better, because when you’re a mom you need sparkle to compensate for the light inside of you that has died." — Ali Wong

4. The real deal on breastfeeding.

"Breastfeeding is this savage ritual that just reminds you that your body is a cafeteria now." — Ali Wong

5. Teaching us some new things too.

"A lactation consultant is a white NPR listener with dreadlocks named Indigo that you have to pay $200 to rush over to your house and Roto-Rooter your titty." — Ali Wong

6. The motherhood diet. 

"People kept on asking me, ‘Ali, how did you get so skinny after the baby?’. She sucked the life outta me!" — Ali Wong

7. Making sure there are no surprises for the new moms out there. 

"You know what happens after the baby comes out? You know what else exits? Her house." — Ali Wong

8. The difference between men and women. 

“A lot of people like to ask me, ‘Ali, how on Earth do you balance family and career?’. Men never get asked that question, because they don’t." — Ali Wong

9. Her hilarious cultural observations.

"That’s how Mexican Disneyland has gotten. They play Selena on Pirates of the Caribbean. The Haunted Mansion is now called Dia de los Muertos, and what was formerly known as Splash Mountain, is now Esplash Mountain." — Ali Wong

10. The real advantages of being famous. 

"All I ever wanted was more money for less effort. I just wanna collect checks in my pajamas. Play a piece of tofu in a Pixar movie or something." — Ali Wong

11. She's not afraid to point out the obvious.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"If a man has a Pinterest page, he’s probably Pinterested in men." — Ali Wong

12. What it means to get older.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"I can tell that I’m getting older because my Kindle is turning into a self-help library." — Ali Wong

13. The real meaning of DIY.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"DIY stands for "you should've married someone with more money." — Ali Wong

14. The truth about yoga.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"Yoga is Simon Says for adults who have lotsa free time." — Ali Wong

15. We can relate to her.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"If I ever do a nude scene, I want to be in shape just enough so nobody calls me "courageous" for doing it." — Ali Wong

16. The perks of marriage.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"I’m all about girl power and everything, but when I get married, I’m straight up not gonna work anymore." — Ali Wong

17. Her honest comedic style.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"I wear the kind of bra where if you put it on the floor, the floor would have boobs." — Ali Wong

18. She's give some great advice.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"You gotta make this dude believe that your body is a secret garden, when really it’s a public park." — Ali Wong

19. Her hilarious dating struggles.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"My boyfriend eats gluten-free. Now I gotta eat all this bread that tastes like free-range Chewbacca." — Ali Wong

20. She keeps it real.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"You wanna be a grown-ass woman, stop dating skaters. They’re sexy on the outside, malt liquor on the inside." — Ali Wong

21. Providing some wisdom for the men out there.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"Women love to be dominated in bed. We’re so in control all the time that we just want to experience some sort of risk. I don’t want to die, but I also don’t want to be sure that I’m going to live." — Ali Wong

22. How to know when you're successful.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"That’s when you know you’ve made it. When you’re eating mango that was sliced by a dude named Noah." — Ali Wong

23. Life goals.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"I wanna be able to take a stroll on a sidewalk, see a quarter, and just keep on walking." — Ali Wong

24. Not afraid to call it like it is.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"Everybody has HPV, OK? E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y." — Ali Wong

25. Sharing the reality of being pregnant.

Ali Wong Comedian funny quotes

"When you’re pregnant, you’re hungry, tired, and fat, so you have this ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude that lends itself really well to performance. You let go of all dignity and shame, and it’s beautiful." — Ali Wong

If you're searching for the best quotes and memes to share with the people you love (or just want to feel inspired yourself) ... look no further! From the sweetest love quotesinspirational sayings, and hilarious friendship truths, we've got you covered.